How To Punish The Right Way In A Gentle Femdom Relationship

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A new mistress within any femdom relationship can be anxious about many things.

There’s a lot to dive into, but perhaps the one that caues the most anxiousness is the art of punishment.

Sometimes it’s not the ‘what to do’ that counts – a mistress might know how to punish her submissive.

It’s the reasoning behind it.

What framework is set out for the administration of punishments. Is there one?

Well, yes there is, there is a way to think about the punishment of a submissive if you are new to the role.

a sexy mistress looking at the camera

Punishment has the same references generally no matter if it’s kink play, a scene, or whatever femdom power exchange dynamic that you are engaged in.

The Difference Between Punishment vs Discipline

It’s critical to understand what a punishment is, what discipline is, and just as importantly, what is the difference between them.

Additionally, what is the relationship to one another.

Discipline is the art of a mistress setting a boundary.

Boundaries come in many forms, whether it’s time based, quality work based, behaviour based, or reverence based.

The mistress sets a boundary so the submissive knows what will be accepted, tolerated, or allowed.

Discipline is the rule book for the submissive.

It’s the act of setting a boundary for the submissive that places obligations upon them.

a mistress disciplining her sub

Punishment is the enforcement of that boundary.

So a mistress will create a discipline that she expects the submissive to uphold.

Punishment takes place when the boundary is broken, and the discipline is not upheld.

The boundary has been violated so the submissive can reasonably be expected to receive punishment.

The First Step Establishing Punsihment Protocols

A submissive should really never be punished out of anger or a be confused as to why the punishment is being administered.

to get to a place where a mistress decides upon a punishment several steps need to have take place beforehand.

a mistress disciplining her sub

Establishing The Boundary

As alluded to above, the mistress needs to have had clear rules in place.

Correct punishment requires a proper discipline. A mistress cannot punish unless there has been a proper discipline.

Discipline and boundaries are intrinsically linked to punishment in this way.

The discipline is comminicated to the submissive and needs to be checked that they are aware of the boundaries.

A mistress cannot have secret disciplines. Otherwise the submissive would be punished for violating the discipline unknowingly.

For a mistress to properly punish a submissive has to set the boundary, and set the expectation that punishment will happen in the boundary is not respected.

This message given out from the mistress should be …. ‘this is what I require, what I expect, and what I demand….’.

a sexy mistress on the couch in rubber

It needs to clear and not ambiguous.

The message needs to be .. ‘if you cross the boundary, if you violate my demands…. then there will be punishment’.

Verify The Boundary With The Submissive

Boundaries need to very clear cut in a gentle femdom relationship.

A submissive should KNOW they are voilating the boundary as they do it. This way it becomes a conscious act.

It’s not that the boundary exists, but a mistress needs to verify the submissives understanding about what is expected from them.

When a discipline has been established by the mistress that the submissive is expected to uphold, a mistress make sure that the submissive fully knows the limitation on them.

Making sure the submissive fully comprehends the boundary and there is no ambiguity which can be done making them define their understading.

a sexy mistress in the bedroom in lingerie

The mistress can make the submissive recite his understanding of the discipline upon him.

Verbally reciting what is required and asked of them will give the submissive the full knowledge of those limits.

The submissive must have both knowledge and full understanding of the wishes of his mistress.

Reinforcing The Boundary

If a boundary has been stepped over, then the mistress needs to reinforce the boundary. In other words, punish the submissive.

Many people are new to femdom, and might even question why punishment is a necessarty part of it.

Punishment doesn’t necessarily mean physical pain, but a new mistress might be confused as to her duties in this regard.

Gentle femdom can often have a tender and sweeter side towards a dominant partner.

If a mistress has established a boundary, the submissive will have agreed to uphold the boundary.

In failing to uhold the boundary the submissive has indicated their lack of respect for the dominant mistress.

This is quite dangerous to the power exchange dynamic that exists between a mistress and her submissive.

a sexy mistress as a prison guard

Breaking rules that were agreed upon and demanded of the submissive is a power challenge, and if the submissive gets away with it, then they will do so again.

We are not talking about mistakes here. A small slip up, a small act of forgetfulness, or a mindless act.

We are talking about a conscious reasoning to challenge the dominants boundary.

Essentially a wilful act of disobedience.

In trying to determine whether a mistake has been made or a wilful act of disobedience has occured a mistress needs to consider the following.

The submissive knew what was expected from them and agreed to consent to the discipline, nd a choice was made to break the discipline.

The submissive has chosen themselves over their female dominant.

Essentially it is the submissive being selfish and showing a lack of respect.

Punishment is thereore necessary for two primary reasons

  • a suitable punishment in order to reinforce the boundary
  • the punishment secures the power dynamic

For example, a mistress might establish a small diet for their submissive. the mistress want the submissive a little healthier. After establishing and verifying that no fast foods for two weeks the submissive gets caught with a chocolate bar.

a sexy mistress on the couch

The submissive must be punished to reinforce the boudary that was broken and to secure the right of the power exchange.

Characteristics Of A Proper Punishment

There are two qualities that are needed for a proper punishment.

These are.

  • The punishment must for the crime
  • The punishment must suit the submissive

The Punishment Fitting The Crime

What this means in practice is that the mistress makes a judgement call on the infraction.

How severe was the violation? Is this the first time? Is the violation consistent? Has the violation jeapoardized mistress or her reponsibilities.

The Punishment Suiting The Submissive

Submissives have different desires, tolerances, attitudes, and fears around punishments.

If mistress has a ‘bratty’ or ‘defiant’ sub then the punishments will be different than those that are more frail.

A sub that is very nervous around a mistress and punishment might be more corrected towards obedience with a firm declaration or a small punishment.

a sexy mistress on the couch

Punishments are more thought of in the ‘corporal punishment’ variety, but this isn’t the case at all.

Punishments can happen in all kinds of creative ways, and mistress has the responsibility to administer what she thinks best.

Knowing what the submissive will respond to the most is key in a punishment.

A submissive with a liking for spanking will not consider it a punishment.

A mistress might tell a submissive might give a stern lecture and express disappointment and some subs will feel the disappointment, whereas others might not regard it as anything significant.

A different approach with more recalctrant submissives will be needed.

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