4 Principles To Dominate A Submissive With Words and Language

posted in: Femdom, General | 6

Words are the bedrock of communication. That isn’t some earth-shattering revelation, but it is the basis by which a female led relationship will be underpinned.

A female dominated dynamic is still a relationship, albeit the female holds more sway with an agreed consensus between the two.

So whether the female is a beginner or having trouble ‘winning confrontations’ with a reluctant sub, understanding some principles can help the female ‘outwit’ her submissive with ease.

There are several effective ways to take thorough ownership of the male submissive.

The process of owning a submissive is largely about taking control over more and more the submissives mental territory.

Even emotional territory.

a female dominant holds tie of her sub

It’s that silent headspace that keeps a submissive in their place.

Part of this headspace can be dominant females making their desires the wants of the submissive. The needs of the mistress become the tasks of the sub. Even the dominant will becomes the submissive’s wants.

All this translates to a submissive having a deep sense of attachment to their dominant, with their submissiveness nestling comfortably next to dominant power.

Thus the better a dominant becomes at inducement over their submissive, the easier that submission takes hold, and ownership naturally follows.

So what are the strategies and principles to abide by in order to make the dominant more naturally authoratative?

a female dominant looks down on her sub

Principle 1 – A Clear Intention

Often in human relationships, even upon negotiation, let alone a more commanding dynamic like an FLR it’s important to avoid ambiguity, so that comebacks, excuses, or confusion don’t cloud what the dominant is trying to accomplish.

Therefore, it’s essential, whether it’s something you want to communicate or achieve, that the submissive has a clear and precise picture of what the dominant wants.

Confusing messaging causes procrastination and invites challenges, but complete clarity, combined with brevity and confidence is a sign of power.

So before communicating a command to a submissive, have a very clear goal in mind.

So it’s worth taking a brief moment to consider what the dominant wishes to achieve with the command. When you have clarity of thinking beforehand, it then becomes easier to script what you want to say.

Statements like “would you clean the kitchen up a bit, it’s a bit messy and I don’t like it. I really prefer it tidier than this, so at some point, I need you to do that” are wishy washy and full of ambiguity.

As a mistress, you shouldn’t need to explain yourself.

A simple “I’m going out now and will be back early evening. When I return I want that kitchen to have been cleaned to my standards. It’s the first thing I will be checking so it better be spotless” is much clearer, concise with much less confusion about what is required.

a female dominant holds tie of her sub

Principle 2 – Dialogue Is Still Dominance

Despite the fact that a female led relationship is consensual the submissive is not in the army.

Dominance is not shouting and punishments for all time.

The dominant and the submissive while remaining civil can still be a conversation, but the dominant should take command of the conversation and be responsible for controlling the direction, even though the submissive should be allowed input.

Think of it like a tennis match where the dominant is always at advantage. There’s a bit of to and fro in there.

It’s not so much about a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’ as unity needs to be maintained, but people communicate while submissives in different ways.

While some are compliant, effortlessly so, some submissives enjoy bratty or obstructive behavior as a challenge issuance.

This is a form of communication and the dominant female needs to respond calmly, authoritatively, and clearly in order to ‘volley the ball back to them’. Firmly, fairly even with a hint of punishment for non-compliance.

Sometimes there might be genuine trepidation from a submissive, although other times they may enjoy the back and forth of dominant power play. Their submission needs a dominant power play.

If facing an inquiry that is designed to inject this element, then responding to them when you are good and ready, and not when they expect an answer is a useful tactic. Any attempt to hurry you up should be met with a curt ” do not presume to demand my response

A further, “do you not think I thought of that when I issued what I wanted from you”

The small humiliation of getting into women’s attire can often be slightly uncomfortable and you might be met with passive resistance.

a female dominant receives drink from her sub

It can be broken down into smaller steps to dilute the experience for the submissive if needs to be.

The order shouldn’t be “Get into those girlie clothes now” unless that’s the play that is preferred. Think of it as a dialogue to achieve the goal.

Consider the following dialogue.

Mistress: You’ve been a good boy today, I have been very pleased with you but there’s one more thing I need you to do. I want you to strip off and place ALL of your clothes on that chair.

Sub: Why mistress?

Mistress: Do I need to explain myself to you?

Sub: No mistress.

Mistress: Then there’s no need for delay with my request then is there? Pray continue….. That’s it good job. Now go over to the desk. There’s an item in that small bag. Tell what it is?

Sub: It’s a pair of women’s underwear mistress.

Mistress: It is indeed. Come over here and hold them up for me. They are frilly and feminine aren’t they. OK, put them on for me…. let me see you in them.

Sub: I don’t think they’ll suit me mistress, in fact they look a little small, I’m not sure I can get into them.

Mistress: Do you honestly think I haven’t thought of that? Do you think you can presume to make decisions like that?

Sub: No mistress.

Mistress: Then there isn’t any reason for you not to be doing what you’re told then is there? That’s it, put your right leg in. There you go, you’re getting the hang of it…..

So that’s how it can easily work. A back and forth dialogue where the mistress is very clear and authoritative. The mistress is calm yet asks loaded questions in order for the dynamic to uphold.

a female dominant receives champagne from her sub

Principle 3 – Determine What The Main Objection Is And Top It

Submissives will play up, it’s just inevitable. Deep down this is when they will want the mistress to stand up to them, so their core mentality is on the female dominant’s side.

But it has to be done right.

This is why it’s important to visualize the power dynamic between a mistress and her submissive as a dialogue, a power play that he will want to lose although that might not be evident from behaviour.

A common reluctance can come from ego.

That’s right, that little shred a self-respect that dwindles brightly in most people. It’s a funny thing and can cause outbursts of recalcitrance as the brain scrambles for dignity. It’s a natural reaction and makes many new femdoms wonder why the submissive is not more compliant.

If the ego is the reason a submissive is ‘acting up’ then you need to ‘put him in his place’ and give him an excuse to be submissive. Without the excuse it won’t happen, so acting more dominant will help.

Similar to before, imagine a small humiliation scene with feminization where the femdom determines it’s ego that drives the reluctance and hesitation rather than nervousness.

Mistress: You’ve been a good boy today, I have been very pleased with you but there’s one more thing I need you to do. I want you to strip off and place ALL of your clothes on that chair.

Sub: Why the hell should I do that?

Mistress: (pause and calmly proceed – showing you are taking insolence in your stride). Firstly, a beta male like YOU will address me as mistress when you speak to me. Secondly, this is MY territory, NOT yours. Now stay silent and don’t open your f**king mouth until I ask you a question.

I am going to keep this real simple for you. I don’t hear your safeword at all and yet here you stand, wasting my time like a little bitch.

Now get your clothes off right now and put them on that chair.

Now go over to the table, take the item out the bad and tell me what you see? That’s a question so you can open your mouth and speak now.

So if ego is the problem you are experiencing pushback, not fear or insecurity, then make your presence truly felt.

a female dominant looks down on her sub

Principle 4 – Subvert Expectations

It’s worth learning and thinking about likely expectations from the submissive about what you will do as a female dominant and altering that expectation.

Submissives are more likely to challenge if they feel comfortable and secure with knowledge. Something different can cause antipation apprehension and diminish and resistance the dominant will encounter.

Essentially as a dominant try to manufacture unease which in turn leads to a kind of submissive arousal.

So,as a dominant, change things up a little, explore, have fun with the dynamic and don’t always converse with the submissive about your intentions. They have a safeword for that.

It adds an “I am not in control element”.

a female dominant holds tie of her sub


The key to effective domination is being attentive to your sub’s needs and understanding what really makes them tick. Why do they submit? What is causing the pushback? Fear, Humiliation? Do they need a little handholding to overcome it?

So observe carefully, and take notice of patterns that your submissive displays to understand them better.

6 Responses

  1. aet

    Why is this weblog so empty of peopel
    Love your content. keep it up 🙂

    • Jinnie

      I just love reading through this blog, please write more about this topic. As a baby female domme, I am learning a lot.

      • Peter Dirk

        Hi Jinnie, Glad you like the topic. I’d love to, what sort of questions and things are you struggling with in order to put an article together? Thanks, Peter

  2. Ebianna

    I am new to the femdom community my sub wants me to take total control of him and every aspect of his life I really like him and would love to learn more

  3. Paul Zucker

    Would love to become the submissive to a dominant woman and be forced to wear sexy women’s panties.

  4. David Cook

    This is a very informative site. I am a male employee. I was wondering about how I should address my female supervisor?

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