The Power of Selfish Sex: Why Female Dominance Can Be Empowering for Both Partners

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A female-led relationship is a relationship where the woman takes charge in every aspect, and that can include sex.

Yep, that means she’s the one who decides what happens in the bedroom.

Now, that might sound a bit daunting or strange, but it can actually be really empowering and satisfying for both partners.

One key aspect of this dynamic is “selfish sex,” where the woman’s pleasure is the focus. In this article, we’re going to dive into why female dominance in the bedroom can be so powerful for women, and so enjoyable for their submissive partners.

a female dominant rides her submissive

We’ll also give you some tips and advice if you’re interested in exploring this type of relationship further.

So, if you’re curious about the power dynamics of female-led relationships and how they can enhance your sex life, keep reading!

What Is Selfish Sex in an FLR

Selfish sex is a major component of many female-led relationships, and it’s all about the woman taking complete control of the sexual dynamic between her and her submissive partner.

Here are some examples of what that might look like:

  • Instigating sex: In a female-led relationship, the woman is the one who decides when sex happens. So, if she’s feeling in the mood, she can go ahead and make the first move without waiting for her partner to initiate things. It’s all about taking charge and setting the tone.
  • Chastity: This is another element of selfish sex that can be really exciting for both partners. Essentially, the male partner is only allowed sexual release if the woman explicitly grants him permission. This can create a really intense dynamic where the woman has complete control over her partner’s sexuality and desires, and the anticipation can be incredibly arousing.
  • Demanding pleasure: In a female-led relationship, the woman is free to focus entirely on her own pleasure without worrying about her partner’s needs. This means she can ask for exactly what she wants, when she wants it, and not feel any pressure to reciprocate. For some women, this kind of empowerment can be incredibly liberating and lead to some amazing sexual experiences.
a female dominant receives oral on the couch

Overall, the point of selfish sex is for the woman to be completely in control of the sexual dynamic. It’s about exploring her own desires and needs without worrying about her partner’s and finding pleasure in that control.

The level of passion and aggression the female dominant uses within her role is always a good conversation to have with her submissive.

Why Men Can Love the ‘Selfish Sex’ Attitude

There are several reasons why men might find the “selfish sex” attitude of a female-led relationship appealing. Here are a few:

a female dominant receives oral on a desk
  • Thrilling to see a sexually aggressive woman: For some men, it can be incredibly exciting to see a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. In a female-led relationship, the woman is in control of the sexual dynamic, which can be a huge turn-on for the man.
  • Compersion as a real couple: When both partners are fully committed to a female-led relationship, it can create a strong sense of connection and intimacy. The man is willingly submitting to his partner’s desires and needs, which can lead to a feeling of compersion – the joy of seeing one’s partner happy and fulfilled.
  • Chance to be told how to please her: In a female-led relationship, the woman is in charge of initiating sex and directing the action. For some men, this can be a huge relief – they don’t have to worry about guessing what their partner wants or whether they’re doing things right. Instead, they can focus on following their partner’s lead and giving her the pleasure she desires.
  • Very submissive for the male: Being submissive can be a turn-on for some men, particularly in the context of a female-led relationship. It can be freeing to let go of control and allow their partner to take the lead, trusting her to know what’s best for both of them.
  • Releases pressure and/or expectation: Traditional gender roles often put a lot of pressure on men to take charge in the bedroom. In a female-led relationship, that pressure is lifted, allowing both partners to explore their desires and needs without feeling like they have to fit into a particular mold.
  • Attractive being sexually submissive: Finally, for some men, there’s just something inherently attractive about being sexually submissive to a woman. It can be a huge turn-on to feel like they’re at their partner’s mercy, knowing that their pleasure is completely in her hands.
a female dominant receives oral pleasure

In short, there are many reasons why men might enjoy the “selfish sex” attitude of a female-led relationship.

From the thrill of a sexually aggressive partner to the freedom of being submissive, this dynamic can be incredibly fulfilling for both partners.

Why Selfish Sex Can Be Good for Your Relationship

Having a selfish sex attitude in a female-led relationship can actually be quite beneficial for the relationship as a whole.

It can help both partners better understand each other’s sexual needs and desires, and establish clear boundaries and expectations that prioritize each partner’s pleasure.

But the benefits of selfish sex in a female-led relationship go beyond just sexual satisfaction.

It can create a greater sense of intimacy and connection between partners as well. By taking charge of the sexual dynamic, the dominant partner can explore new forms of sexual expression and build trust with their submissive partner.

a female dominant sits on the bed

The submissive partner can fully embrace their role and find fulfillment in pleasing their partner.

Another advantage of a selfish sex attitude is that it can help to challenge traditional gender roles and expectations in the bedroom. Empowering women to take charge of their own sexual pleasure, can break down stereotypes around female sexuality and create a more equal partnership.

Overall, the benefits of selfish sex in a female-led relationship are numerous.

By prioritizing your own pleasure and exploring new forms of sexual expression with your partner, you can create a deeper level of intimacy and trust that can benefit your relationship in many ways.

Creative Ideas for Selfish Sex

If you’re a woman in a female-led relationship and looking to spice things up with some “selfish sex”, there are plenty of ways to satisfy your needs while still enjoying a loving and respectful partnership. Here are some creative ideas to consider:

a female dominant collars her submissive

Keep your partner in chastity: One way to assert your control and keep the focus on your pleasure is to keep your partner in a chastity device. It can be thrilling for both partners to be reminded of who’s in charge and to have the anticipation build up over time.

Forbid your partner from initiating sex: As the dominant partner, it’s up to you to initiate sex. Establishing clear boundaries around who initiates sex can help reinforce the dynamic of your relationship, and make it clear that you’re in charge.

Have spontaneous sex centered around your pleasure: Don’t be afraid to indulge in some spontaneous sex that’s all about your pleasure. Tell your partner what you want and take the lead in exploring different positions and techniques that bring you the most pleasure.

Place a collar on your partner and make him perform oral: For those seeking more intense forms of submission, consider placing a collar on your partner and having him perform oral sex on you. This can be a powerful way to assert your control and remind him of his place in the relationship.

Demand a specified amount of foreplay: Many women require a significant amount of foreplay in order to fully enjoy sex. Make sure your partner knows exactly how much foreplay you need and make it clear that you won’t be satisfied until you’re fully aroused.

Set the tone with specific instructions: If you’re looking to set the mood for a steamy night of sex, consider giving your partner specific instructions before he enters the bedroom. Tell him how to prepare himself physically and emotionally, and what you expect of him when you arrive.

a female dominant collars her submissive

Instruct your partner on how to please you better: Give your partner clear instructions on what you like and don’t like when it comes to sex. This can be a powerful way to assert your dominance while also improving your sexual satisfaction.

Make him a tool for your pleasure: The female can instruct the male to wait for her on the bed face up, leave him waiting, and when she’s ready, restrain him to the bed, use him as a tool to receive an orgasm, before releasing him and going about her day, no reciprocity.

By incorporating these creative ideas into your female-led relationship, you can explore new levels of intimacy and pleasure while still respecting your partner’s needs and desires.

a female dominant stands above her submissive

Another important point about selfish sex that’s worth remembering is that language used by the mistress can often strongly reenforce play.

Every mistress has her own way of doing things, but the effect of speech can be profound.

Consider the following sentences:-

  • You will stay down there till I orgasm, do you understand?
  • I’m going to make you so good at this, so you can serve me better
  • Go upstairs and prepare yourself for me, I will be up shortly
  • Ssssshhh, focus on what you’re doing
  • Go fetch your cage, put it on so you can focus on me
  • Don’t you dare stop until you have finished
  • I think with a bit more training and practice you will be much better

It’s easy to see why some language strongly enhances the effect of being selfish.

There’s no need for a mistress to keep mentioning her pleasure is more important, there’s a much deeper psychological effect to be made by using language that just assumes that default to be true.

a female dominant receives oral on the bed


To sum it up, a selfish sex approach in a female-led relationship can be a powerful way for women to embrace their sexual needs and desires while maintaining a strong and loving connection with their partner.

With some of the creative ideas we’ve discussed, such as forbidding your partner from initiating sex or heavily instructing him on how to please you, you can explore new levels of pleasure and satisfaction.

However, it’s important to remember that communication and mutual consent are essential in any relationship, and it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations with your partner.

With the right balance of assertiveness and respect, you can create a dynamic that benefits both you and your partner in a female-led relationship.

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