If you are looking at stepping into a BDSM lifestyle, whether as a private matter or you want to attend meetings, understanding how to motivate a slave is essential.
How to properly motivate a submissive can take many intriguing angles, and there can be numerous ways to do so.
Dominance over a slave isn’t a given, you have consent to do so, so just issuing commands that do not equally complement the slaves desire for submission will result in fractures in the relationship. Miscommunications are fraught with difficulties. Motivations must be understood.
Every submissive has their own motives, so any dominant must learn the fundamentals of their slaves consent for your dominance. Their own goals and disease need to be incorporated into any dominant relationship.
So what in essence motivates your submissive is integral to being a good dominant,
Goals are very specific and personal to each submissive and dominant partner. Playing into your submissives ‘needs’ will always be welcomed. Do they require a little less control in their lives, because in the workplace they have lots, or is it more from a sexual standpoint. Defining their need will need to be discussed, and understood.
At the very beginning of a BDSM relationship, the training of your submissive begins with understanding this motivation. A good discussion is needed.
Once the motivational aspect has been understood, you can think about either positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement. Simply put, does your submissive respond to the fear and apprehension of being punished, or more positively to rewards dispensed to them.
For others, who like the application of pain, will regard a punishment as a reward. Don’t let your slave enjoy a punishment for others. Punishments, must be something that they fear or despise, but will consent to let you do.
Again, what way do you want to behave as a mistress. Would you rather reward good behaviour, or punish for not being good enough.
Fortunately, men are primarily sexual creatures. They are extremely interested in the sexual aspect of BDSM. Not all, but it can be an extremely powerful motivational tool in your armory.
You will need to motivate in inspirational and novel ways, but a male submissive will comply much more satisfactorily if he believes he will be allowed to release if he performs his duties well.
Here’s a few ideas to motivate him, that play into this positive reinforcement.
Quick masturbation – This is an easy and obvious one. On any given chore you like, tell him if he does a really good job you will give him a much deserved reward. If, and only if he does it to your satisfaction, then let him have a maasturbation of his choosing. Let him know he has been a good slave and mistress is pleased.
Penis pump – Read up on and purchase a penis pump. Tell him you’d like to see his penis a bit bigger. If he does a good job on a chore, you will strip him naked and pump his penis a bit.
Pussy licking – Sometimes you can connect the dots in the mind, and drive motivation. If there is a particularly bad chore you hate, and you want him to to do it with some enthusiasm, then you can inspect his work and reward him with oral sex for yourself. Or you can combine two chores. The key is to reward him with pleasuring you for good performance after the tasks are completed. If he starts to connect good chores with sexual activity he will be well motivated. You can even tease and help him with statements like ‘These chores better be done well. You only get rewards for good work. Mistress needs your tongue soon so don’t disappoint me’.
Masturbate timing – This requires a bit of timing but can be quite fun. If you want a chore doing immediately or at least pretty soon, then get into some sexy gear, and inform him you are going to masturbate yourself while he does the chore. When you have finished, the chore must be done to your satisfaction. If it isn’t he can carry on, if it is, you can reward him by allowing him to clean your juices.
Desensitizing spray test – This is a bit of a long term play. It can be quite fun, and indeed useful. It relies on the differences in desensitizing sprays on the market. If you buy 5 to test then the ‘experiment’ will take about 6 week. You are going to test each one to see if there is a best one. But first you need a baseline. You are going to time how long he takes to come when he masturbates, or you masturbate him. After a chore has been done well, get him excited, and time the process from when he starts. Do that 3 times a week. Take the 3 numbers down each time. The next week you repeat the process, but spend some time spraying his penis beforehand. Again, do it on 3 separate occasions and time the result. Has there been an increase in the time he takes to come. Try each spray to find the best one.
Ball tickling – Whenever he is doing a chore well, just tell him to stop occasionally and drop his underwear a bit. Lightly tickle his balls and tell him to ‘keep it up’.
Kegel exercises – The kegel exercise strengthens the muscle that when exercised can interrupt the urine flow during a pee. It can also be used to stop, or slow down ejaculation. Get him doing the exercises and test him each weekend. You will try to make him ejaculate (after a chore is done well) while he tries to stop it using the exercised muscles. Record the time it takes each time. Hopefully the exercising will allow him to delay an ejaculation. You now have a slave who can last longer.
Grade a chore A to E – On a particularly difficult or time consuming chore tell him you will grade this chore from E (fail) to A (distinction). Inspect the result of his tasking when he has finished. A will earn a reward and E will earn a punishment.
CFNM – Make him do his chore while being naked. You can have plenty of fun with this one. You can do some ‘sexy talk’ and try and make him erect, or pinch his bum when you go past.
Garter underwear – Instead of making him parade naked during the chores, you can make him do it in a garter belt and stockings. Give the elastic a bit of a snap every time you walk past.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.