It’s a new direction for any relationship, and can be overwhelming. There’s a lot to take in in the early stages.
Quite quickly with good communication what was once thought of as problematic becomes commonplace. A new relationship dynamic takes place and all is well.
As a woman takes to the role of dominant within the relationship, taking control and making decisions for the good of both partners there can be misconceptions that make the process more rocky than it needs to be.
Here’s a list of common mistakes that woman new to the role of female dominance might make.
Feel They Have To Do Something Everyday
A new mistress often is a little unsure of herself. Some take to it easily, whilst others take a longer period.
There’s no right and wrong answer to the development, just what suits the couple.
A new mistress can overpressure herself that she needs to display her dominance every time there’s a lull.
This leads a new mistress to act unnaturally and create an unstable dynamic.
As a mistress, the female needs to display dominance only when necessary, and not over burden herself with acts of authority on a day to day basis.
The authority is pervasive, even if it isn’t immediately obvious.
So a new mistress should just act casually and normally in the early stages of a gentle femdom relationship, only making demands as the need arises.
This can take two forms.
Firstly, when an act of displeasure or disobedience has occurred a new mistress might use overly harsh punishments as a ‘dominant display’
Small infractions or areas of confusion result in punishment rather than any other means of addressing the problem.
Either way, the act of punishment is seen as the act of dominance rather than the natural authority of the mistress,
A submissive male that genuinely forgets to ‘buy some milk’ on the way home won’t feel properly submissive if he receives either a harsh capital punishment action or overly imporper use of the act of punishment, like grounding for a week.
They can often be deemed unreasonable, and are more likely to contribute to the feeling that he mistress is not confident with power. Using punishment as a substitute.
Harsh punishments should be reserved for downright disrespectful behaviour or disobedience.
If a submissive forgets to buy milk, perhaps make him apologise like schoolboy and leave it there.
Don’t over punish a submissive in order to display your dominance.
Think They Have To Demean
This can happen naturally in society, but it weakens the position of a new mistress,
For some people the act of demeaning other people is a compensation for lower self esteem themselves.
A mistress shouldn’t bow down to cheap behaviour if she wants to be respected.
A new mistress might think she has to treat her partner with contempt rather than offer any empathy or show any respect for the current partnership.
This can effectively weaken the relationship.
Gentle femdom especially is not about seeing the man as worthless, but more of a partner to whom you have a responsibility and authority.
He will most likely not be expecting you to constantly nag and belittle him in order to sure up your authority, but to consult and converse with mainly.
You should ask for his input when, and only when, you value it.
The female has the ultimate responsibility to control and dictate the running of the partnership, and that can be done without continued belittling of the male.
When you choose then he will be submissive to your choices.
Think They Have To Be Sexually Dominant
Amongst much that is written about femdom and female led relationships, the sexual partnership is often misunderstood as well.
The idea of dominance translates to being sexually rapacious femme fatale, the man a mere tool of her pleasure.
Whilst there is room within femdom to explore that idea it isn’t the only option. A new mistress might confuse dominance with dominant sex.
A mistress does not have to alter herself in any way to accommodate her submissive.
She does not have to initiate and dominate sexual activity as a rule, but can implement that rule if she so chooses.
The act of sex is normally within the purview of the mistress to both define and control.
A new mistress can use her authority to actively improve her sex life.
She can get her man to eat healthier, and become fitter and stronger for the art of love making if she so desires.
It’s entirely possible to have her submissive both read books and practice the art of oral sex in order to better pleasure her, all without the need to return the favor.
A new mistress should not fall into the trap of thinking they have to alter their sexual preferences to appease the submissives desires, no matter how much pleading he may do.
Confuse Femdom With Role Reversal
This can in fact be quite common.
A woman entertaining the diea of going into a female led relationship will confuse female dominance with role reversal.
You are not changing roles.
The husband or partner does not need to relinquish his role as protector or provider.
A new mistress needn’t think about how a man controls a relationship and seek to emulate that behaviour.
Femdom is not a replacement for how a man might control a relationship.
It’s the female centred equivalent, but the dominance is the way the female prefers it, not the male.
A new mistress should not try to emulate a male centered relationship and emulate it.
She should define how she prefers the relationship and use her authority to place her stamp on how things are done and decided.
The new mistress should explore the relationship how she sees fit, and make the man fit her plans, not try to emulate male behaviour.
Think Being A Domme Is A 100% Activity
Similarly to thinking a mistress has to be consistently thinking of how to dominante every day, is thinking you have to dominate every decision.
The art of being a gentle femdom mistress comes down to discernment.
The man does not need to be completely reliant on the female and ask permission for absolutely everything.
A certain autonomy is expected, and it’d be nearly impossible to keep this up over the long term..
It’s better to think of gentle femdom as ‘the occasional intrusion into the free will of your submissive’ than to think you have to replace his every thought with a better one.
The mistress is there to control the relationship, and ensure the smooth running of the household.
Within this she holds the ability to utilise the time and effort of the submissive male, but it doesn’t have to be micromanaged or be overly demanding.
The man becomes a tool for the mistress only when she deems it necessary.
Other than that, the submissive male can be given as much free time as she feels he might need. She ultimately has the ability to reign him in if need be.
This is perhaps one of the first things women think about when confronted with wanting to try gentle femdom.
Along with ‘will my man change’ the idea that she will have to replace herself with a false persona is perhaps paramount in the women’s concerns.
It’s probably a good reason as to why a lot of women don’t actually want to try any type of femdom. The fear that she will have to change herself is ever present.
Luckily, the exact opposite is the case.
A woman in no way has to alter her femininity to become a dominant partner in a female led relationship.
In fact, it can be utilized to complement it.
That’s rather the beauty of a female led relationship. There are no absolute rules, only those that work for both parties.
A new mistress should not abandon her femininity but use gentle femdom to exacerbate it. The submissive make can be used to help her become more feminine, rather than abandoning it.
Over Pressure Themselves
A new mistress new to gentle femdom might easily think it’s the new normal and that she needs to keep herself ‘on top of every situation’.
This isn’t particularly helpful as what it does is pressure her to make decisions.
What is much better for a new mistress is to act normally and utilize her authority in manner she feels comfortable with. She should never just make orders and commands just to show she can.
Make your submissive do his tasks for the helpful running of the household, don’t accept excuses, but don’t think because he has finished his task you need to come up with something to replace your other order.
There will be periods when life will be normal and no ‘mistressing’ as such will take place.
A mistress should enjoy the freedom without feeling the need to pressure herself into making something happen deliberately.
Pander To Submissive Needs
The art of dominance is a tricky thing to master. What it certainly isn’t is pandering to the needs of the submissive.
A male who likes a dominant female will NOT want a female he can control to be his mistress.
Put simply, a submissive male does not get to control you. He should not be allowed to turn on and turn off when you are a mistress.
It has a fancy term called ‘topping from the bottom’
This basically implies that your submissive is actually controlling you. He will disobey orders and obey only when it suits him.
More educated submissive men might even try to guilt trip the dominant in order to only comply on his terms.
A submissive that acts in this manner is not respecting the authority of the mistress, and as such, needs to be addressed quickly.
A sharp reminder that a mistress isn’t to be dictated to, nor are her wishes supplicant to her submissives. A mistress can chastise her submissive for this behaviour and punish him if he keeps reverting to this style.
Often a submissive can pander for sexual dominance and threats of being placed in a cage can quickly end this style of behaviour.
A new mistress should fall into the trap of allowing herself to be dictated to in subtle or not so subtle manners.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.