Those new to a gentle femdom relationship and the business of being a mistress within a partnership can face many challenges.
Every couple that participates in gentle femdom will have their own issues, and set of circumstances to work around and find out what works for them both.
Sometimes it’s difficult for a new mistress to break the ice so to speak, particularly if you have been partners for a long time as the femdom relationship begins.
Making a simple mundane order sometimes doesn’t convey an authority.
There is often a feeling that the new mistress has ‘to do something’ in order to display dominance. In fact, there is the exact flipside of that coin.
You can make the submissive feel more owned.
There is a simple way to get the burgeoning femdom power dynamic off on the right track. that might otherwise be difficult with familiarity.
The answer is straightforward…. make the submissive wear a collar.
Why does wearing a collar make a submissive more compliant?
The simple act of making a submissive wear a collar is a permanent talisman that provides a constant reminder of obligation and devotion.
In essence, without the mistress doing much the submissive will be reminded of his place without any femdom authority present.
A collar can really aid a submissive mindset and is a good idea for those entering a femdom style relationship when they are familiar with each other. It’s unspoken and ever present.
What Is A Collar?
Within the BDSM community the honor of being collared meets with many a different viewpoint. The submissive and mistress will have to come to an understanding on what it means for them.
There are no rules as such, and feel free to explore on your own.
The collar is normally a simple affair, a physical leash worn around the neck. Typically made of leather, it can be simple and elegant or robust and restraint orientated.
It’s psychological use is to anchor the submissive mind to the authority of the dominant female.
The commitment to wearing a collar by the submissive means that a symbol of the femdom relationship is being adhered to.
The commitment isn’t defined, and can be for bedroom play, a lifetime, a short period until the mistress is satisfied, offered as a talisman when the submissive needs reminding, or even for a femdom partner new to mistressing needing a physical representation of the new power dynamic.
It’s probably important to note that the act of having a collar provokes intense debate. There is no right and wrong answer despite the firm opinions of many.
What A Collar Does To The Submissive
While there are certainly fashion collars, like chokers, that are primarily part of giving a certain look, the fact is a collar is normally an item of apparel symbolising control, or ownership.
We put collars on pets in order to not only identify them but to make sure their wayward ways can be controlled. To stop a dog running into the road for example.
The female dominant, when placing a collar on her submissive, and in tandem, his acceptance is a token of the relationship power dynamic.
No longer can the male submissive exude natural dominance, as being collared is his reminder that he has to defer to his female authority.
The submissive, when collared will enter into a natural mindset change. With the collar present there is an all pervasive ambience of deference.
A new mistress can silently dangle the collar, gently tug at it, or even pick up a lead and ever so quietly she affirms her authority. Often without saying a word.
The symbolism in the mind of the submissive is quite powerful.
The Submissive Should Receive The Collar With Grace
A new mistress can often worry too much at the start of beginning her femdom partnership. As discussed, making her submissive wear a collar can often help anchor her authority.
There are many different ideas but she can set rules, like the submissive must wear the collar within the privacy of the home.
She rules the roost so can set the parameters.
The very first time the submissive takes the collar a new mistress can make an occasion, if not entirely ceremonious.
It’d be perfectly acceptable for the submissive to kneel before the mistress with a bare torso the first time it’s placed on. Feel free to treat it like a medal being accepted from royalty. That amount of reverence seems right.
Rules for when to take it off should be discussed, and whether permission is needed. The submissive might not want to wear it in the work environment, but a new mistress might want the submissive to wear it when in private company.
Perhaps with a different talisman for public participation.
A Collar Is A Collar Is A Collar
While it’s tempting to think of a collar in simple terms, the variety of needs from a collar may preempt the need to have a few for the differing occasions of life.
It’s perfectly acceptable to have more than one, with the mistress usually with the authority to determine which one is wrn, within acceptable guidelines, like a work environment.
Mistress has perfect authority to decide when they should normally be worn, and even allow some discretion when they shouldn’t be.
A few collars a mistress may wish to consider are;
General collar – A simple collar, both sturdy and robust for wearing when in general use. The default collar for when the submissive is in a private setting, like the home.
Secret collar – Many wish to keep their femdom lifestyle private, and as such, in both polite company and in public. Something like a small necklace, or chain can suffice. Even a beaded bracelet in a pocket might suffice. It won’t be on show but is carried as a symbol.
Play collar – Normal collars will use buckles but a small velvet velcro collar will symbolise the power dynamic without any uncomfortableness. During any foreplay mistress might want to minimize any injury that might ensue with larger more abrasive collars.
Sports collars – Should the submissive play sports, a suitable collar might need to be found so that the wearing of the collar doesn’t distract from activity. The secret collar might also suffice in this role.
Humiliation collar – This is a collar designed for the effect of humiliation. The collar might be tagged with a derogatory engraved slogan, or have a clip on it where weights can be added. Carrying weight around your neck can be useful. Alternatively if can be large, bold, ostentatious and overtly feminine.
Think brightly colored pink with fluffy linings.
Tether collar – A collar with a specific D-ring on it, so a lead or chain can be attached. The lead can be anchored with the effect of limiting the roaming space of the submissive.
Restraint collar – A collar designed for the purposes of restraint so often comes with a padlock around the buckle. The submissive cannot remove it without access to the key. A mistress can then tether the collar or attach wrist restraints through it.
More of a prisoner collar, but is useful if a point needs to be made of a grounding is warranted.
Some Thoughts On Collaring For The New Mistress
To finish off, I put forward a few ideas, not as a plan or requirement, but more of a way of expanding ideas.
The larger point of the collar is framed from within what kind of gentle femdom relationship you want.
As previously mentioned for a new or shy mistress, getting a collar for the new submissive is an excellent way to cement authority.
You can even make it fun by getting engraving tags, and coming up with things to write on them. Pet names, insults, or even funny slave memes can be considered.
A submissive wearing a collar is much more easily controllable in the early stages of a gentle femdom relationship.
Simple tugging or adjusting the collar can be met with ‘do you think someone with a collar should be asking that’ or ‘do you think a collared submissive should have that action tolerated’ rather quickly affirm the stance of the mistress, while simultaneously inviting compliance.
A basic collar with a D-ring is normally a good requirement. Something sturdy from leather that oozes quality. Good stitching will mean a lead can be applied and tethering looks more practical with it.
With that, a few chain leads, and dog leads might be advisable, if only for the humiliation aspect.
A new mistress might want the submissive to wear one style of collar at all times, until authority becomes a way of life. A male submissive as he becomes ‘mentally collared’ can be rewarded with days not wearing it may be?
The general collar should be slightly obtrusive. The point, especially in the early stages is to make the collar felt, so it acts as a permanent reminder. Tiny, thin, and easily breakable collars don’t tend to work as well.
Get something robust. It may feel a little unnatural at the start, but that’s the point.
When he can take the collar off is entirely up to mistress. She can set the rules within given parameters.
Feel free to make him ask permission to take it off.
There are no hard and fast rules, so have fun with it.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.