The Strict Wife’s Guide to Taking Charge: Domestic Discipline 101

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What is surprising to learn for many is how many men have some form of ‘dominant woman’ fantasy in their desires. For some, it takes the form of visiting a ‘mistress’, and for others, it’s preferred to be within the confines of the household.

While it’s common in many men, it’s fair to say the fantasy is not as common for women. For women, it often comes as a request by their partner.

However, in many stable relationships, our own included, the female is the dominant partner around the house. It is her domain, and I’d suggest this is common, whether a couple realizes it or not.

sockinged wife lies seductively on a couch

Culture certainly reinforces this stereotype. How many TV shows and situational comedies have the female as the decision maker in the home, and the male as the slightly more reckless and less thoughtful partner, who needs the guidance of his wife to make better, and more appropriate decisions.

Within a household, it is often the woman’s word that is final.

So women take the lead role in many areas, the home being the most common where it is considered more ‘normal’, whatever that is.

The more in control of his life a man is, the more he may desire a more dominant presence at home, including all the rewards, humiliations, and punishments that it may entail.

So, it’s important to realize that a woman taking a more authoritative role over her man within a relationship is not just about performance in the bedroom, or having to convert the spare bedroom into a BDSM dungeon.

a woman holding a man down

Many wives in their authoritative role, in fact, do not go in for this at all, so there are many avenues to see how you feel in this role to explore.

In essence, you can just be you, doing whatever you feel comfortable with while recognizing you have a male partner who craves your decisions and will be at ease with what you request of him.

The Defining Terms

So, if you find yourself having read this far, your husband or boyfriend has probably mentioned to you his desire for you to ‘take a bit more charge’ with him, or you at least suspect this is something he wants.

Firstly, this is completely normal behavior. It is a favorite fantasy amongst men, especially those who tend to be in control in so many other areas of their life. They desire this aspect specifically and have chosen you first.

This for many women can be a new frontier, but also for many it’s an exciting step into the unknown.

The Dominant Wife: What’s It All About?

Your first thought is that this is all about kinky and deviant sex. That this is all some trick to get you into thigh-high boots and whip usage. While that’s something you might want to explore, it is not just about that.

a woman holding a man down

A dominant wife is about so much more, as you will learn.

If it’s purely a sexual thing for him, then so be it, but you can always add some terms of your own in there.

What a dominant wife fantasy is more about is often described as Domestic Discipline (DD). Domestic discipline in this scenario is where the wife takes charge within certain agreed parameters and rules of the household, and her husband’s affairs and usage of time.

There are no hard and fast rules to it, you can invent your own, or be guided by what you read, as long as you both agree to the terms.

The dominant wife will expect tasks to be performed, and usually has authority over rewards and punishments, for lazy or inappropriate behavior. The key is more an authoritative guidance stance and less prison guard like mentality.

However, the dominant wife is the judge and jury over her domain. Her issuance of tasks is to be met with standards, and she can dish out corrective measures, or punishments as she deems fit.

a woman pulling a leash with naked man on all fours

Another term you often hear is Head-Of-Household HOH), which is just a different way of saying the same thing. Additionally, it can also be called a Female Led Relationship (FLR). sometimes they are used interchangeably, but I like to think of an FLR as more pervasive, and the dominant wife has more scope to act outside of the household. 

Again, no hard and fast rules, you should feel comfortable with whatever confines you desire.

Dispelling Some Myths – What A Female Led Relationship Is Not

It is quite possible that your thoughts have been running away with you. Images of inflicting lasting pain and severe humiliation which embarrasses you somewhat might be running through your head. 

I can dispel this right now. A dominant wife is more in control of all the aspects she desires to be in control of. Anything off-putting you do not have to do.

a topless mistress standing over a sub with collar

You are not a mistress or madam from an advert in the papers. You do not have to perform acts of torture as corrective behavior modification. Nor do you have to inflict pain.

In short, you do NOT have to change your personality to fulfill the role.

Nor do you have to remodel a room so it has crosses, a strapon bench, and shackles in every conceivable case. You don’t have to have a personality transplant or pretend to be someone else.

You can still be you.

In many ways, your life might not change at all. With friends and family, you do not have to change. Trips to the cinema as a date do not suddenly have to become secret BDSM trips.

A dominant wife will switch to be more dominant when she feels like it. Sometimes you will want that authority, sometimes you won’t. You decide if it’s the time and place for it. That’s it.

a woman having her legs kissed

You also do not have to make all his decisions for him. You don’t have to pick out his socks in the morning and tell him what fruit to eat. He is not a slave.

Chances are good he will just want you to make decisions that you feel are important to you and is prepared to give you the authority to make him perform under your instruction.

As a dominant wife you will get the autonomy to decide whether something should be a joint decision in which you require his input, and when you don’t and just require him to do something. The choice is yours.

Oddly, it is often not about being domineering or overly bossy, unless of course you both like that. You don’t have to nitpick and make him perform trivial tasks naked for your amusement, although that can certainly be within the confines of a dominant wife fantasy.

You don’t have to constantly belittle him and humiliate him in public. 

It’s more about being dominant, rather than bossy. A distinction that eludes some people, but it is more about you having normal wishes met, as if you were the natural authority. Think of him more as an underling at work that you actually like. You don’t have to be ‘the bitch’, but at the end of the day your wishes will need to be met.

The internet is full of very weird things, and none more so than in the BDSM arena. Making your husband dress as french maid 24 hours a day may be OK for some people, but most dominant wives in a female led relationship would be uncomfortable with this.

a mistress with her maid

That’s more degrading than humiliating, so while it might be OK for a kinky punishment, it’s not really what is meant by a dominant wife.

You do not need to feminize your husband either. You do not need to make him take up knitting as a hobby and watch him walk around in a dress. The male can still do male things. He does not have to change his friends, or give up sports. He can still do ‘guy things’. 

You also, and absolutely DO NOT have to be inflicting pain as a sadomasochistic pleasure. You do not need to cackle while whipping him, as if this is part of your psychological makeup. He will be wanting a strict and dominant wife, who has boundaries and applies her discretion about tasks and punishments for his behavior.

Most surprisingly it is not all about sex either. It is certainly an important element, and he will likely want some control from you in the bedroom, it is not normally just within those confines. He probably has some fantasies where there is natural female authority though. That is normal.

With a dominant wife, sex can certainly be a major aspect of the control, but he will more than likely crave more than just sex. Somewhere he has a need for you to correct a behavior that willpower alone has not accomplished.

a woman on phone having oral sex given to her

The Dominant Wife – So What Are We Talking About Then?

So now we know what it isn’t, just to clear up a few myths, then what exactly is the dominant wife relationship all about.

Well, maybe this is a good point to mention that a dominant wife within a marriage or long term partnership will look like all your other relationships in many ways. The cornerstone of a long-lasting partnership will not be compromised.

The dominant wife within her partnership, whether husband or otherwise, will base her decisions on staying with him like any other woman. Whatever reason she has chosen him will not be subject to change.

A dominant wife will take into account his decisions on a multitude of issues, like any other marriage or partnership. Trips away, holidays and parenting are all very much a joint decision.

So if it’s the same, what exactly do you do in this dominant wife pairing? How does it work?

Let’s take a little time to see how it might play out.

Let’s take a fictional couple called Tim and Claire. They have what you might be considered a ‘normal’ life. A mortgage, both have jobs, they discuss major buying decisions and both parent their small children. Tim is a successful professional and has asked Claire to be a ‘bit more dominant’. After discussion they decide to try a female led relationship, with Claire to perform the role of a dominant wife.

a woman having her feet kissed

Around the house, and after work Tim can be a bit lazy and often doesn’t clean up after himself. He is a proud man, and he is getting very relaxed in his sedentary lifestyle. He needs an impetus to improve himself.

So Claire gives him 3 chores to do each week. Keep the bathroom clean at all times, take the garbage out on Tuesday evening and vacuum the living room and hallway every weekend.

She also decides to put him on a bit of a fitness drive. He is to do 20 press-ups and 20 sit-ups every day. She also gets him to walk a few miles of an occasional evening. She weighs him every Sunday morning. If he starts to lose weight and get a bit more muscular she will reward him. If he doesn’t and suspects he is cheating, she can limit his meals, get him to ask permission to eat snacks, even at work. She can increase the distance he is walking and get him to make a healthy breakfast each morning.

If she catches him cheating or doesn’t believe he isn’t she can restrict privileges to the TV, limit his time on the games machine. She can also administer corporal punishment for severe transactions.

She also inspects his chores to check he is doing them correctly. She can reissue instructions, clarify or otherwise change the chore. Again, if they are done well she can reward him, or if not correct his behavior. Tim really hates feminization as a BDSM play, so maybe Claire can threaten to make him wear some frilly silk panties to work if the chores aren’t done well enough.

In all other areas of married life Tim and Claire appear ‘normal’. They chat about their days together and Claire makes the evening meals. There is no dungeon being built, Tim has no whip marks and Claire hasn’t purchased some thigh-high leather boots and altered her personality.

Maybe Tim slips a bit on the press-ups and isn’t doing them correctly. After instruction he still isn’t doing them properly. Maybe Claire limits his TV time, or says if he hasn’t learned how to do a ‘proper press up’ by Friday he will not be allowed to watch his favorite TV show. Or maybe she can send him to bed early.

a woman looks down on a chained sub

The point here that Claire is not a ‘controlling bitch’, enthusiastically belittling her partner and delighting in his failure. She is using her role as a dominant wife in order to make Tim live up to what he can be. She is using her authority to make him a better man.

From Tim’s point of view, he has given his wife authority to improve himself, and make her life a little easier. Not only has he relinquished his willpower to achieve to her in certain areas, he has given her the power to restrict his enjoyments, and issue corrective measures to improve himself.

The reality is a dominant wife can live within the confines of a perfectly normal relationship.

Why Men Submit To A Dominant Wife And Domestic Discipline

A question most females have when starting this journey would be ‘why the hell do men submit themselves to this?’ Additionally, has his personality changed?, and will I have to accept that my husband has changed?

a woman woth a chain and crop

While it can be a little daunting, there are some reasonably simple sets of psychology at work. There is nothing to fear, and no, your man has not changed.

In fact, chances are good that he has had a desire to have a dominant female in his life for a while, and he chose you while harboring this passion. He is only now mentioning it to you, and feels comfortable with you being the one he has ‘confessed to’.

If he is dropping hints, or you suspect that might be what he wants from other requests, why not start the conversation yourself. It can take a lot of courage to tell someone that, especially as in the male world it might be considered weak. It isn’t but it can unfortunately be presented that way.

If you don’t want to tackle the subject directly, tll him you have read a book on the female led relationships, or someone at work was talking about it. Just ask him what his initial thoughts are, and see if he bites, and opens up about it.

a woman at dest with kneeling naked sub

At the very least it is not helpful to either laugh or outright dismiss his desire for a female led relationship. That is likely to be completely counterproductive.

Why he wants you to take more control, and what the limits of that control are, will be different with every male who desires this type of relationship.

Personally, I believe it has something to do with balance between a professional and private life. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to provide, and their basic instincts are competitive. As such many men make a successful career in their professional lives. At work, they can often be the proverbial ‘king of the jungle’ and they are in control of the tasks of others.  Day to day at work they are the decision makers.

As a counterbalance, they require an element of their life where they are not in control. They desire a private life where the decision making is taken from them. It is a therapeutic measure for them, and as such they really prefer their wife to be a dominant wife. 

a female mistress looking down

It satisfies a need within them. And they have chosen you.

How Being A Dominant Wife Benefits You

Ironically, a dominant wife not only can benefit you but can actually lead to a more harmonious relationship.

It sounds paradoxical I know, but here’s what I mean.

In a typical relationship the female may do a little more of the household chores than the male. The male may only do a few, and really resent doing them when he does. If at all they will be a bit half baked. The female may get a bit resentful, maybe even bite her lip for a bit. Eventually though an argument will ensue and resentment might actually grow over time. The female nags a bit, and the male complains. It can be a repetitive cycle.

A dominant wife within a female led relationship will play out differently though, and will work for the benefit of both the male and female.

a mistress in the middle of a spanking with a paddle

In the above scenario, within a female led relationship the female is clearly the head of the household. She has blanket authority, given to her consensually, to dish out chores in order to keep the house functioning the way she likes it. As such, she can give the male a list of tasks to be completed to a standard. She can insist they are done before a TV football match or he will not be allowed to watch it.

He has some clearly defined tasks with a punishment for non-completion. It is not outlandish, it just the dominant wife exercising her right. The male can then decide how much he wants to watch the game in relation to his chores. He can complete them satisfactorily, or face a punishment that he does not wish to receive. The dominant wife has the autonomy to make the punishment more severe as well.

In the end, the male will relent most probably as his dominant wife has exercised her authority and will feel duty-bound to comply. In the end, a cycle of resentment has been averted and both the wife and the husband will be happier.

In many relationships the wife can punish the husband in a multitude of ways, but with a dominant wife then the punishment is consensual.

It is entirely possible that with you being a dominant wife, the domestic routine may not change very much, it is just that between you there is a clearly defined role. Far from feeling that you will be sidelined and ignored, you will have an authority given to you that makes the household run a lot smoother.

a mistress on a seat elongating her legs with sub kissing her heels

As a small word of warning, both from experience and having knowledge of the Stanford prison experiment, it is not advisable to take things too far, especially without discussion with him on the balance being applied.

If you are too picky, too domineering or start getting him to do things where he starts to feel that it is a power trip, then it won’t work. At least not for long. Your goal should not be to turn him into an automaton, a completely unthinking being, who has to ask permission to do anything, and receives punishments on a whim. He will quickly tire of it.

The idea is to use your authority to keep the household running, give him tasks and instructions to improve him and throw in a little kink if you so desire, in order to keep things fun, fresh and exciting.

For both of you.

How To Start A Dominant Wife Relationship Using Domestic Discipline

The thought of starting a dominant wife relationship is exciting for many, however for most who cautiously go into this lifestyle, their thoughts turn to the discipline part of it.

a mistress standing and pushing a subs face into her pussy

It’s easy to request that the dishes are washed, but what if they aren’t done. What if a chore isn’t performed as well as you know he can do it. You suspect he did it half-heartedly, and want to discipline him. How do you go about doing that?

If you have experienced this emotion, then you are not alone.

Every woman who has been asked this will have been there at some point, so for now it’s good that you are entertaining the idea, and are wondering what will a dominant wife do, and be expected of her. Further, how do you start?

The society we live in tends to make men more comfortable with authority, and often there is a natural default to it, and as such many women feel a certain reluctance to assume the role.

Typically then, although not a certainty, the husband will make the request to the wife. Despite many fiction and erotic novels depicting the idea of an empowered woman sauntering through life with men willing to commit to any task at the click of her fingers, this is not the normal way it starts.

Again, from everyone I have spoken to, the idea was proposed by the male, more often than not. It most probably is your situation if you are reading this.

He also probably wasn’t recently having these thoughts and came to you immediately. Chances are pretty good that he feels comfortable having told you, was a little unsure of how you might take it, and is keen to know your initial thoughts.

a mistress with sub on leash kissing toes

He has most likely been waiting for the right woman, in order to let her have some authority over him. This goes far beyond sexual proclivities, and satisfies a need to be ‘out of control’ in an area of his life.

So most female led relationships start by the male initiating a conversation, and the female having no idea.

Many women faced with the idea for the first time, are not only reluctant but somehow feel that by entering the experience, they will irrevocably change a situation they are happy with, or don’t wish to make things worse.

You do not have to start a dominant wife role by delving in headfirst and feeling overwhelmed. It is perfectly understandable, indeed I’d even say advisable to start small. Go at your own pace.

Have a perfectly open and frank discussion with him about why he feels this way and what he expects from you. If you feel like you want to give it a go, confine it to just chores until you feel comfortable.

Set up your own space and breathing room with which to grow into the role. In time you may grow to like it, see the advantages and not go back to the way it was before. You do not have to be 100% domme all the time.

a mistress with no underwear on facesitting on the bed

So start small, confine yourself to areas of control you are comfortable and grow as you gain experience and confidence.

A 1000 mile journey starts with a small step.

What Are The Levels Of Domestic Discipline

There are no hard and fast rules for this. There is not a set of instructions I could put up, definitions to employ and tasks to dished out within categories that would be suitable for everyone as a guide.

Every dominant wife is different, as is every husband who submits to their wife being the head of the household.

At its basic level, as a dominant wife you are in charge of running the household. Indeed there are many couples who have this quite naturally and don’t know it. It has never been discussed between them and if confronted that that is what they are practicing might recoil in horror.

a mistress taking off her jacket to deliver a spanking

Many practice the art of female led relationships rather unwittingly, with the wife having the final say on household matters, along with requests for the husband to perform certain tasks. He does so, but the relationship contains no discipline formally. He does it as he does not want to invite her displeasure, and it needs to be done anyway,

How many men take the trash out when their wives require them to do it?

Without a female led relationship the wives can come across as nagging or bossy, which can lead to resentment. Within the confines of an agreed head of household though, these fears subside.

So that’d be the first and most basic level, one where the wife has more of a say over household chores, but little or no say in enforcement, largely perhaps because the situation has not led to any formal discussion of a female led relationship.

a mistress in the middle of a spanking

To be honest, this is not what most men want or desire from a dominant wife. If he has asked you to be a bit more authoritative, then he is unlikely to be satisfied with this. It’s probably not healthy for you either.

Despite the images that phrases like ‘BDSM’ and ‘dominant wife’ conjure up, a little step up from this is where most people settle. Very few women want a male slave who they respect, and no man wants to be completely empty of self-respect. So the balance, for nearly all is somewhere in the middle.

As a beginner, and indeed where you may feel comfortable is to treat the dominant wife persona as an option that you can exercise at any time.

Most of the time you are just you, and your husband is still your husband,  

Every now and again though, you can put on the ‘dominant wife hat’ and enforce your requests. The silent but unspoken rule will exist and he will know you are exercising your right. Maybe he has been given the task of cleaning the bathroom every week and keeping it generally clean. You have friends coming round and want the bathroom spotless beforehand. 

a mistress in the middle of a spanking by hand

You can now, insist that it is done before a certain date, so you are not embarrassed. He will know this is not a request but an order from you, and the ball is now in his court. If he does it you can reward him.

If he doesn’t you can punish him. He does so in full knowledge that you can correct his behavior with punishments. Maybe, by sending him to bed early, because he has acted like a child.

You don’t have to be in the dominant wife mindset 100% of the time. You can slip in and out as when you see fit. You can take charge when you feel you need to and step back when you don’t. Simple as that, and the fact is this is where most female led relationships begin and end.

Not as a lifestyle, but more of an option to be considered. You can assert your authority whenever you see a reason to. It’s just a question of asking him when he will submit to you.

Every man in a female led relationship is different and responds differently. If you are both happy in principle to using spanking as a corrective measure, it’s quite surprising how often threatening to paddle his bottom 5 times will motivate him.

a mistress with a kneeling sub

The idea is that you have autonomy whenever you feel the need for it. He may be doing his chores perfectly and very little needs to be done on a daily basis. 

As long as you discuss frequently your role and his desires frankly every now and again, then things will chug along just fine.

Pretty uncommon, but certainly not unheard of is the 24/7 method of female led relationships. As a dominant wife you will take charge of all aspects of the household, and even his persona when in public. 

Did he make a snide passing remark? Well, he can go to bed early when he gets home. To be honest, this is quite difficult to sustain in any normal, human way.  It requires you to be completely on the watch all of the time, and as such is pretty unrealistic for most couples.

By far the majority of the time it’s the wife or female partner exercising her authority when she sees fit. It seems a bit ‘middle of the road’ and maybe will be too vanilla for some, but it is the easiest to maintain. Gradually, you can both increase your roles as you start to feel more comfortable.

Occasionally you can inject some kink into it, say by getting him to clean the kitchen naked, but using only an apron. In a fun way it will remind him of his subservience to you if nothing else.

a mistress with a kneeling sub on a collar

As you take your first faltering steps into being a dominant wife your life need not alter a great deal. You have the freedom to choose your own path. Try it as often as you feel comfortable, even if it seems a little irregular. A lot of people start by trying it once a month. A wife will put her foot down on an issue, and remind her husband of the agreement.

He will still feel like you are in control, and you can increase the frequency of your interjections as often as you like. Starting small and infrequently is perfectly OK.

It is worth noting at this stage, that your man will still have a craving for correction. Even if he is doing his chores well to please you there may be a need developing that will require you to exercise some corrective activity.

It’s worth mentally preparing yourself for when you need to discipline him, to satisfy his needs for submissiveness. Don’t panic there are ways of giving punishments with minimal effort from you, so you don’t have to feel awkward and he feels his submissive needs are being fulfilled.

Setting The Tone Of A Dominant Wife’s Expectations

OK, so you are fully on board with at least giving this a go. Your submissive husband has asked you to be a bit more authoritative.

a mistress having her feet kissed by a naked sub

While you do not have to have the commanding tone of a BDSM madam, it is pretty essential to have your wishes come across as more than polite requests that are open to defiance.

The last thing you want is him openly flaunting your authority. He may be the kind of man who enjoys pushing boundaries and will need to find that limit, which you will have to enforce. Part of the dynamic though is creating the atmosphere in your request that leaves non-compliance off the table.

This is something many new ‘dominant wife’s’ feel ill at ease with but it is entirely possible to do it passively almost, and leave him doing all the work. As he you see he gradually accepts your authority, you will naturally feel more comfortable with things you are currently uneasy about.

As a rule, he will expect you to correct or punish his behavior.

Without delving too deeply into it at this stage, there are plenty of punishments that can have an effect, both in correcting behavior and fulfilling his needs about not crossing your authority. They are minimally intrusive on your day, and in some cases, simple and easy to administer.

Your submissive partner, however, will definitely feel your authority.

a mistress having her feet kissed by a naked sub while reading

One such punishment is writing lines. You can have as much with this as you like. Dress him as a schoolboy if you like, but get him to write out by hand, ‘I must not question my wife’s authority’ in very neat handwriting. Ask for 100 lines or as many as you wish.

The point is you do not have to do much else, other than make the request and start him about his punishment. You can carry on watching TV, or reading your book. Just get him to text you when he has finished so you can inspect his work. If it’s sloppy you can get him to do it again, if it isn’t, his punishment is over. 

If 10 lines are unreadable get him to write out another 20 times and you can inspect it again.

As long as you take your role seriously, so will he. These things should not be done half-heartedly, and with no real standards. You must explain to him why he is performing the punishment and what standards you expect. You must have the appearance of taking your standards seriously. If you don’t, he won’t.

In the above example, if those 20 lines aren’t done well enough then the paddle may come out, or you can restrict the watching of a TV show.

a mistress receiving pleasure via oral

There are plenty of examples of punishments that are easy to dish out, will be felt as a real punishment, and require very little oversight by you. As a quick example you may require him to stand in a corner, naked and think about what he has done. Or send him to bed early.

All punishments must be dished out with a serious tone. They must feel like you are doing it for a reason, and not on a whim, or just for the enjoyment of inflicting misery. 

Take spanking. Many men have no issue with the idea of corporal punishment as a tool at your disposal should you deem it necessary. If you giggle, and all but lightly tickle him with the spanking paddle then this completely demolishes his need for your authority. The key would be to not worry too much, and really make him feel the impact. Give his backside a good whack. If he has asked for you to be dominant then dispensing a good spanking that will genuinely sting him may need to be done from time to time.

If he desires you to be a dominant wife then he will expect limits to be tested and you to be firm and unwavering. The last thing he will want is you to continually bend to his wishes. Have a line, and punish if he crosses it.

When setting the correct tone, you will need to tell him why. He needs to understand and be crystal clear as to why he is being punished. If he has been a bit testy recently and is pushing your buttons then a good catch-all reason is to remind him who is in charge. If he has been a little lazy you can always punish him for taking this attitude.

a mistress in red dress looks down on a sub

Women new to the idea of being a dominant wife sometimes are a little unsure as to whether their submissive will actually want a proper punishment. After all, why would you actually crave something that is unpleasant?

The truth is a submissive male who has opened up to you about his wish for you to be a dominant wife will definitely crave being disciplined. Further, they will desire it to be both real and an actual punishment. They definitely want to see you genuinely punishing them if you are genuinely disappointed in their behavior.

Simply put, they want to receive a genuine punishment if you are genuinely of the opinion they deserve it.

This then relieves you of the obligation to overthink the matter. Has your submissive done something to warrant a punishment? If he has, he wants to receive it. Additionally, he wants it to be an actual punishment, and not fake. Thus do something he actually would not want.

It becomes paramount then to make the punishment unpleasant for him. If he is agreeable to corporal punishment, make sure he feels the sting of the cane or paddle. Taking away his tablet or grounding him from using his gaming machine for a specified period will definitely be something he doesn’t want. Make him ask politely for them back when the specified period comes to an end.

a mistress in lingerie on the bed next to male in panties

Whatever you choose, actually making it a punishment is the key here. They are facing consequences that they desire in their submissiveness. Make it about correcting errant behavior.

You can also vary the corrective behavior punishment as well. It doesn’t need to be the same all the time. Don’t make him stand in a corner every time he does something that warrants it. Be a little creative and random. Maybe make him watch a movie you know he will hate and write 1500 words on what he thought of it.

Any punishment should be discussed when it is concluded. The message you need to be sending is that he deserved this punishment and explain why you issued it. Tell him you expect to see an improvement and move on. If need be, say you know it was unpleasant for him, but you will not hesitate to do it again, if he further transgresses.

As a final note, setting the tone is crucial to how your submissive husband will view the experience. Taking the time to get it right, making sure it is warranted and is being applied as a punishment for transgression, or unacceptable behavior.  He will crave your firm hand and steady application of your authority.

Domestic Discipline Punishments For The New Dominant Wife

Under the banner of punishments, there is a vast array at your disposal. Some you will choose because they work, and some you will choose because it satisfies your submissive husband’s craving to be chastised for a transgression.

He will leave the application and decisions on this to you, which means you need to be mindful of the fact that at some point you will have to administer them.

a mistess face sits a sub while reading and wine

So with a creative selection at your disposal, what sort do you choose. 

Well, for many it might be a case of letting the punishment fit the crime. If he is acting childish and you feel you need to correct him, then send him to bed early without supper. If he is being lazy, then how about a bout of forced exercise?

Many men though seem to like corporal punishment as a tool in your arsenal. It doesn’t have to be every time, just when you feel it is deserved. 

Most often, and I’m willing to bet here, that many men who submit to a female led relationship will expect corporal punishment. Men seem to take it as a physical challenge.

So, ultimately, spanking may become where you decide to reserve your most fervent punishments. Whenever all else may be failing, a thorough and unpleasant spanking may be the answer. Although if he is slightly masochistic then it can’t be used as a punishment. 

It simply must be unpleasant for it to work effectively. Otherwise you just end up reinforcing bad behavior.

Luckily, in the realm of disciplinary action that you can use, there are many alternatives. Not every punishment has to be straight out of a madams dungeon either. There is plenty you can achieve through normal procedures. And very effective they can be too.

a mistress forces her sub to give oral

For many, the thought of leather boots and whips is a little extreme. Don’t worry, you are not alone.

Below is a list of some very simple punishments that applied he will do, but try to avoid. He should not revolt against any of them, and they do not involve taking up much of your valuable time.

Nobody has universal likes and tastes, so feel free to like, tweak or outright dismiss any you do not like.

Grounding – Nearly everyone has had this applied to them, specifically when they were children. There is a reason parents use it as an effective tool. Not only do you control his behavior, but you have to think about the duration.

Maybe for small indiscretions, you can take away his access to his tablet that he uses to play games on. So if your submissive husband forgets to do something you can remove it for a few days. At other times, you may decide on something larger. Say he forgets to do a chore, you can take it away for a week. For something more serious, like missing a car payment due to laziness, you can forbid him from going out for 3 weeks. He must forgo all activities with his friends at the weekends for 3 weeks.

Privilege denial – Maybe you have given out the task of cleaning all the ground floor windows of the house at the weekend. By the end of the weekend, it hasn’t been done, despite a reminder. So when his night out for beers with his mates rolls round, you can inform him he will not be making it. Tell him to make him up a suitable excuse. He will be doing the windows next weekend under your supervision, and now the upstairs ones can be done naked.

Chores – I think it’s fair to say, most men really hate housework. Dishing out additional chores, above and beyond his expected duties really does exude authority. It can be direct and will make your man really feel like you are being dominant.

a mistress cradles her sub's head between her legs

The language is important, as it always is. Asking politely, or adding caveats to the request really does tone down your commanding permission. Adding ‘would you mind …..’ or ‘when you get round to it, can you …’ takes away from your authority.

A much better way is to drop the caveats and polite requests. Instead say something like ‘your last attempts at chores were not acceptable. You were very lazy. I expect you to clean the oven, and mow the lawn as punishment. No delays. You have some time so I expect you to do both now’

Really push home your dominant wife position. It is, after all, what he has requested from you.

Line writing – This one has been used since we invented the wheel. It’s also simplicity itself. You can ‘tweak’ to it, requiring it in perfect fountain pen calligraphy, but basically, just pick a line that you want written out and then pick how many lines he must write out. Simple.

Some good lines might be

  • I must obey my mistress at all times
  • I must remain obedient to my wife
  • I will not make my mistress unhappy
  • I must fulfill my wife’s desire 
  • I am the obedient servant of my wife

You get the idea.

The key to line writing is not only in the execution, which means that every single word must be legible, but also it needs to be inspected. No scribbled mess, and no getting away without having it checked least he thinks he hasn’t been disciplined.

a mistress paddles a sub over a chair

If a sentence isn’t up to scratch, you can add another 5 lines for each time you struggle to read a word.

Pointless task – If you feel he deserves to be given something pointless, as in just a waste of time you can assign him something pointless. Normally a chore has a goal, like a clean bathroom, or a well-mowed lawn. To emphasize your disappointment, try making it pointless.

Say you were talked down to a bit during a night out, or he made himself look better by making fun of you in front of friends, then you might decide a pointless chore is a corrective solution.

Empty a jar of coffee granules over the countertop and ask him to count how many there are. Or try it with a cup full of rice.

Say you are making a rice dish for supper. Get a cup full and ask how many grains there are in it. Now get him to count out a second portion.

This is time-consuming and having no preferred goal, can be slightly humiliating as well. He will feel very submissive and corrected if you can get him to do this.

a mistress shackles a slave for a spanking

Book copying – Every time he needs a little reason to understand why you are in charge, get him to copy a page from a well-known book. Pick a favorite book of yours, and get him to copy out a page every time. Eventually you will have a handwritten book.

Oddly, brandishing this book as a warning will have an immediate effect. If you pick a classic, like Moby Dick, and every time he edges towards being a bit disrespectful, you hold it up, he will know he is transgressing, and if he continues, what he will be doing next.

Apology essay – For anything you can call an infraction, say disrespect, or laziness, get him to write out his definition of it, why it is bad and how he hopes to correct his behavior.

Early bed – Being treated to a punishment that is more suitable for teenagers, can truly humiliate and punish your husband. There is to be no laptop, tablets or phones. It’s just lights out and him trying to sleep. Particularly effective if he is talkative and you are trying to watch a movie. The next time you want to watch a movie he will be put to bed so you can get some quiet, and he has time to reflect on his attitude.

Standing in the corner – This is another classic, that can be effectively used with other punishments to elongate them. Making him stand in the corner naked, facing the wall while waiting for a spanking enhances the punishment quite effectively. Also, you can do it afterward as well.

a mistress paddles a sub over her legs on the bed

Corner time can be used in a multitude of ways, not only to prolong another punishment. It can be used all on its own, or a quick warning that you are reaching your tolerance limits.

Thus if a chore is not completed satisfactorily you can add 30 minutes standing alone time before redoing the chore, or you can just go straight to the corner time.

If he has displeased you somehow, you can send straight to the corner for an hour or two.

Also, suppose you are saying something and he keeps interrupting. He does it a few times and doesn’t notice the social signals you are sending. You can quickly send him to the corner for 5 minutes and explain why. After 5 minutes you can begin again, and this time he should be more amiable to your points, and let you continue without interruption. 

Corner time can also be a very quick prelude to much harsher punishment, and as an immediate warning that he is to change his ways pretty damn quickly.

It can be extremely effective and is a great addition to your disciplinary toolkit.

Speech denial – Should he be rude or disrespectful, then why not remove his speech for a specified period. Tell him he is not to speak unless he gets permission from you.

If he needs to he will put up his hand so you can decide if he is allowed to speak.

a mistress paddles a sub over the couch

Or if he has acted a bit babylike, then you can make him shake a rattle for the same permission.

Baby food – This is another good one for a man who is acting either immaturely or is having a small tantrum. This one seems really simple, and yet is hugely effective. When you deem it appropriate, get him to sit in a chair and keep his hands by his sides. Spoon feed him a mouthful at a time. Put a bib on him if you need to emphasize his behavior.

It will be memorable for him, and depending upon whether he likes the food, just getting out another tin and placing it in view without saying anything, can often correct behavior before anything else is needed.

Pacifier treatment  – Another one if the punishment is better if he is quiet. It is also the same as most baby rectifying methods. If he acts like he is 4 years old, then why not treat him like that. Have a pacifier ready, and just drop it into his mouth when you feel you need to.

While there are many alternatives you could use, although adding a little humiliation into the mix can often add a new dimension to any punishment.

Wearing diapers – While he is doing a chore make him do it wearing diapers. It can be pretty funny to watch a man doing the dishes in diapers. Keep them on him all day, and if he wants to go to the toilet make him say ‘ I wanna go a poo poo’ to have them removed.

a sexy mistress on the couch having her feet worshipped

Wearing panties – While this can always be a little bit of a fetish, for those who aren’t into it, being forced to wear female panties can be a little humiliating. For any transgression, you can get him out of his underwear and make him wear them. 

You can combine this with other chores, so he can vacuum around the house while wearing panties, and a garter belt if you like. His own clothing will be allowed to be used once he has earned it.

Sex grounding – If you really want to make a man sit up and take notice, this one really gets their attention. Being told there will be no sex for a specified amount of time can really be a good threat to him. If you actually do use it as a punishment, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it.

You can add an additional twist by making him watch you masturbate, or making him give you oral, but he will not be receiving any reciprocating activity.

A submissive man, under a dominant wife, will really feel your authority if this is ever used.

Palm swat – A quick smack across the palms or knuckles can give swift and effective behavior correction. Whether with a ruler or the back of a hairbrush, this can be dispensed whenever a quick point has to be made.

A hairbrush can be kept in a handbag as well, and would look totally natural there. At home, you can have a metal ruler. 

Another advantage to this is that as well as it satisfying any desire for corporal punishment it can be performed while in public. If you are blatantly being disrespected, you can quickly pull him aside, and in a brief moment of privacy, deliver a quick corrective smack to his knuckles. A short and sharp warning for him to correct himself.

a headmistress in a purple blouse spanking a naughty schoolboy

The Dominant Wife And Spanking

When you are in a female led relationship, if you ever chat to another dominant wife or a group, you will probably find the application of corporal punishment to be at the very top of the list of punishments you can dole out.

From the submissive’s point of view, it is very impactful (pun intended). It really does make you the authoritative voice in the relationship, it will satisfy a submissive’s psychological needs and performed correctly, has a great effect of transforming behavior.

So, in almost all cases, spanking will be the ultimate punishment. If you are to truly to get into the dominant wife role, then practicing the art of corporal punishment will play a big part.

Unfortunately, many women also see it as an obstacle and something that they are a little intimidated by. While not true, it does present the beginner with a mental hurdle to overcome. When you learn his psychology, and deep down he wants you to practice it, then it becomes less of an issue.

a redhead mistress with boots and whip

It is something you will probably have to learn, but again, it might not be your thing.

Many women do not like the idea of applying force and inflicting pain, and when they do, there is a reserved nature to it, and it lacks power. It is probably this reluctance that robs your submissive of a real experience.

There are many myths regarding spanking that cause this reluctance which need to be addressed.

It is only proper and right to address the mentality of spanking, from both the dominant wife’s point of view and the submissive husbands.

Understanding not only what you are doing, and why you are doing is important to get the right mindset to deliver spankings with confidence. The key to understanding it lies with understanding why your husband has a need and desire for it, and will submit himself to your punishment.

In the very beginning, presumably, if you have never done it before it is entirely understandable to be nervous. That is a totally normal reaction.

The fact that you are willing to give it a go will speak volumes. Your submissive should be thrilled that you are considering this, so the first steps into corporal punishment will be apprehensive and with some trepidation.

The thing is you are willing to give it a go. If it really doesn’t sit well with you, then that’s fine. If you are OK with it, you can always pay a professional for a few minutes to dish out the punishments when you know he needs them.

Most women though, and by most, I mean the vast majority, will start cautiously and nervously, and as they learn more about it, and their husbands willingness and lack of resentment towards you for it, they grow in confidence. Again, all perfectly normal.

a mistress spanking her slave

As most women grow into the role, they become better at dishing out the punishments. It should come pretty quickly, especially if your submissive is thankful for your tutelage.

Part of the key mindset to understanding why your husband will willingly submit to a corporal punishment is key to understand. While there are no hard and fast rules, as everyone is different, the idea of being chastised for disobedience satisfies their need for your control. It is the ultimate expression of your authority over them and satisfies their need for you to be dominant. 

Men can also bottle things up a bit,as I am sure you have noticed, and in many ways, it’s similar to heavy physical exercise in that their aggression can be exorcised in a healthy manner. Many men, when running, run harder and faster when there is built up aggression.

Delivering a good spanking can often provide the same therapeutic effect for your submissive man. While he will be gritting his teeth, and even letting out a few grunts and yelps while you administer it, deep down the therapeutic effect is working.

He is so out of control of the situation, that the spanking is essentially relieving him of anxiety, precisely why he has asked you to be a dominant wife in the first place.

The other effect is that is assuages guilt for the ‘crimes’ he has committed to deserve it. If he has pushed you too far with something, and you exercise your right to administer a spanking, deep down he knows he was pushing you, and that it was wrong. By delivering the spanking, in a manner where he has to embrace the pain, it will put a line under the incident that caused the transgression.

This strangely has an effect of making your whole relationship calmer. Nothing is ever resented and allowed to fester, so that it boils up and becomes a bone of contention, and quite possibly a bad argument.

a mistress punishing a slave

A good spanking has benefits for both of you.

Slightly in coordination with my ‘runners high’ analogy, in mitigating aggression, a spanking also releases endorphins into the brain. Endorphins are nature’s ‘feel-good’ drugs. It releases tension and is very calming over a prolonged period of time.

Being spanked is, at the very least exciting for him, as it is a ‘small challenge’ to go through. He has to endure pain, and feels a little triumphant at the end that he got through it. The fact that you are in charge of it, only enhances the experience.

The point I’d make is that you shouldn’t ignore spanking as a tool in your arsenal. It is performed in the majority of female led relationships to the enthusiasm of both men and the women.

In the end, your submissive will push boundaries of the limits you set. It’s only natural. When he does so, and the transgression is serious, getting him to bear his bottom and walloping him with a paddle so that he really feels its sting is a terrific way of providing him with real-world consequence.

You can then get him to stand in the corner for a while so he can reflect upon his behavior. Ironically, you will have done your submissive a huge favor.

A Word On Disciplinary Spankings

So, we know when your husband approached you about being a dominant wife that your husband has fantasies and craves your discipline.

A firm female hand to his submissive male if you will.

a mistress stroking a slave

He will both need and expect your discipline. The key is to realize that he does not want to enjoy it. He wants the ‘real’ experience of both committing a punishable act and receiving an actual punishment.

As a dominant wife, you must not make light of them. You must reserve them for when correction or punishment is needed. Separate in your head the kinky spankings of the 1960s movies, and the delivery of the corrective measures you will dish out.

They are not a prelude to sex, or a kinky and erotic sideline. They are punishments, pure, and simple.

When he has given rise to deserve one, whether ignoring you, or laziness, then you must tell him he has behaved in a way that warrants a spanking. Take him aside and deliver it. Make him stand in the corner afterward as a period of reflection.

If you sense he might need a good spanking, as in he is a bit uptight and stressed, then you can always say that you have noticed a few talkbacks recently, and need to give a reminder as to who is in charge.

I make no apologies for my keeping mentioning about setting the correct tone, as it’s essential to get the message successfully across. Do not be afraid to let him know you are disappointed in him and know he can do better.

Make it a true punishment, and this can be enhanced slightly by making him recite an appropriate line between each stroke.

a mistrss paddling a slave

For example, if he keeps talking over you in public and you have told him to stop, yet he did it again, why not get him to say out loud ‘I must not talk over my wife in public’ as you deliver each stroke. A recital and 10 wallops of the paddle will have a corrective effect.

How To Deliver A Domestic Spanking

The how to deliver bit of corporal punishment isn’t particularly difficult to learn, there are plenty of videos online about it, but a quick primer may be needed if you have never done it before.

The first thing to understand is you need to make it an event. Don’t just punish him quickly, and almost as an afterthought. He has transgressed so deserves some punishment time. If you like, get him to stand naked in a corner and prepare himself for the spanking.

A good spanking should last anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes. Excluding his corner time, you have to prepare him and then deliver,

It prolongs the experience and makes it more of a spectacle for him.

Select a suitable position for him where you think you have good access to paddle his bottom. For some it’s over the knee, but bent over a table, or the back of a couch will do just fine.

You must first ‘warm-up’ his bottom. So make sure his naked buttocks are showing and either by hand, or with a wooden spoon just lightly smack his cheeks until they start to glow a little red. 

Next, select your instrument. You have many options here but the hand may not be particularly effective for a punishment spanking. Kinky spanking, yes, but for a real punishment you will need something with a little more oomph. 

The common implements are a paddle, a belt or a cane if you so wish. Try them out and see what suits you. You should administer anywhere between 15 to 25 strokes, and make them sting.

By the final stroke his backside should be really stinging. You might have heard yelps, and there was almost certainly some gritting of teeth, but that is the essence of the punishment. Something that didn’t actually hurt, wasn’t a real punishment.

a mistress pulling a leash

He must have really felt those strokes. You will not cause any lasting physical harm to him, and he has a safeword that he can utter, so don’t be afraid to act up here, and really let him have it.

His backside should be red and stinging when you have finished. This is NOT supposed to be a pleasant ordeal.  And remember, he actually wants this, despite his in the moment reluctance.

Remember to make him count out as you deliver each stroke, and make him recite his ‘I must not be disobedient to my wife’ line if it enhances the experience for you both.

Use whatever implement you feel suits you but most of the time a paddle or a belt will be fine. You should probably purchase both and keep them for the punishment purpose alone. A thick leather belt is better and personally I prefer a leather paddle to the wooden ones, but it’s a personal preference.

Take you time as well Don’t deliver a set of whacks and be over quickly, keep making this an event. Take your time, maybe even change his position. Make a show of inspecting and commenting on how red his ass cheeks are.

The time between each stroke, his body is subsiding with pain, and he is anticipating the next blow. Make apprehension part of the punishment. His ass may well be very red and he is yelping on each stroke. Don’t worry, he is OK. Keep going and see it through to the end.

The demeanor you want to portray is of a calm and dominating wife, dishing out a punishment to an errant husband. Try to remain unemotional, and professional. In other words, try to remain detached.

a woman pulling a leash with naked man on all fours

It’s hard I know, but it really enhances the experience. Never punish out of anger or use a raised voice, it looks out of control, and is probably not what your husband is looking for.

As a beginner, it’s probably not advisable to be trying to balance a man across your lap or over the knee. If you are small, it can be quite awkward to do. A much better option is getting him bent over a couch, or the bed. You have much more maneuverability then. 

Alternatively he can just be put on the bed, with a pillow used to raise his backside. You have much better access then.

If you are a beginner this all may seem a bit overwhelming, and a little intimidating, but you should give it a go. Your submissive husband will thank you for it, at least inwardly.

Why And How To Use Humiliation

Humiliation is a tricky thing to describe. It’s a small punishment for sure, as there is an element of reluctance to it, but it goes deeper than that.

It’s not entirely of a sexual nature either, although it can draw in elements from that sphere as well. You can certainly use it to add a spontaneous element of kink.

Yet there remains something intriguing and powerful about humiliation that makes it an effective tool. There is no real explanation that would satisfy everyone, but from an amalgamation of view, I would suggest it’s because it is total submission.

There is a sort of complete surrender to the dominant wife when you talk about humiliation. There is an embarrassing element to it, and yet a submissive will do it regardless. For a dominant wife, her power remains supreme if she can humiliate her husband and he complies regardless.

a mistress leading a floor cleaning slave

As there often is a sexual component to the humiliation, then it will often arouse a submissive man which makes it fun, yet at the same time carries with it some trepidation. From the submissive mindset, you have no idea how long she makes you endure it, or what level of embarrassment you may have to suffer. For many, this is part of the excitement.

Humiliation then, will make a submissive man, craving both discipline and punishment feel fulfilled deep down in his soul.

Defining punishment is easy, as is discipline, but humiliation can span all elements. It can also stand on its own, having no disciplinary or punishment component. It can be kinky fun or it can be a dreaded fear. The scope is just massive and is not easily quantifiable.

With that in mind, as a dominant wife you must be aware of the trust your submissive man will be placing in you. When you step to practicing humiliation, a new level of trust is being developed, and as such a new bond formed with the opposing views of authority and compliance. Done correctly, it will leave you both with a deeper sense of meaning to the relationship.

An important point is to know where the line is with humiliation. Being outed in public is a good example of perhaps going too far if the submissive is not prepared for it. It would break all that trust in an instant.

a mistress whipping a slave

If you are unsure of where limits are, get him to write a lengthy essay on it, detailing it out for you as a chore for a weekend. Then you will have a better idea.

Humiliation can also be the simplest thing. It doesn’t have to be a contrived spectacle, or involving complex props. It can just be a simple exertion of your authority in a public space. 

Imagine walking over to a group of people who your submissive husband has been chatting to, and them mentioning that next weekend they want to come over and watch the ball game. You could ever so slightly humiliate him by saying ‘no, he won’t be doing that. He has a date with a lawnmower’. 

At a stroke, you have been dismissive, and exerted your authority. Your husband will feel slightly humiliated, but to everyone else, they probably didn’t even notice it.

So finding out what your submissive husband finds lightly humiliating, heavily humiliating and would do, only if you forced him to do gives you some idea of how to play humiliation within the confines of a female led relationship.

Some men have fetish for wearing female clothing, thus putting them in frilly panties while doing a chore isn’t a humiliation for him. It must be something that isn’t your submissive is not ‘into’.

For those men not into feminization, there is a wealth of options available to you. You can make him wear panties while doing the vacuuming or you can put him a garter belt, suspenders, a training bra and a negligee so you can have ‘girlie cuddles’ if you like. The point is that if he has no fetish for it, you can use it to aid in humiliation.

a mistress about to spank a slave

Huge gratuitous humiliations are usually the stuff of novels, and films. Certainly of overactive imaginations. While it’s true, some men fantasize about being cuckolded, or dressing as a girl in public, or being spanked in front of friends, the truth is, most of the time it’s a private affair between the two of you.

With the advent of the online world, we live in truly exciting times for the female led relationship, in that most things can now be purchased online.

Although, that’s the interesting thing with humiliation, you can get him to purchase any item physically. You can request he go and buy some products at the sex shop. Would he be humiliated if he had to purchase some female attire designed for males, or some adult diapers? Why not type out a little message to the store clerk, put it in an envelope, and seal it. Your submissive husband can then give it to an employee and have them read it. It will ask them to select some truly humiliating items. If it’s clothing, get them to try it on first, and ask the store clerk’s opinion.

Feel free to get him to wear panties while at work as well. That can be quite humiliating, and also get him to show you photo proof. In today’s day and age, it is simplicity itself for him to take a selfie while at work showing he is still wearing them. It’s a whole day’s thought process for him, but you can pretty much forget about it and leave him to deal with it.

Humiliation can also, as mentioned before, blend the kinky and sexual activity together. It doesn’t always have to be a punishment, but it can certainly emphasize your role as a dominant wife, and in a way he will actually enjoy.

You can quite easily get him naked, and into a set of frilly panties. Sit on the edge of the bed and tell him to masturbate himself into them. You can sexily taunt him, and tease him that he must like female clothing for him to be so excited.

a prsion guard mistress

Maybe then you could make him sit on the floor beside you, still in his frilly panties with his load in them, while you watch a TV show on the couch.

Doing things that aren’t primarily natural, can also be a good source of ideas for humiliation. You could collect his load after masturbation and drop a little bit into his mouth, and make him swallow it, you could even smear it on his face for a while, saying all those porn movies show women doing it, so why not men for a change.

You could put a collar on him and watch him do housework naked, maybe even attach the collar to an extendable dog lead and tie him to something firm so he can’t get away.

If he is getting a little frisky, then why not make him hump a pillow by a window, or even buy a special blow-up doll for the purpose. Watching, and maybe even better yet, taking video of a grown man having sex with a blow-up doll while you make encouraging comments for him to ‘really pound her’ is a sight you won’t forget. Especially if you are videoing it.

The list is quite frankly endless, buy a dildo with a suction cup and make him perform BJ’s on it, cleaning the house in a french maid outfit, or just carrying your handbag around while shopping.

a mistress canng a slave

The beauty of humiliation is that there is a vast array of tasks for you to use, many of them pretty creative because you know his personal desires and fears. It doesn’t all have to be an extravagant event, there are plenty of little things you can do that will fulfill him in his desire to be subservient.

So my final word on it would be to go into it with a sense of fun and wonder. You have the authority here, and he will willingly obey, especially if there is a slight kink to it.

The Art Of Sexual Dominance In A Female Led Relationship

While in any female led relationship, the authority fantasy goes way beyond the bedroom, and involves a deeper drive to be submissive, so they can have an area of their life free from decision, there is no doubt that dominance in the bedroom plays a large part.

In desiring a dominant wife, a submissive man will definitely fantasize about sex, and submitting to your authority. It’s a good chance for you to use sex, to induce a sense of submission, which will turn him on every time he thinks about it.

a mistress pegs her sub on the balcony

Many men, as part of their fantasy, will enjoy the thought of being a toy for your sexual pleasure. The thought of being an instrument on your journey to an orgasm is often part of it. Further, the idea of you being ‘selfish’ in your desire for an orgasm and being commanding about it will turn him on further.

Within the sexual arena, the dominant wife in a female led relationship can really assert her authority. Some you can involve yourself in, some you can pretty much spend a few minutes and then go about your day.

The Tease And Denial

Sometimes called edging, this is the practice of teasing a man till he is on the brink of orgasm, and then denying him the final release. It is intense for your submissive husband and can be kept going for a while if practiced well.

It can sound a little cruel, but your submissive husband will absolutely feel your authority, as you control one of his basic male functions. As he is only allowed to release on your say so, your authority over him is absolute. It can drive him crazy.

a headmistress waiting

While it’s tempting to think this is just a roleplay or event in a short period of time, this is a technique that you can elongate for a while. And by a while I mean a week or so, although there is no specific time limit.

It is perfectly acceptable as a dominant wife for you to make your submissive husband take his pants down so you can play with his penis. Spend some time teasing him and getting him hard. When you sense he is getting close, put his penis back in his underwear. Wait some time and do it again.

When you do this, you will have his undivided attention. And just because you don’t want him to cum to increase his frustration, doesn’t mean you can’t. In fact, making him pleasure you, and denying him his release will just drive him crazier than normal.

So why not play with his penis a few times a day, make him give you cunnilingus till you cum, and then continue playing with him again. After a few days he will be a trembling wreck.

It’s not sadistic, he wants this. Being in charge of his orgasm really makes him feel submissive and satisfies that desire. It also lowers his resistance to defy you. Toying with him sexually really does make an obedient husband.

a domme having herself pleasured

If you have never done it before you should really try it. Tell him he can’t masturbate and occasionally play with his penis and deny him his orgasm, and tell him you will decide later in the week if he can cum, if he has been a good boy.

He will be putty in your hands within no time, and his chores will be done exceptionally well.

The Power Of Chastity

The way to think about chastity is that it is ‘tease and denial’ without the tease. It is a powerful tool that outright denies your submissive husband access to a hard penis.

Often called cock cages or chastity devices, they are small devices that snap around a soft penis and lock shut. The dominant wife has a key to release the lock, and the cage that envelopes the penis stops it getting erect, although he can still urinate.

They don’t hurt him in the physical sense but are used by a dominant wife who wants to know for sure that their husbands will not secretly masturbate when alone, even if he is told not to.

Most people don’t use them regularly, although you can if you want to, and it is a good way to essentially ground him from sex, so is an effective punishment. Also feel free to release him from it, only to do a bit of tease and denial before putting him back in it again.

Putting him in chastity is more of an art than a science. If you read novels on it you will get the impression it’s a device to lock up his penis for months on end. In reality, that is likely to do damage, mentally, if not physically.

a mistress boss interviews a slave

It’s meant to be either punishment or an aid to teasing and is a good tool to remind him about who is really in control. It also doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Why not get him to rub that cage on your ass cheeks before you fully get dressed in the morning. Driving him wild, and being in control will really fulfill his desires.

As a small tip, if you have a period of time when you are not in the mood for sex, why not put him in chastity, so you can drive him wild while you can relax from sex for a while.

The Ruined Orgasm

Some women don’t know you can ruin a man’s orgasm. As ejaculation nears, the man needs constant stimulation on the penis to get an orgasm. However, there does come a point of ‘no return’.

So this takes some practice. If you don’t have it, just tell your submissive man you want to practice ruining his orgasms. Set aside some time each week to masturbate him and then stop and squeeze the penis head. With enough practice, you will get the timing right for him and he will ejaculate but not experience a full orgasm.

You can use your ability to ruin his orgasm as you please. Maybe just for a bit of a tease, or maybe because he has been getting frisky recently, and you need to calm him down.

a mistress takes the pool boy

You can add so much to the experience that it is often considered the ultimate authority. If you can control his sexual urges, deny him his sexual pleasures, and tease him at the same time you will have complete control of your man.

As a step further, try tying him up, either to a bed or a chair, and performing tease and denial before ruining his orgasm. It will drive him wild and confirm your role as a dominant wife. Exactly what he wants.


If you have got this far, and I haven’t scared you witless, that’s probably a good thing.

You are probably looking for as much information as you can on the subject of a female led relationship, and wondered what the dominant wife was about, as well as how it might affect your relationship.

If he wants it, it doesn’t scare you, and you are willing to give it a go, at least in small steps from the beginning then there is a good chance that it can really enhance your relationship, rather than take away from it.

It is advisable to go into it with an open mind. You aren’t going to be a professional from the very start, there will be many things you have to learn, which will only come from experience, and observing the feedback you get from him.

In the early stages, set aside some time to discuss how you have been doing, where you can push him more, and how he feels about it all. Take it on board and carry on. Eventually you will get the knack of it down, and the discussions will peter out.

It will almost certainly feel a little awkward at first, but again, seeing it through will enhance the experience for both of you.

The thought of being ’on’ all the time may be a little daunting, and that’s OK. Feel free to start dominating during play. He will love it and it will still satisfy his submissive desires. Just remember to keep it real, and live up to a character of a mistress if nothing else. He needs to feel under submission at the very least.

A good many couples who practice the art of the female being a head of household do so healthily and wouldn’t change it for the world. You can keep more domineering stuff for the bedroom if you like, or add a little spice with some kink, and feel free to take it away from the bedroom whenever you feel like.

And be a’ normal’ couple until you feel an impulse to return, and could really do with him obeying you when you tell him to. With some dominant kink play behind you, it may be easier.

Everyone is different, so find your own way that suits your personality and style.

Keep reading and learning, and talk to your newly submissive man about his desires for servitude, and what drives and motivates him towards it. You can learn a lot from just talking to him.

Being a dominant wife is something that you may ultimately both enjoy and find useful. Exactly what he wants you to feel like. It may empower you to try different things.

There is a time and a place for being a dominant wife, it does not always have to be 100%, so start taking small faltering steps and enjoy the journey.

13 Responses

  1. Peter

    My wife and I are in a female-led relationship which I am very keen to continue, as is she. Much of the
    advice on this site seems authentic and stimulating to me. When I do or say something that displeases my wife, I know that she will punish me. Over the years, I have learned a great deal from her about appropriate behaviour. If I am rude – to her or to anyone else – she washes my mouth out with soap and spanks me. Some of the methods she uses to correct my behaviour are;
    – Treating me like a child if she thinks I have behaved like one. Putting me in school uniform (always short trousers and knee socks) for up to a day during which I have to write lines and am not allowed to sit down without her permission. Corner time is one of her favourite methods. I sometimes have to kneel – in my school uniform – in a corner for up to two hours with my hands on my head. One other occasions, if she considers that I have acted like a baby, she will make me take off all my clothes, lay on our bed and put a nappy on me. Then she makes me wear rubber pants. On occasions, she has insisted upon me wearing these for an entire weekend. During these periods, I may have to suck on my dummy if my babyish behaviour has included refusing to carry out one of her instructions.
    My wife hangs a leather strap on the back of our bedroom door as a constant reminder of her dominance. I must admit it strikes fear in me every time I see it. I must admit that, occasionally, she has to use it. I have to count each stroke across my bare bottom or the backs of my bare legs and thank her for taking the time to correct me. The last time I received the strap, I counted 30 before begging her to stop. I must admit, I have learned to respect her and do not believe that I could ever be happier in any other relationship.

  2. Bart Stone

    Our FLR began early in our marriage . My wife’s mother confronted me about a number of instances of rude disrespectful behavior . She waited until there was no one around and calmly listed my offenses and announced that she was going to teach me some manners . I apologized but she said she was going to make sure I learn a real lesson . She told me she was going to give me a spanking I would never forget. That was some 50 years ago. It was months before I could tell me wife. My wife who had been spanked growing up said she liked the way I treated her mother aster the spanking and she has been spanking me ever since

    • The queen’s submissive

      Awesome, envious. My wife’s maidenly aunt was 74 and I was 34 when she said she would teach me some manners. After some reluctance I took my punishment that was all she wrote, she spanked me at her will, with the dread that she would tell my wife. about ten years later the aunt passed away. After the funeral my wife commented that I wouldn’t have to worry about bare bottom spankings. How long had she known, about 91/2 years. After my 6th spanking my aunt told her and they agreed it was their little secret, besides my wife said it made me a better husband. Just a few years later we talked and tried WLM. She struggled for about 6 months and then took total control. Once she has total financial control, and decision making with me obeying her every word, the rest just follows
      Happy guy

  3. Sad Dad

    Why are men constantly needing disapline and Chastity Cages? This is quickly turning me off FLRs as a possible relationship model. I am thinking it is all kink and no reality. The man is completely firgetton and left to rot. There is no love for him.

  4. Paul

    Are all FLRs about kink? I see from this website all the pictures are kink and show the man in a degrading position. How is this even fun for the man? I originally thought this was about uplifting the woman through leadership but this looks to be tearing the man down. A simple question – Would you want your grown children, family, friends, co-workers to know all about this? If not then it’s not a good replacement for a partnership. Based on this is a girlfriend suggested a FLR I would say absolutely not! I don’t want to be treated this way nor would I want anybody I knew to be treated this way.

    • Glenn

      I lived in a FLR marriage for ten of our 36 years together. It evolves over time and is very real world. She made all the decisions but I always had input. The best part of making her the head of the house was that fights all but disappeared.

      I was never beaten or physically abused, but there were punishments. I can only recall a handful over ten years.

      FLR was beautiful for me. Each relationship is unique and you decide together what it will look like.

      I could share more but it would be too much for this post. Happy to share if anyone wants to know more.

      • Disgraziato

        There’s no sex after a punishment spanking for me! Sooo my wife after scorching my bottom with what ever implement she used , sits down on the couch , snaps her fingers and points to her treasure which means that I’m to give her tongue service! She demands 2 climaxes! I usually give my all & I succeed in fulfilling her demand ! She then gives me a very passionate kiss and then looks at my erection & chuckles and says : “ No way!” And then says: “You owe me 1 hour of corner time !” My bottom was still throbbing 1/2 later while I stood in the corner! Disgraziato

  5. Bartholomew Simpson

    Why don’t the male’s just end the relationship instead of being led into FLRs. A woman who wants a FLR deserves to be single.

  6. The queen’s submissive

    Very good advice, ideas, and choices. I am in a WLM. 18 years. So much of this rings true. I went from tease and denial to long term orgasm denial. It started out at around 6-8 weeks. Then about 6 years ago it was 4-6 times a year. Yes when it is that few you count them. She is now 71 and has me go down on her 4-6 times a week. I learned to never ask to cum, or how much longer it will be. On New Year’s Eve, 2019, I got to hump her leg to orgasm, 2020 was a true pandemic, I was denied for the entire year, and for the first 3 months this year. I love it for the most part, honoring her total control. It’s not kink with us. No spanking but having the tablet taken away for a week is miserable. I have a debit card with $40 limit. She keeps mt credit card, her accounts and safety deposit box have everything. My SS, pension, and 401K are direct deposited in her bank accounts. I love to obey her. Not for everyone but we are very happy.

  7. Neil salmon

    I have always wanted to be in a female led relationship where my girlfriend/wife trains me to be the best submissive man for her . Complete with obedience training and spankings and humiliation training like wearing a slave collar on a leash , some feminization punishment and strap on training to show me who is the owner of me as her submissive servant .

  8. Disgraziato

    My spankings are primarily with her thickest cane ! Its six of the best with a 30 min corner time & six more which which she expertly applies crossways over the previous
    Six welts ! Im blubbering with flowing tears & again its Corner time!1/2 hour this time! She talks to her sister in whisper tone by phone , describing what my bottom looks like ! “The welts form what she calls a ckecker board! Her sister sometimes teases me saying “ Can we play CHESS on your cheeeeeeeeker board ?” Followed by her lol! Im totally embarassed ! Disgraziato!

  9. Adult schoolboy

    Last week for lack of proper study discipline. From my wife who teacther school roleplay is hard and had a lot of spanking on my bare bottom and have last weekend early bedtime punishment friday saterday and sonday. My early bedtime punishment is early in the evening at 18 pm.

  10. droopy

    My wife sends me to bed early a lot. I’m no longer allowed in the marital bed or the master bedroom. I have a small youth size bed and dresser set up in a 3 x 4 m room. On weekends sometimes my wife has friends over to party and requires me to be in bed (diapered) before they arrive. As I lay there,I can hear all the frolicing and fun everyone is having. As they party outside in the pool/bbq area my wife will deliberately bring her boyfriend up near my window and make out cause she knows I can see it all.

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