Punishment 101 For New Mistresses To Gentle Femdom

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Men, as a rule will perhaps be the most goal orientated of the genders, and as such many men open their own businesses and work hard on their career.

From a societal point of view this can place a great deal of pressure on men, who desire a personal life more free from authority and responsibility. 

It might not be surprising to find that many men actually desire a gentle femdom relationship, a partnership where the female is the more authoritative figure.

While the female led relationship can benefit many women, in terms of empowerment and a more intimate and less argumentative relationship, it might be fair to assume that men are the instigators of the idea of the female being the more dominant partner.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee

Even within many couples, the female is probably more dominant around the household, quite naturally. If you examine your own relationships, how many times does the woman get more of a say on the goings on within the household.

This happens quite naturally in relationships with the woman more confident about household decisions, and this is all done without any specific reference to femdom.

So, many women take to an authoritative role with ease where they feel comfortable. The essence of the female led relationship is about comfort and trust.

Punishment Fantasies Are Perfectly Normal In Gentle Femdom

So women who find themselves being asked to ‘take a little bit more of a dominant role’ start to think about what that means.

The reality is it doesn’t have to ‘mean’ anything specific, but choices made by you should reflect the natural comfort levels of both partners.

A male who wants a more dominant female around the house though does not just want to be tasked with chores, he will probably want a more fluid and spontaneous partnership without the responsibility.

a mistress spanking a submissive strapped down

He will want you to act a little more selfishly, and put your own thoughts above his, he will want his woman to be more firm, and take responsibility for him.

Not that he doesn’t recognize there will be disagreements, he will just want a more authoritative figure telling him no.

He will want his female partner standing up to him.

That’s where the potential for punishment comes in. He knows he will test you, and he will expect lines that have been crossed to be enforced, rather like a relationship rule of law.

For many women, that can be an exciting step into the unknown.

Setting the Tone So As To Avoid Punishments

This is an important factor.

The nature of the dominant female should be to come across as a figure that makes requests that are expecting to be obeyed, thus making punishments unnecessary.

a mistress spanking a submissive with flogger

It’s the bedrock of punishment management for a mistress.

So hopefully the new domme will be on board with giving this a go in the first step.

The art of making authority felt isn’t about excessive tones or having the look of a professional Dominatrix.

There is a balance, but a request from the mistress needs to come across as a little more than a polite ask. The natural thoughts to question a request need to be present so there isn’t open defiance in the first place, thus escalating to punishments.

The submissive should not be openly flaunting the wishes of his mistress, especially in the hope of getting punished.

Some men enjoy pushing boundaries, it seems to be nature’s way of finding a pecking order. So he will probably test a limit at some point.

a mistress spanking a submissive with belt

So from the beginning it’s important to note that a limit will probably be crossed which the mistress will have to enforce. The secret here is that the male will actually want you to enforce it.

Despite what he says, what he argues, and the guilt trips about it being an accident he will actually want a mistress to enforce a rule he has broken.

Despite this there should be an air of expectant submission with a request from a mistress. The sort of atmosphere that makes compliance with the request compulsory.

This is often a step where women new to femdom will feel a little uneasy. While it is possible to administer punishments passively, there is often a reluctance to punish a partner, both because it will not be in a woman’s nature and feels like you are deliberately hurting him.

What is often not apparent to new domme’s is that he will willingly accept your authority in general, especially at the beginning of the journey, and you will gradually grow more accustomed about dishing out the orders as you witness compliance.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee

Often, it’s just about taking that first step.

Again, he will have the expectation of being punished if he transgresses a line that you might deem serious.

While initially he might deliberately forget the milk to test you, his pushing the limits will escalate until he becomes comfortable with the fact that you are in fact in control.

There are many punishments that are available to a mistress that can be dished out that are not intrusive, require little in the way of input yet will fulfill his submissive needs without troubling the mistress much at all.

Not all punishments are physical, nor do they require the presence of the mistress.

A new mistress in a female led relationship that feels uneasy, might want to concentrate on these styles of punishments first.

They still reinforce the authority of the mistress and will definitely be felt.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee with paddle

As an example of what I mean, consider a punishment of writing lines. It’s generally considered passive but speaks of being taken back to childhood, and that of being treated as a child.

A mistress could quite easily have a schoolboy uniform to emphasize the punishment and order the submissive to write ‘The authority of my mistress shall NOT be questioned’.

Requesting very neat handwriting, all matching in size and needing hundreds of lines can take a lot of time, and requires concerted effort.

The point to punishments like this, despite the fact that they can seem rather ‘tame’ when compared to other more well known methods is that they are minimally intrusive to the mistress.

A mistress can order the punishment and go about her evening. The punishment may take hours to accomplish correctly but the mistress isn’t involved.

The mistress shouldn’t tolerate sloppy adherence to the punishment either. Badly written English that isn’t easily read should be torn up and the submissive made to do it again.

a mistress walking into living room with submissive

When a mistress takes the position of enforcing a punishment seriously, so will the submissive.

There should be acceptable standards to not only his behaviour but his attitude with punishments.

Writing lines isn’t the only punishment that is low impact for the mistress. There are a plethora of options that are very easy to dish out yet surprisingly difficult to accomplish.

Evening just standing in a corner like a naughty schoolboy for a serious length of time can become tiresome quickly.

On the other side of the spectrum there are punishments that are much more like corporal punishment. Spanking by hand or with a paddle or crop would fit this definition.

It should be mentioned here, men normally have no issue with a mistress having corporal punishment as a tool for use at the disposal of his mistress.

While spanking can also be used in play, ot can also be used as a stinging rebuke to behaviour. It’s a method used to enforce the rules that are corrective to his behaviour.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee

When spanking is used for this purpose it needs to be done in a much more formal environment. Men can take pride in their duration to adversity, so the object would be to take him to that edge.

It’s a fine art but shouldn’t take a mistress too long to work out.

A submissive male consent to the authority of his mistress will need to feel that you are capable of standing up to his unwarranted behaviour. Have clearly defined lines that are not to be crossed and then punish, harshly if necessary for the lack of respect to the mistress.

The punishment should be clearly defined.

The submissive should know why he is being punished. It should not be from anger but the punishment should be clearly defined with a purpose.

Women who are new to the idea of a female led relationship can sometimes be a little unsure as to why a submissive male will need this kind of corrective discipline. It’s deliberately painful, so why would you want that.

That’s looking at it purely from the physical point of view.

a mistress spanking a submissive on the couch

A man will endure the physical pain in order to more firmly believe that the mistress is in control, and will actually crave that level of control over his boundaries.

Punishment will be seen through the perspective of the mistress enforcing the boundaries placed upon him.

It’s the enforcement of the female controlling the male. It’s deeply submissive and ultimately satisfying despite the apparent pain involved.

Choosing A Punishment

There’s a list of options available to any mistress wanting to take the submissive down the punishment path.

Whatever the mistress chooses, actually making it a punishment is the key.

Some submissive males are masochistic in nature, or enjoy being feminized.

a mistress spanking a submissive with hairbrush

So spanking him thoroughly while in a maid uniform is not a punishment.

A punishment has to be a deterrrant and a way of correcting behaviour.

When a punishment concludes it’s advisable for a mistress to state again the reason for the punishment and refrain that she doesn’t expect to have to do that again. 

Making the submissive recite his ‘crime’ and the punishment as well as the lesson he has learned emphasizes the authority of the mistress. He is acknowledging the duty of his mistress.

Ending the punishment with a warning that the mistress wont hesitate to do that again, if further transgressions are made makes the punishment a little bit more effective.

With practice a submissive will crave the firm hand of authority and be dutifully obedient to your request lest you unleash a punishment upon him.

Use them sparingly, not as a first option.

a mistress spanking a submissive on the couch with a paddle

Authoritative Punishments In A Female Led Relationship

As previously mentioned there is literally a vast array of tasks at your disposal, probably only limited by imagination.

Most will work, but they need to be tailored to the submissive, and not chosen because the submissive prefers that style of punishment.

They should be used for corrective purposes.

The mistress decides the punishment, not the submissive.

Many mistresses might advocate making a punishment fit the crime. This eludes not only to the selection of the punishment but the severity as well.

Not remembering the wine on the way home might earn the submissive a walk to the shops and standing in the corner when he returns.

Outright disobedience might be a serious grounding, removal of a much loved privilege, or indeed, some form of corporal punishment.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee

Many a submissive has annoyed their female by acting childishly and been sent to bed early.

Laziness can be combated with a bit of forced exercise. Making the submissive walk to a location a mile or so away, send their location, and walk back can often be seen as a punishment for lethargic behaviour.

Corporal punishment should be used for only a few circumstances, most notably when the submissive actively disrespects the position of the mistress, otherwise contradicts, or the ultimate of disobedience.

I would be willing to bet that most men will expect corporal punishment for these sorts of transgressions. Again, it’s about testing the firmness of your application to rule breaking.

A very firm and authoritative spanking that is temporarily painful is a useful tool for correcting behaviour.

It must be painful for it to work effectively. A corporal punishment that isn’t painful isn’t a deterrant and can be counter productive.

It reinforces errant behaviour.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee

So, not every punishment involves whips and boots while dressed in lingerie, as that rather panders to male stereotypes, so what follows is a list of things that can be admisinsted how the mistress sees fit.

Alter them accordingly to fit any needs or requirements you may have.

Grounding

This is a punishment straight out of childhood for many. While it used to be an effective tool, today many children have small entertainment systems in their rooms.

So perhaps a grounding with the added no use of electronic equipment without permission can be more effective.

Grounding has a time frame, so for small infractions the mistress might forbid the submissive going out of an evening, or the weekend.

For more serious acts it can be longer, maybe into several weeks.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee on couch

The grounding for the submissive would include an immediate return home following the work day, and the requisite that he must not go out the house without permission.

It’s an effective tool, and yet can also be used as a deterrent.

A submissive acting unbecomingly to the mistress can be swiftly corrected with the threat of being grounded at the weekend if his behaviour doesn’t alter sharply.

Denial Of Privileges

Nearly all submissives will have items that are a part of modern day to day living. 

Amongst other things the submissive might have regular weekend’s out for sports or seeing friends.

A mistress can deny for a specific length of time the access to these privileges..

Remember, the mistress allows the submissive his pleasures, and can take them away.

So a mistress might deny the submissive access to a playstation, Xbox, or TV for a few days, or anything that is routinely liked by the submissive.

a mistress spanking a submissive on bed with a spoon

Excessive Chores

Doing housework isn’t the most exciting thing on the planet.

As a good submissive he should be doing his bit to keep mistress happy.

A mistress can either add more chores, or require a much higher standard to existing ones as a punishment.

Cleaning the bathroom for 3 hours every day, or piling them on top of each other will swiftly have a submissive yearning to be back in the good books of the mistress again.

Writing Lines

This has been around for ages and has many nuances to it.

What to write, accuracy of prose, exactness of the prose, as well as the number of lines to finish.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee

It’d probably be best to make the line he is writing reflective of the crime. That of the ‘i must not disobey my mistress’ or ‘I will not interrupt my mistress continually when she is speaking’ style.

Make the submissive have to think carefully about getting it right. So don’t accept a scribbled mess, but rather properly readable language with perfect execution.

If he does it dressed as a schoolboy then extra points.

You can inspect and then add more lines for each inaccuracy in the prose you find until he has accomplished his task.

The Pointless And Thankless Task

Most chores or tasks have an end goal or accomplishment.

Cleaning the bathroom will result in a clean bathroom. Vacuuming the house will clean the house, and such.

a mistress spanking a submissive with a ruler

The point of a pointless task is that the submissive inherently knows that the result is pointless. It’s an obedience to authority test.

I’m sure you can think of many, but a few might be

  • Counting coffee granules
  • Counting rice grains in a cup
  • How many words are in a specific book chapter
  • Measuring and calculating the area of a qwerty keyboard

As there is no use for the information that will be supplied it emphasizes the authority of the mistress a little more than others maybe.

Book Copying

If the mistress has ever wanted a handwritten copy of her favorite book, this punishment is a godsend.

The mistress will pick a favorite book, and get the submissive to hand write out a page.

a mistress spanking a submissive over the knee

With enough infringements she should have her own personal handwritten copy.

Just by brandishing the book, or mentioning the name of it, after a while will prompt the corrective behavioural attitude change.

Apology Essay

Nothing too complicated about this one. The mistress describes the infringement by the submissive that has made the punishment necessary.

Give the submissive an appropriate word count to get to and let him get along with making the most of his apology.

Get him to explain what he has done, why it was bad, what he has learned, and whether he feels he will be doing something similar in the future.

Early Bedtime

Going to bed early is a time honored way to punish someone you have authority over. It doesn’t tend to be used for adults for obvious reasons.

a mistress holding a haitbrush

Time to bring that back though.

As soon as the submissive has finished dinner he can be told to get ready for bed. 

No tablets, books, TV’s or other interactive escapes. Just bedtime and lights out. A quick check every now and again to see if he is complying correctly.

Stand In The Corner

Another punishment from the youth days.

This time perhaps more applicable at school.

Essentially this puts the submissive in the position of being treated like a child. Finding an uninteresting corner of a quiet room and making them stand there, for an elongated period of time.

You can enhance the experience by making the submissive do it naked or dressed inappropriately.

a mistress holding a haitbrush

Corner time for a submissive is a very quick punishment that requires little thought. If the submissive is being minorly annoying they can be sent there for 30 minutes.

It’s quite a quick response to a mistress constantly being interrupted. The submissive can be sent to the corner for 20 minutes, and then brought back again to continue the conversation. He might be then more amiable to letting you speak.

Speech Denial

Speech denial is a very sharp punishment as well. 

Sometimes a mistress requires solitude or quiet time. Noise disrupts the atmosphere, like when watching a film.

Speech denial places a burden on the submissive and is ever so slightly humiliating.

a mistress holding a haitbrush

It can be made more effective as well, as he has to ask for permission to speak, like saying putting up his hand in class.

The mistress can then decide whether to acquiesce to the request.

Baby Food Treatment

When a submissive is thought to be acting immaturely and very childlike, there are a range of little punishments that help fit the crime.

The mistress can make the submissive sit in a chair and feed him baby food for dinner. Especially effective with a bib.

Baby Pacifier

Another baby play and this one can keep him quiet.

Popping a baby pacifier into the mouth along with a small rattle can have the humiliating effect that a mistress may desire.

a mistress with a cane

Diaper Wearing

Diaper wearing also harks of being a baby, and being treated like one. It can be more than humiliating to do a chore while in a diaper.

You can additionally keep them on him until he wants to visit the toilet. Ask for toilet permission with these things on.

When he does, a mistress can make him use words like ‘I wanna go a poo poo’ or ‘I wanna go a wee wee’.

Panty Wearing

You have to be careful with this fetish, especially as many submissive males can see feminization as a bit of a fetish.

For those not into it though it can be humiliating and is definitely a punishment to wear female panties.

You can make him do chores in them, go to work, or many other tasks.

a mistress smiles at sub cooking only in an apron

A mistress could also add the requisite stockings and garter belt if necessary.

Sex Grounding

So this one will make him notice the punishment. Men are very sexual creatures.

A grounding from sex would have the mistress give a ‘time out’ from sex for the submissive.

A reasonable period of time can be a good threat as well. A mistress threatening a sex withdrawl can make the submissive become quite compliant.

a mistress stands over her sub

A sex grounding for the submissive doesn’t mean a sex drought for the mistress. In fact, to specifically rub it in she can engage in more sexual activity.

That is to say, her submissive now has the tasks of pleasuring her without any reciprocation. From oral session to massages and foreplay, it would only be in one direction.

The male submissive can even be placed in a penis cage for the duration of the grounding.

Palm Swat

A palm swat is a quick rap across the palm or knuckles with an implement designed to give quick and effective pain.

Items like a hairbrush, ruler, spatulas, or a wooden spoon can give a quick rebuke if the mistress is being disrespected.

A mistress can carry an implement around with her so that a ‘quick sharp shock’ punishment can be administered if necessary.

Spanking Is Where A Mistress Needs To Be

Punishments at the disposal of a mistress encompass a wide range and variety of techniques. 

a mistress shackles a slave for a spanking

Each mistress will have to find the techniques that work for her. Both in terms of the level of comfort for the mistress and the effectiveness on the male.

Most women who enter into a female led relationship might confirm though, that of all the punishments they dish out, the most effective is corporal punishment.

In other words, spanking.

Spanking performs several functions, some physical, and some psychological in nature.

From the submissive point of view he knows that the mistress can at any time of her choosing administer this punishment makes an effective deterrent to errant behaviour. It’s a natural break on how he might perceive his actions and places natural limits.

a mistress paddles a sub over the couch

The very effect of authority.

Spanking is a transformative punishment in that it can be used for corrective behaviour. Administered correctly the submissive will physically feel the force of the opinion of the mistress and a good spanking satisfies his deep psychological need for correction.

Spanking, most experienced women might agree here, is the ultimate punishment. Practicing this art, even if you want to use it very sparingly, is good thing to do. It has a natural deterrent effect.

Many women have a natural hesitancy to dishing out a good spanking. Most may even find it a little intimidating.

There’s no doubt spanking is a ‘mental leap’ for many women.

a mistress taking off her jacket to deliver a spanking

Learning the psychology of why a man who relishes the submission might want a mistress to have the free decision to administer a spanking is important.

A submissive male might want your authority in this area.

Nobody should force a woman to work towards something they don’t wish to do as they feel uncomfortable, and as such many female led relationships exist without corporal punishment.

A woman still deciding, or being unsure about it, wouldn’t be alone with these thoughts.

A mistress who tries spanking should feel confident that they are comfortable with it first. A male who gives a mistress authority to administer corporal punishment will expect a sincere attempt.

Half heartedly going into spanking can be ineffective. The blows are not ‘true blows’ and the lack of enthusiasm can be detrimental to the experience.

a mistress in the middle of a spanking with a paddle

Myths about spanking are plentiful, so they need to be addressed.

The mentality of spanking is perhaps where we should start. There are mental reasons for both the mistress and the submissive.

The confidence to punish a submissive with a good spanking or inflicting pain for a short time, and understanding why it’s being done is essential for a mistress.

It’s not about the enjoyment of spanking.

A mistress will need to reflect upon the idea that her submissive has a need to be punished in relation to his behaviour.

If a mistress has never performed this kind of punishment before the hesitancy is understandable. It’s very normal.

The fact that the mistress will give spanking a go will raise the respect for the mistress in the eyes of the submissive. It can be thrill and daunting at the same time for both partners.

Caution and trepidation are natural bedfellows with the first steps into punishment spankings.

In fact, it wouldn’t be uncommon for a mistress to let the corporal punishment side out to a professional domme when she feels it necessary.

a mistress with feminized cleaning

So there are options.

The vast majority of women will start there journey into a corporal punishment spanking though with some caution. That’s perfectly normal.

What anyone might expect to happen is that as the mistress sees the submissive males compliance to the spanking and ‘feels the desired effect both confidence and authority goes up, while caution and trepidation drop.

A mistress will get more comfortable with it the more she practices it and sees the effect as positive.

The submissive’s lack of resentment to the punishment is normally a large contributing factor.

Once the initial fears drop away, and the submissive more apologizes for the mistress for having made her spank him, and sensing the lack of anger then a mistress can grow quite accustomed to the practice.

The more you do it, consensually I might add, the more comfortable a mistress becomes, even a new one.

Understanding male mindset is key, when he submits as a willing male to your authority. Part of that authority will be the enforcement of rules. Rules, that if he breaks seriously enough he will EXPECT punishment.

a mistress looking at sub bottom

It can be the way men learn.

A severe spanking will enhance his respect for the mistress as she is standing her ground and prepared to do what is necessary.

It is a very physical form of authority and satisfies the deep correctional need within the submissive.

In fact, a good spanking can actually be quite therapeutic to the partnership.

Men will run, or perform physical acts to release tension. As with any built up tension the release is needed to stop the problem deteriorating further.

Much like ‘pumping iron’ a male submissive can have the tension relieved by a spanking session.

The submissive male might be moody and disrespectful because of it. Tension is building up within him, and it is manifesting itself in lack of respect for your authority.

a sexy headmistress with cane

Spanking will help relieve this tension, and so ultimately good for the balance of power within the female led relationship and the submissive needs of the man at the same time.

As a spanking should be the infliction of pain, there will be gritted teeth, and even a genuine relief that the spanking is hurting, but deep down, the therapeutic effect is working.

The spanking helps in relieving anxiety as it has something that he ‘has endured’ and that is the precise reason he asked his partner to be more dominant in the first place.

Spanking also has the the fortunate side effect of drawing a line under issues causing contention.

If a submissive male has been pushing boundaries, and knows he has, he will keep pushing until a clear line is drawn. If the submissive pushes so far that he receives a spanking for questioning authority, then this assuages the guilt he will feel for the prior actions.

This may be the reason that many mistresses comment that a female led relationship produces a calmer and more intimate relationship as a whole.

a mistress holds a crop to subs chin

Spanking can prevent issues becoming more serious issues.

Being spanked becomes a small challenge to overcome within the female led relationship. If a submissive man feels the need for authority he may push the mistress into a spanking.

The brief pain involved is just the trial to know where the line is drawn.

Despite many women feeling a reluctance to use it, the psychological effects on the male are quite profound, and if at all possible it’s worth having as a tool in the arsenal of every mistress.

A mistress who firmly and judiciously uses the tool of corporal punishment to keep her submissive both in line, and to correct errant behaviour will be doing the relationship a favor.

Spanking Used For Corrective Discipline

Many experienced women from female led relationships will directly tell you that your male submissive will crave your discipline.

The man will expect firm lines to be upheld and expect punishment for crossing them.

a mistress pours a glass into sub mouth

The man will expect and need the firm guidance of the male backed up by physical punishments, like spanking.

He will not directly enjoy the experience, as the new mistress may not, but he will will be deeply satisfied with the enforcement of rules.

This is a crucial aspect of the discipline of the male.

The new mistress can often cover her unease by making light of the matter.

This is a mistake.

It’s much better to take a ‘you have asked for this and are making me punish you ….. Do you understand that?’ style of approach.

A mistress can even mention exactly that, that she does not wish to do it, but must to enforce her rules and correct the behaviour.

a mistress putting a ruler under a sub chin

It will need to be painful to enforce this and the male will know this.

They are not meant to be kinky, or a prelude to anything else.

The spanking punishment as a disciplinary act is an act in its own right.

Deliver each blow firmly and professionally. It helps with the atmosphere that’s needed.

It’s meant to be a punishment, pure and simple.

an ebony mistress slapping a mans face

From the point of view of the mistress, when your submissive has done something to deserve discipline, ideally he should be warned that he is approaching behaviour that will result in a spanking he won’t like.

If the behaviour continues then the spanking must be administered to stop the presumption of idle threats.

The mistress does not need to offer apologies for her decision, and I won’t apologise for keeping up with the mantra that a correct tone to spankings needs to be adhered to,

Making light of them diminishes their value.

a mistress in a blue top bending a cane with sub

Quite effective is making the submissive recite his mistake between each stroke and count the blows.

Uttering “I must not deman my mistress in public’ as the blows land helps keep the authority going.

Deep down the submissive will be delighted at your authority to keep him from straying into unbecoming behaviour.

Get A Convincing Open Letter To Send To A Prospective DominantThe easy way to get your partner to think about trying a Female Dominated Relationship

Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue. 

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