For a male admitting to having a submissive side seems quite unnatural. From a very young age, men are taught to be stoic and unbending. To be a strong unwavering rock in the face of all adversities through life.
The truth is human psychology is very complex and everyone needs a balance in their life. It’s very difficult for the human mind to live without balance and it tends to produce unbalanced people if it’s not present.
People who are never without money seem the least to appreciate it for example.
The fact is a great many men have a submissive side to them and wish to explore it rather than running away from it. It isn’t a weakness, it’s just part of the balance in life.
For many men, the tragedy is they can’t confide in anyone and end up seeking the services of a professional dominatrix. To satisfy their submissive component to their psychology they pay for a female to dominate, abuse, and sexually ‘take’ them.
For another subset of men though, they are in relationships. Maybe they know they have a submissive side when they start, or maybe their realization comes with added work and financial pressures.
The female in their life might not know about this growing need within them.
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Many men later in life don’t grow up with a submissive side developed. If you are an employee and feel like you aren’t in control of things you like you may never develop it.
Everyone is different.
What is quite common though is for a man to place his career as highly important. It seems ingrained somehow and as you progress through life you are in control more and more on a professional basis.
Often it’s not a known entity, but a growing and developing need that leas to a man having a desire for female control. The submissive nature of the man needs to be relinquished to a trusted woman, a woman who he cares for.
So many men have this developing need withing them to find the balance they need and can well be in a relationship, sometimes short term, sometimes long term, and sometimes leading to marriage.
Have growing sub tendencies and a culture that doesn’t understand it fully is mix that produces many different results. Many men bottle in fearing their partner may never understand them, without even having given it a go.
For a great deal of men though I’d suggest there are huge psychological pressures and the desire to be submissive is some sort of subconscious desire for power rebalance.
So with a growing desire to try a female led relationship, and the trust of a female that you are happy to give some reigns of control to, many men decide to tell their other halves.
But how do you start that conversation?
Prepare Her – You Have Something Important To Tell Her
What worked for me was bracing my wife for a few days that I had something important to tell her.
I took her to a restaurant, but that isn’t strictly necessary, it just so happens that my wife likes eating out occasionally and it puts her in a good mood.
Essentially one morning I mentioned that I wanted to talk to her about something and valued her opinion.
The few things I stressed here was;
- It wasn’t a big deal but it might need some discussing
- She absolutely had nothing to worry about
- Nothing was going to change if she didn’t want it to
- It was personal to me and I valued her opinion
I made it as light-hearted as possible but left if for a few days. I was trying to convey an atmosphere of fun, rather than a forlorn look.
I wanted to keep the semblance of normal there and not make her think it was so huge she needed to worry.
Breaking Your Submissive Desires To Her
It’s never easy, but when you are sitting down you are just going to have to knuckle down and mention it.
As it happens my wife asked what it was but depending upon the approach you take, like a serious chat with your partner on the couch.
The approach I took was not to go blundering in and mess things up start slow, small, and emphasize the benefits to her. I didn’t want to go in and mention anything sexually speaking but assumed that might come up later.
What I said was something to the effect of;
“Have you heard of the term female led relationships. I heard about it a while back and it got me thinking. It’s something I think I’d like it if we tried. My professional work gives me a lot of freedoms and responsibilities that gives me the authority I need – at work. I think we could have fun with it. Absolutely nothing has to change that you don’t want ti to – that’s the point, but wanted to give you more authority to run the household and things. Anything you deem important really. I really wanted to know what you thought.”
There are a few common ones I think, but if you sense positivity then it’s probably good to break it off, and suggest she read up on it. Make sure you read a few female led relationship books and recommend them so that you know they are positive on the benefits for the woman.
Books by women help here.
I just gave her the feeling that it would give her more of an opportunity to ‘rule the roost’.
I ended the discussion at the point of positivity by explaining that I’d asked to have this conversation mainly in the hope that she would look into the idea and decide if it’s something that is appealing to her. That any decision from her was going to be respected, good or bad.
Emphasize The Benefits To Her
If your partner has already heard of it, she may be aware of some benefits, but if she isn’t there will be much doubt and trepidation.
They would fall into two categories, benefits for her and benefits for you. As well as the drawbacks for her. She will want some careful persuading on that as she will fear a few things if uninitiated.
So you need to stress the benefits to her, and this gives her an appreciation of how a female led relationship might work in practice.
The household – the female will make all the decisions pertaining to the household, and it’s efficient running. The male may be asked for his opinion for consideration but isn’t a requirement.
Molding – the male can be required to alter aspects of his behavior to satisfy the female. Bad habits, laziness, or any trait the man has that needs to be altered can be changed. Expectations can be required.
Chores – household tasks are delegated how the female sees fit. The male is available as labor to the female when she needs household chores doing.
Financial – the female makes all decisions financially for the house and social activities. She can regulate disposable income and allocate funds for the house as she sees fit.
Social – the female can have the last word in social gatherings, when to go and when to leave, etc.
No power struggle – the man’s opinion can be requested but it not needed. The female has the authority in a female led relationship to win the arguments. They can argue for sure but judgment default lies with the female. This minimizes any tensions as they both know the female has control.
She’ll Want To Know What You Get Out Of It
At some point she will want to know why you are doing this, what are the benefits for you. When you first hear about it from a woman’s point of view it can seem strange and unnatural.
The thought of why any man would voluntarily do this might seem ridiculous to her. She benefits but can’t see why you’d want it.
It will almost certainly be a puzzling conundrum to her.
Here are some suggestions for you to give her
Balance – This provide balance for the male. If he spends a lot of cerebral matter at work, with authority and power (so to speak) then the thought of being not in control at home has a huge amount of benefits
No arguing – Life at home becomes a simple matter, I don’t have to think about what to do, what needs doing. It will make the male more relaxed and appreciative.
No decisions – The male relinquishes the decisions so he feels free when he is at home. It produces a lack of responsibility that he will desire. The male will be free of any consequences.
No power struggle – Any conflict will be avoided if there are clear rules about the authority of the female. This lack of conflict is a peaceful element of the female led relationship as conflict naturally brings tension, which would be avoided.
In essence, a female led relationship will bring a lack of tension and responsibility to the male so he will feel more relaxed psychologically.
What She Might Be Thinking When You Tell Her
I think there are a few ‘key fears that a woman thinks about when confronted about a female led relationship.
Let’s run through them
Loosing her male partner – She is currently with you for a reason, some it will be because of the masculine traits you may have, from natural behavior to the bedroom. She is with you for those reasons. Telling her that she is now in control of the household, to her feels like you are changing, and she will lose the reasons she is attracted to you in the first place.
You need to stress that it isn’t like that at all. In fact if she doesn’t wish it nothing has to change much at all. It’s all done by mutual agreement, so she won’t have to change and neither will you. Just stress it gives you an edge when dealing with household stuff that’s all, she can decide what’s right for her, and then the male will comply.
As much or as less as she desires. We can both still be each other.
She will have to change – Another key fear is that she will have to pretend to be someone she is not. To her, it sounds like a lot of pretending and mothering of her partner.
You should stress that that is not what it is about. She can have standard things daily and weekly she wants to be done, tasks, and errands can be done for her if needed and it’s very much at her discretion how this is to be achieved. She can dip in and out, or take more control as she gains either experience or a liking for the relationship disparity.
100% on – She will fear it’s a permanent change that the relationship she has with you now is at risk. You should let her know that it is at her discretion to use, not character change. She can still be her all the time, but her requests carry more weight than before.
Some Good Answers To The Probable Questions
There are few natural questions that you may receive.
What is a female led relationship? – Stress it’s not a full on thing, that it just hands more control to the female on running of the household, tasks, and errands in the running of it, and in any matter she deems important. If she doesn’t then things carry on as normal.
Will it change things? – Stress it won’t materially alter your relationship and things will be moving at her pace anyway. It’s a mutual agreement to hand her more authority within defined parameters. If you don’t want things to change then don’t use that authority.
Where and when you do though, and there are always times when you want something done, your requests are more like instructions. Her choice at all times, so nothing has to change beyond what she wishes.
What about this punishment thing? – She might well have heard about all this BDSM thing and assumed if you so much as spill a coffee drop then she will have to whip and flog you.
Stress that that is stuff for fantasies and kink if you wish it, but there is a range of acceptable low impact punishments available to her They don’t involve the delivery of pain or humiliation, like standing in a corner, removal of Xbox privileges or early bedtime.
She doesn’t need to worry about anything as they don’t involve her having to do anything but again, are at her disposal.
Suggest She Read Up On The Subject So She Can Familiarize Herself
Beforehand it’s probably a good idea to have read a few of the female ledrelationship books that are positive on the role reversal and have them ready for her to read.
Chances are good she may want to read up on it, and that should be your main goal.
Set a positive tone of benefits for her, make sure you see it as light hearted but will follow the rules and when you bring it up, it would be a good idea to ask her politely if she’d be keen to keep an open mind.
You may not have explained it very well to her and letting her make up her own mind from women who are already in one and are extolling the virtues of the female led relationship may go a long way to making her give it a try.
So have some positive books ready for her to read and suggest she get a better understanding.
The whole point of this first bringing a female led relationship to her attention is not to scare her. Talk to her in small things, and hopefully, she will read more about it, decide it’s for her, and start to take an interest.
Suggest A Trial Period
If she seems generally positive, get her opinion on a trial period.
Nothing too large or intimidating about that, and make sure it has the equivalent of a money back guarantee. If she doesn’t like it or is worried about certain aspects then she can reverse course. She needs to feel safe trying it out.
Many women do indeed like it once they get to see the benefits, so trust the process and don’t scare her along the way.
So start slow and small.
Let her find her feet and her own pace.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.