Occasional Ruthlessness – The Secret To A Great Female Led Relationship

posted in: Femdom, General | 1

A female led relationship, one where the female takes a more dominant role in the conduct of the male, can often satisfy the psychological needs of both partners.

Those new or unfamiliar with the concept often wrongly attribute the power disparity as beneficial to only one party, and see the consept as a dividing chasm for the partnership.

Nothing could be further from the truth for a successful female-led relationship.

A successful femdom partnership will satisfy both parties equally, the female enjoying a more powerful and empowering role, while the male actively enjoys the lack of responsibility and deference to a trusted female.

There is no shortcut to working out what works for you, having some thoughts and experiments are the key to making it work

One thing I think crops up a lot is that there is a very even application of the dominance. Every week the ‘severity’ if you will, is about the same level.

What I’d like to do is try and introduce a slight tweak on that way of thinking, and how it may be beneficial.

So What Is Occasional Ruthlessness In An FLR

Occasional ruthlessness’ might be a ‘clickbait’ type way of describing it, but essentially I mean either a period or event based moment when the power disparity moves more towards the extreme.

Think of it like a splurge, a one-off, an occasional foray into the wild where the female is wantonly displaying the fact that she has the authority.

The frequency of which is open to debate but they shouldn’t be so commonplace that they become the norm.

What we are talking about is an out of the ordinary occurrence to the normal ongoings of the relationship.

By way of example, think of a successful female led relationship which is fairly tame but the female will on the odd occasion, such as when the male deserves punishment, almost radically alters the severity of the power dynamic and exercises that power.

I suppose it could also describe the actions of a wanton mistress consumed by a need to complete something, or an action that needs to be completed. The male submissive becomes a mere pawn.

Think of ‘occasional ruthlessness’ as brief forays into a power trip that otherwise might not be tolerated.

Thus they are often frequently tied together with a more forceful female dominant moment.

Why Occasional Ruthlessness Works

For some, it won’t but it’s worth discussing whether this type of play would work in your relationship.

Like most things in life that are enjoyable occasional splurges work well, as they serve as a raw reminder of what and how we enjoy certain activities.

You couldn’t spend a year watching TV, but occasionally you enjoy a binge-watch of something.

You don’t drink every day, but occasionally almost everyone has had one too many.

So the occasional move into an extreme power dynamic serves as a very emotional way for the female to display her power, and subsequently, the male will reflect upon extreme servitude.

Its fleeting and passing nature helps cement why the female led relationship works in the first place.

Often the male might experience a bout of humiliation, uncomfortableness, or pain as the female exercises her dominant power. He has a very brief moment of being extremely subservient to the point of having a lack of self-respect.

An Example Of Occasional Ruthlessness

Often, the best way to convey an idea is to give an example, and that’s what I intend to do here.

Consider a female led relationship where there is general normality and compliance by the submissive, a few normal punishments, kinks, etc, but nothing any way wayward. The relationship is consensual and the male has agreed to let the female allow ‘occasional ruthlessness’ as a form of play.

The discretion to implement is entirely hers.

Imagine a typical couple where the female dominant is cooking dinner and things are calm. The male is normally compliant and punishments are fairly moderate. Things are placid and the male makes a joke about the food she is preparing.

Having discussed the issue of ‘occasional ruthlessness’ a while back, the female dominant decides the quip against her is a perfect opportunity to implement the play.

Grabbing the male’s ear she twists it reasonably hard and says “you think you’re f*****g funny, is my cooking not good enough for you”. she then takes a bowl out lowers it to the floor, and tips the food into the bowl.

She drags the man’s head to the bowl, forcing his head to the food. “F*****g eat it” she says. “Now I want you to say ‘thank you mistress’ after every swallow’. The male then proceeds to eat his meal from a bowl reciting the needed words.

When he finishes the female dominant says “Right, never EVER, make those sorts of references again”


That’s the sort of thing I am trying to explain. A brief exorcise of power where there is a large power jump between the dominant and the submissive, but it’s not a common occurrence to be considered regular play.

In those moments the male can feel totally owned.

Is Occasional Ruthlessness A Requirement For An FLR

No, not at all.

I daresay most probably aren’t adopting this type of play so no one should include it if they don’t want to.

The power disparity in a female led relationship is a wide spectrum by its nature, shifting from normal compliance to punishments for infractions, so there are different strength levels of power inherent in most relationships anyway.

Usually, the play will involve moving into deeply humiliating play or embarrassing play, and the dominant female directing the ‘scene’ with the mentality of enjoying the behavior. In a sense, play where the message ‘needs’ to be installed in the submissive.

How To Instigate Occasional Ruthlessness As A Mistress

After thinking that sounds like a good idea, a good question might be that it somehow needs a reason. After all, it would be somewhat fake to do it randomly.

A quick list might be;

  • Selfishness
  • Punishment
  • Wanton pleasure
  • A reminder is needed as to who is in charge
  • Immediate corrective behavior
  • Making the submissive realize the importance of something

Any one of the above a female dominant could use to instigate a brief burst of ruthless power or an event based demonstration of the power dynamic.

Some Thoughts On What Might Work

If having mutually discussed the use of brief interludes of excess within the power dynamic then it seems right to think about how to bring them about, to incorporate them into play in a realistic manner.

If both parties enjoy the behavior then eventually it will be taken for what it is, but initially, you might have to work through the initial stages until it seems expected and acceptable.

So firstly I would say that both parties should agree this is a ‘power’ the dominant can exercise at her discretion.

Here are a few thoughts to consider:

Spontaneous – It should be better not to place requirements on when, where, and how often on the play.

Let the female dominant incorporate into play at her discretion and allow her the freedom to explore this side of her. Forcing interaction by use of quotas on time or roleplay introduces an element that can make it feel more awkward.

Allow her the spontaneity and freedom to explore the play, maybe gradually using it to see how it develops both in terms of frequency and severity.

Not out of anger – Unless you are more experienced then it’s probably not best to incorporate play from genuine anger. It sort of takes on a different dimension at that point.

Limit pushing – Often submissives have shades of what they expect when talking about limits. If something is uncomfortable then they veto the behavior for fear of the play being more commonplace.

With ‘occasional ruthlessness’ it can often be used to push limits, often a little more than might be generally acceptable.

The reason? The short duration of the play.

The submissive has the safety of knowing ‘it will be over soon’ and isn’t common so the play becomes intense and allows for the comfortable pushing of limits.

Wildly out of the ordinary – Because these events are meant to be both fleeting and a more extreme display of the power dynamic, this affords an opportunity to play wildly out of the ordinary. The female dominant can reserve certain acts for this type of play.

Fast and humiliating punishments can lead the female dominant to try and experiment with ‘less than usual’ punishments.

Calm and ruthless mistress – The female dominant can experiment with different personas and styles as the activity is brief. She can find a style that’s right for her and works for the submissive.

Punishment for something – Much like a child needing immediate admonishment for corrective behavior, the female can use this type of play for a similar thing. Some submissives need a strong reminder, something that’s remembered well after the event.

Harsh language – It’s an opportunity for harsh language and simple derogatory communication that often works when used in brief moments.

A kind of “You don’t get a say here, I don’t hear the safeword, so you’re going to do what the f**k you’re told”

A mistress can be very expressive, sound very authoritative, and get her needs met.

Lust – During moments of lust, it’s an excellent opportunity to practice some occasional ruthlessness. It speaks of ‘my pleasures are more important’ which is taken by the male as being deeply submissive as it’s very raw emotionally and thus, psychologically.

The female dominant can command, force and enjoy her pleasures relegating the male to a mere tool.

The message being, you WILL provide me with pleasure. Very submissive.

Choice threats – This is the idea that the female dominant can threaten serious consequences for not doing something pretty simple. The future danger prompts the submissive to realize that it’s worth doing the simple thing, just in case.

Some Creative Ideas On Ruthless Female Dominance

OK, so this is the part of the article where, by way of example, try to demonstrate what type of play we are talking about.

For full effect try to imagine the following scenarios in a fairly mild female-dominated relationship where nothing extreme happens by consent. This makes the contrast all the more powerful for those brief moments.

Feminized nature walk with spanking – One creative idea for asserting female authority in a FLR is to take the submissive on a nature walk while making him wear feminine clothing. This could be a fun and playful way to reinforce the power dynamic and push the boundaries. The submissive may feel vulnerable and exposed, heightening the feeling of submission to the dominant female.

Embarrasing behavior with threats for noncompliance – Another creative idea for occasional ruthlessness in a female-led relationship is to demand an embarrassing behavior from the submissive with a reward and punishment system in place.

For example, the Mistress could require the submissive to perform a particular task while dressed in a degrading manner, such as wearing a diaper or a humiliating outfit. If the task is completed to her satisfaction, the submissive is rewarded with a pleasurable experience.

However, failure to complete the task or execute it properly may result in punishment. This type of behavior can reinforce the submissive’s sense of servitude and the Mistress’s authority.

a man with a doll

Blow up doll sex – One creative idea in a female led relationship is for the dominant female to have a blow up doll and require the submissive to engage in sexual activity with it.

This can serve as a way for the female to assert her dominance and control over the submissive’s sexuality, while also providing a unique and potentially arousing experience for both parties involved.

Create blackmail photos – It may seem counterintuitive, but consensual blackmail can actually increase the power dynamic in a female led relationship. By creating and holding onto embarrassing or compromising photos or information, the submissive is forced to submit to the female’s authority out of fear of the consequences.

However, it’s important to note that this must be a consensual arrangement with full understanding and agreement from both parties.

In fact, the irony is that the submissive’s trust in the female is what allows this dynamic to work, as they know that the photos or information will only be used as agreed upon and will not be used to harm them outside of the agreed upon arrangement

a mistress holds a cane

Feminized behavior – The female dominant can use occasional ruthlessness to feminize the male and make him appreciate the female nature. This can be done through various methods such as making him wear feminine clothing or using makeup to enhance his features.

The act of feminizing the male can be empowering for both the dominant and submissive, as it reinforces the idea of female authority and can bring a sense of eroticism to the relationship.

Lustful pegging – I will use the example of lustful pegging but the principle can be taken in any sexual encounter. The idea is for the female dominant to get lost in her own pleasure, and act with wanton abandon to the point of obviously only focusing on her own desires.

A submissive male on the receiving end will often ‘feel like just a toy; which increases the submissive nature of his position. With this dominating behavior, the submissive is reflexively told to ‘do as he’s told’ as anything else is interrupting the flow for his mistress.

So the mistress can hold the male in position if he tries to move, or tell him to “shut the hell up” if he tries to speak etc, emphasizing the need for the male to do exactly whats being directed of him.

a mistress stands by a naked submissive


An occasional foray into this type of play can be quite exhilarating,

I’m not a psychologist but I think this type of play works really well because it’s a moment when there is a display of the raw power dynamic.

It’s not subtle.

The male gets an intense burst of being submissive, and the female dominant gets the exact opposite, an intense burst of absolute power.

While it’s unsustainable over long periods, in a short dose it can be more than satisfactory to both participants in the relationship.

It’s not for everyone, but by consensual agreement, a couple can incorporate it into their play, ideally by discussing what are acceptable things to do on occasion rather than a regular basis.

You might be surprised by what the male submissive will put up with if it’s agreed it isn’t a common occurrence.

  1. Jake Nicholson

    One of the best FLR and female domination blogs out there!

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