As the founder of Female Reverence, my mission is to help men and women create fulfilling, female-led relationships.
I know many of you face obstacles on your journey to living the dynamic you desire.
That’s why I want to hear directly from you – what is the #1 struggle or barrier holding you back from the ideal female-led relationship you seek?
Your biggest challenge could be:
- Finding a willing dominant romantic partner
- Getting your current relationship to transition to female leadership
- Knowing where to start or the next steps to take
- Communicating desires or negotiating boundaries
- Gaining confidence as a submissive partner
- Other struggles unique to your situation
I would greatly appreciate if you could anonymously share your core struggle, frustration, or unresolved issue.
Please either:
- Post your #1 challenge in a comment below. Comments on this post will remain anonymous.
- Email femalereverence@gmail.com. Your email and struggle will be kept fully confidential.
Your vulnerable and honest input will help me better understand the problems you face so I can work to provide solutions, advice, and resources to help overcome obstacles on your journey.
I’m committed to supporting you in building the deeply fulfilling female-led relationship you want!
Let’s start an open conversation about struggles so you can get the help you need to create the dynamic you desire.
I’m eager to hear from you!
Thanks,
Peter
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.
Eller04
I am working with my wife on being more dominant. I like to the domination side of our sexual experiences. I would love to be able to help her feel more in control all of the time.
Dale
Mistress-less in Ohio
I expected my wife to react cautiously to my request for her to become my mistress. It was, understandably, a lot to handle. However, after a few months of question and answer, she voluntarily took on the role – I did not twist her arm. A contract was drawn, reviewed, altered, reviewed again, and approved.
That was almost two years ago. Since then there had a nice ramping up of mistress/sub situations, which unfortunately, dissipated over time. Now, about the only thing happening is service-oriented demands, such as, bring my water, rub my neck, etc. I take care of cleaning the kitchen. Occasionally, she’ll require me to call her “Mistress”, but only after she says “please and thank you” for bringing her something.
We’ve talked things over numerous times and she always agrees to do more, but there’s no change. We’ve reviewed the contract again, but there’s no change. I don’t feel like a sub at all. What she requests of me are things I would gladly do prior to being her sub.
K
I have exactly the same problem. It started out OK but, over time, the dominant role has dwindled, leaving me to just be the one doing all the chores with no domination as the reward.
Like you, I’ve talked it over many times but the result is always the same result, she says she will make more of an effort but then doesn’t make any.
I wouldn’t mind so much if she simply said that this isn’t something she wants to do and we stopped but, whenever we discuss it she is adamant that she wants to be in charge. The only time she puts her foot down is when she decides to buy something she knows I probably wouldn’t approve of, not that I would say anything or show disapproval.
Don’t get me wrong, I continue to do the service chores, I enjoy them, and I don’t expect a dominant that does things ‘my way’. I do expect a dominant to do things her way, rather than nothing, though.
I have spent the last 4 years living in hope but it doesn’t seem to be improving.
Allen
Hello,
I would say this is a 2 part issue, maybe 3.
First is the finding a willing dominant, romantic partner. I am currently 61 and live in a rural area. I am more of a small city person and visit larger cities. I am willing to relocate. I wonder what to do with everything I have if I do relocate. I also prefer someone much younger than me like in their 20s or 30s maybe 40s. I am not all Grey and old looking as someone might think though I have settled down quite a bit. The nearest munches are about and hour and 20 minutes away. I consider myself mostly sub but sometimes like to switch. I have been scouring the internet dating sites and forums and reading information articles. I am not sure how to write up or what to put in my profile description. I can’t join every alternative site out there and I have come across so many fakes and scammers or pro dommes that only want paying clients. Then there is what they are looking for that doesn’t match what I am looking for. There are so many misconceptions and requirements of what is part of a role that a person identifies as. Trying to find one that wants a full-time true loving and lasting relationship is hard to find. There is more to each person than just the lifestyle and hopefully each partner has interest in knowing more about the other, maybe have similar and/or share doing things together. I also have creative ideas I would like to share and develop that I think could be both beneficial for the domme if she is so inclined to incorporate them as part of a business and also keep things interesting in our relationship. O guess what I am saying I would like to develop and create new techniques working together with her on things that she may not currently be using that if she is so inclined would help her to domme others subs. We would maintain our exclusive relationship though.
This leads to the second part which is communicating desires and negotiating boundaries. First trying to find someone that is interested in a full-time relationship and then to discuss what each other is looking to get out of it and what each other brings to the relationship. Spending sometime getting to know each other and negotiating till we both come to and acceptable agreement. I would like to have a written agreement so it is recorded and can be referred to if there are any questions that someone may have forgotten and also can be reviewed for progress and updated as needed.
So possibly the third might be her having the knowledge, understanding, and ability to make proper decisions both for things that come up in our normal everyday life as well as as proper training, discipline, punishments, control, use, and requirements of me for her needs, desires, amusement, and pleasure. If needed she would be willing to search and learn more about different types of dommes/subbie FLR relationships that may give her possible interests she would like to include into our relationship. I hope that we could at times together look at adult material online, explore our interests, shop for more gear and toys, and shop for clothes and such.
I would love to have her love and care about me as much as I love and care about her. Someone that gets into us together exploring our kinks while at the same time as the leader keeps me grounded to reality and as a Pisces I know at times I need that. She does what is right and manages our life together.
So how do I find the right dominant woman for me for a FLR, that will take the time to communicate and negotiate the terms of our relationship. I like to fish, hunt, motorcycle, go on trips, DIY projects around the house, nature walks, watch movies, shop, and more. I currently sell online and I am doing training on how to market online. I have to many projects going on and I am trying get rid of some and complete others while also getting rid of things I don’t need anymore.
Well I guess that is it for now. Oh I was going to mention that I recently was looking at the possibility if checking out some fetish and dommes escorts. Possibly may find one interested in a FLR relationship but I don’t know how well that would work out. When I get into a relationship I would be giving it my all and if it didn’t work out I wouldn’t have my place to go back to. I really need to feel that the relationship was going to last, that they are committed to making the relationship work, or if it doesn’t that I wouldn’t just be kicked out but given time to work something out and find a place to go. So again someone that is reasonable and fair.
So, do you have any advice for me? You think I could get help writing a profile and possibly a letter to anyone that responds that sounds legit? Would I need to add more information about myself, interests, and what I am looking for to do so? Am I being realistic in my search? Any suggestions or referrals to places for me to search? I hope i helped you with what struggles I and possibly others are having and I also hope you can help me with my search.
Anything else you need, just ask. You have my email.
A
For a guy like me, getting an FLR would take divine intervention.
I’ve not really been chosen by women in the first place despite my great efforts. I’m good enough to get in the friendzone and maybe more if I’m willing to accept ulterior motives (such as the woman wanting to be with me because what she can get from me, not love). Not to say I’ve given up completely, but I know my dating market value is low.
It would be nice to imagine that there’s some lady who is willing to be with me for who I am and willing to pursue this kind of uncommon relationship; but alas. Chances are slim.
Frank
Is it ok to crave extreme FLR? I desire it.
M wife was always dominant in bedroom, I brought upFLR. She seemed a little interested. I talked her into trying it. She became more dominant in the bedroom. Assigned me some chores.made most decisions.monitored my spending.
By6 months in she was loving I and said we are going to level 4,extreme.
She closed my bank accounts, took my credit card,closed the joint account, opened up her own. All my money is direct deposited in her spaccounts. She has got me a limited ATM card. Ask my advice some,but make all decisions. I was frustrated at times.
More chores, being told no on purchases and such. Now am used to it, it’s everyday life. It’s natural to have to ask her for everything or to go somewhere.
She has me pleasure several times a week. But denies me orgasms. I need her per,ission, and she only gives it once every 2-3 months. And then I get so excited I last about 20 seconds. I used to move slip ups. Coming why eating her out. But she would stop and give me a harsh spanking for 20 minutes. Didn’t take long and I couldn’t get hard, unless she said so.
I look at where I am out, and love it. But can you go to far? Being completely owned and submissive to her.
Harri
I would start by saying that just as porn doesn’t properly represent sex , so fantasy and kink will rarely match with reality.
But For us , while my wife always knew i was kinky and a sub , i dont think either of us knew that it would come to be so much of who i actually am. This means that what once was fantasy and hope becomes a need that must be met and suddenly the whole (otherwise healthy and happy) relationship is on the line. On the face of it, it is a win win. But in reality asking someone to take part in a lifestyle change from which there is no going back, to change themselves to meet expectations they never agreed to or weren’t so hell bent on as me is a different matter.
With some help from a great therapist we started our journey a few years ago. It can seem like slow progress (especially with me always pushing the boundaries) but we have come a long way.
We use the obedience app alot and the housework is now all mine, she has control over my orgasms and she manages our finances. She is properly in charge.
My dreams of being a sissymaid in a loving relationship is looking like it could be reality so long as we keep going. That can be hard as there is always a tendency to stagnate.
Good communication is key of course as it always is.
If i was 21 again i would certainly have done alot more on this and knowing who i was before getting married hoping it would sort itself out.
There are dommes out there who want this both in and out of the bedroom but asking someone to turn into that 20+ years later can be a bit harder.
XX
Finding a Bull/ Alpha male : I am married and have transformed my husband to be submissive. He does all the chores around the house. I have divided the chores in Weekly and Daily category. I make sure he adheres to the list. He is punished when tasks are not done and rewarded at times if I am pleased.
Lately I have developed an interest to explore being a hotwife. We have had open communication in regards to this. The issue is where do I find an Alpha Male/ Bull for cuckoloding ?
Matthew
Finding a willing partner.
Lady in Red
My husband and I have a FLR since 1 year. I started punishing him (spank) as well 3 months ago. Spanking him is very helpful to remind him of our rules and to help him adjust and get used to new rules. Unfortunately sometimes he starts to cry during the spanking sessions. That makes it hard for me to continue. How can I deal better with him crying and continue with the spanking? Or how can I stop him from crying during the spanking? Thank you for your advice!
Peter Dirk
Hi, thanks for the message, much appreciated. Firstly this is a good question, and the first thought comes to mind that it’s worth taking a time-out session to talk to him about it. This could well be an ‘endurance test’ within himself and deep down there is a profound satisfaction with how you administer punishments. Knowing that he is satisfied could well help with your mindset here. In essence he may well hate the punishment at the time but deeply respect your authority. If you suspect he is enjoying the punishment, ie he is slightly masochistic, then this isn’t a punishment as he is engineering situations to receive the punishment. Thus I would just have a talk with him, find his thoughts on how you are doing. If you get positive feedback that he tries to avoid punishments but endures them because he knows he has to be corrected, then you are probably on the right track. I’d suggest you take a firm and caring tone to get to the route of the matter, Stress that as the dominant its jour job to provide incentives and and issue corrective punishments to enforce the rules you set, so you need his complete honesty so you can evaluate how to effectively punish him in a manner that is accepted by you both.
sumissive
I think my biggest difficulty is that my FLR is limited to bed. My wife doesn’t take the initiative, she just cooperates, she is not a complete queen, and if we want to go further, we need her to become very interested and proactive. I aspire to reach FLR above level 3. We should be at level 2 now, and she has a certain advantage. I want her to have complete dominance, to be the true queen, to dominate me at all times, to use me, so that I have to obey her, serve her, use me as her tool, enjoy the privileges of being a queen, and keep moving forward.
Steph
For me it’s finding a woman who understands the difference between a Domme and an FLR. Then when you find one often the woman who wants an FLR really just wants to boss you around and make you do everything but misses the point of intimacy.