Looking back through history, it’s easy to see that it is primarily male oriented. Whatever the reason, the modern world has more women rising to levels of positions of power than ever before.
If you are male, and are considering a female led relationship it’s a time for thinking of relinquishing your rights.
If you are a female, and thinking about becoming a dominant mistress to a partner, then it is high time your man stepped aside and let you take the reins.
There’s an increasing interest in the female led relationship and the benefits it can bring to both the dominant female and the submissive male.
Women, of course, aren’t strangers to power, many powerful women throughout history have had power, Margaret Thatcher, Joan Of Arc, Elizabeth 1st, Indira Gandhi, or Eva Peron.
There isn’t a realm of human existence where women haven’t held the top rank at some point whether it’s royalty or military command, typically male dominated arenas.
So why not modern relationships?
Why not?, women’s natural qualities and abilities can lead a traditional relationship and can mold their men for the better.
What Is The Definition Of A Female Led Relationship?
OK, so what are we talking about here and why would men want to relinquish their authority and autonomy.
It may not entirely surprise you but there is no official or community definition of a female led relationship, as it can mean different things to different people.
What it all boils down to though is a relationship where with consensual agreement, the female exerts a more dominant position in the relationship.
The relationship can be within good friends, a new partnership or a marriage, and can exist with broad scope or in tighter confines.
It’s an amorphous definition, but one where the female is given authority by the male. The female typically becomes the ‘mistress’ and the male typically becomes the ‘submissive’ or sub.
What there is more consensus about is that there are different levels of it
- Level 1 – Mild female dominance
- Level 2 – Medium female dominance
- Level 3 – Heavy female dominance
- Level 2 – Extreme female dominance
When a male trusts a female enough, most often within a loving partnership, he relinquishes his opinion and authority to the female within agreed parameters.
There are typical parameters, like social, financial, household tasks, errands, female desires and the female usually can dish out punishments for standards and non compliance, or challenges to the authority.
The new mistress normally has complete running of the household. She may consult the male on important matters like where to go on holiday, because it’s a loving relationship she wants an equal partnership decision.
However, for smaller matters or where she deems it important, her decision is the ultimate authority. Whether the male has to go and clean the bathroom, or make his mistress a coffee, her decision is not a request or up for discussion.
A mistress is like a sovereign authority within her domain.
Many men, especially those in responsible professional positions are entirely comfortable becoming passive and acting submissively towards their dominant female counterpart.
Many men actually enjoy the freedom from decision, in an area where women seem to like more control.
An advantage to female led relationships is the complete lack of power struggle between the sexes, and is a key reason while it’s a perfect choice for many.
Normal relationships contain various confrontations, just naturally, whether it’s the man leaving the toilet seat up or not lifting a finger to help around the house.
In a female led relationship, this doesn’t happen. The submissive male will have orders to always leave the loo seat down and a mistress can give out taskings for chores, and set the standards for compliance. She can then administer punishments, with whatever severity she deems appropriate for the infraction.
Arguments can be vastly diminished, if not eliminated.
The relationship is based upon trust and caring, but the female leads. It is not like feminism at all, it is not about deliberately emasculating the male. The female just makes the household and relationship decisions.
A very popular misconception is that it is the same as role reversal, that it is the male and female typically swap roles. The female not only commands the relationship but is the breadwinner, and the male stays at home raising kids.
In a female led relationship the male can still bring in the main income, and take an active role with any kids, but the female just makes the decisions.
A female led relationship actually extends and accentuates the femininity of the female, it doesn’t diminish it.
Active feminism is actually off putting to many men, and only really happens in the more extreme levels of femdom.
The advantages to a female led relationship for the female is quite obvious. She gets what she wants, without a fight. An interesting question is whether conflict produces a more interesting relationship.
Often though, having a male submissive to their needs and wishes produces a more harmonious household. A household where there is less tension, and chores are done to her satisfaction.
She can also mold her man slightly to make him ‘more perfect’. I don’t mean personality swaps or anything, but to adjust him slightly. A mistress in a female led relationship won’t want to significantly alter the man she was actually attracted to.
But her submissive may have a few traits she could do without, like squeezing the toothpaste in the middle, or not emptying the bins.
Maybe he has even developed a pot belly recently and a quick diet brings him back into shape. A mistress will use her authority to improve her man, when she thinks she knows best for him.
Women often find their men actually appreciate them more as it’s based upon trust and companionship. The mistress taking authority over areas actually increases the affection as he desires the submissiveness in the first place.
In fact, submissive may be a word with too many negative connotations, but rather he will appreciate you more as he sees you taking authority in an area where he wants freedom from decision and consequence.
Perhaps the more difficult part of understanding a female led relationship is why men actively seek it and are willing to submit to it. I’d say most requests for femdom come from the man, and the female has to learn and be persuaded.
No firm data on that, just a general perception.
It seems a little quizzicle why anyone, let alone a male would willingly submit themselves to indignity of losing their own autonomy.
For many it provides balance in their life, a counterbalance on absolution from consequence to their professional lives. There is little to no confrontation at home, the living environment becomes less frictional and additionally he may get a partner who seeks to extend her dominance into the bedroom.
Always some kink involved.
The male submissive places implicit trust in the female to look out for him and care for him with her decisions, and is willing to submit to ensure that trust and devotion.
A female led relationship will extend out of the household, and is an integral part of the relationship, wherever they are. Social interactions and decisions can be heavily influenced by the female partner.
Every female led relationship is different, i’d be willing to bet almost no 2 FLR’s are identical. They are different because everyone is unique, and has different needs, wants, desires, passions, levels of trust and commitments.
There are said to be the ‘4 levels’ and to give you some idea of what you might be letting yourself in for, let’s walk through them so you can see where you might be the most comfortable.
Level 1 – Lower Level FLR
As you might expect, this is what you might term the beginner level.
It doesn’t convey acceptance, or any other trait, it’s just the beginnings of a female led relationship.
Even so, it’s a bit of a misnomer, because many experienced in the art of gentle femdom actually settle here as well.
It’s the level of dominance that both parties are comfortable with. There is no expectation to ‘take it up a notch’.
Nevertheless, for those who are exploring the idea, it needs to start somewhere.
A man may well have been thinking of it for a while but the female might want to explore through practice what it might mean. She may like it, it may make her uncomfortable, but nonetheless she needs to display some dominance.
So, level 1 refers to the style of dominance not the experience of the players.
At this level the management of the submissive may be termed ‘very low’. The mistress perhaps has a few confined areas for dominance and the submissive has a larger scope for his own autonomy.
There are large areas where the partnership has not explored, or is unwilling to go into. Things like forbidding the submissive from going out for example.
There are unlikely to be heavy punishments, and the mistress has control over a few things, perhaps like household finances, tasks, and errands pertaining to the running of the house.
It’s termed a mild form of dominance and beginners can explore areas at this level. The mistress takes control over a few lifestyle areas and can explore how she feels about the new situation. As can the submissive.
Maybe the female isn’t keen, and doesn’t like making the decisions, and wants to end it here as it doesn’t feel right for. Nobody wants to give gentle femdom a try as a beginner and leaps straight into whips and flogging.
Many people can be at this level and not really know it. There are plenty of relationships where the female takes a much more dominant lead in the running of the household and the male just complies rather than argues. They don’t know it, but at some level that’s a consensual female led relationship.
This level will pretty much get both parties comfortable with being prepared for higher levels of female control and domination. It’s pretty much a dip in the water, although many are comfortable around here.
It’s an area where boundaries are found and are pushed, as limits of comfortability are explored.
In essence this sort of level is identifiable by;
- The mistress has control over chores and delegates a few tasks
- The mistress may take over household finance spending
- Mistress may have very limited social control
- Punishments are light like standing in a corner to 30 minutes
- Can contain small elements of kink like washing up naked
- At least explore a more dominant female sexuality
Level 2 – Moderate Level FLR
As you might expect, this is a small step up from the beginner or extremely moderate level, and the female assumes a little more command and authority.
Her scope could well be broadened a little to incorporate the increased level of command.
The submissive and the mistress will have had a good in depth conversation about what works for them, and the male will hand over more control to the female.
We are still a long way from the extremes and ‘utter devotion’. The male still has autonomy in a wide variety of areas of his own choosing.
Women have more scope for spontaneous acts of compliance, and making her submissive perform instant errands and tasks.
The mistress may be getting into her stride with the concepts of authority and enjoys the power over the submissive. Her submissive may start showing more deference to her authority and supremacy.
The mistress is probably more comfortable with acts of authority outside the household, and will take commands for small acts of her own pleasure or desires. When she requires a bath, the submissive may be required to run and make the bathroom ready for example.
More every day matters, rather than a few chores and the odd task are now well within hand and the submissive will start to feel the presence of the mistress more keenly. He will be required to attend to her needs a little more frequently, not just making her life slightly easier around the house.
It’s obviously a little more ‘advanced’ if that is the right word, but many women are comfortable at this level straight away, as are many men.
The woman may also start to feel the benefits of the female led relationship and notice arguments are dwindling and the conflict has decreased. She may well feel more appreciated as a result.
Thus she may have a growing admiration for this style of partnership.
This is still all done with acceptable limits of instruction and the male still has a great deal of autonomy.
There’s no doubt though that the control is more serious, and boundaries can be pushed. The submissive is comfortable with his mistress and they are exploring together.
Punishments can get a little more harsh and corporal punishment can at least be introduced. Small level groundings, removal of privileges and cane spanking may be on the cards.
The dominance is now definitely in the area of kink and the mistress may require small acts of obedience so the sub can ‘prove his devotion and worth’.
The submissive will want to to test and explore the limits of mistress’ authority and will actively try and see by experiment if the mistress is lax or firm with her authority. A mistress needs to be sufficiently aware that putting her foot down might be necessary.
The submissive will essentially want to test her. He may well decide to deliberately cause an infraction to see the response.
It’s a more formal form of female led relationship and standing orders may be required. The rules will be there and less amorphous. Lines will be drawn so the sub knows where he stands.
In essence this sort of level is identifiable by;
- The submissive has daily and weekly tasks.
- Mistress exercises more spontaneity when tasking errands and chores
- More financial running of the house will be necessary
- Punishments are starting to move harsher (groundings, spankings)
- Social control over clothes, timings and public instructions
- The kink starts to move into more female clothing and work humiliation
- Sexual dominance is more spontaneous and mistress is harsher
Level 3 – Heavy Level FLR
Limits are much higher towards the extremes, but the sub is still a male and has some autonomy, although it is much more limited.
The relationship can function normally to outsiders but the submissive is much more under control than before.
The mistress is starting to lead the relationship and now has total dominance over the house running smoothly. She may task the submissive much more harshly and immediately to ensure the house is functional as she prefers it.
The mistress obviously has much more dominance and the submissive starts realising that the female can interfere in pretty much any area of his home life. Some times she prefers not to. and leaves him alone, to let him go his own way. She will interfere when she deems it necessary.
She doesn’t choose his clothing, but if she doesn’t like an item she can start telling him not to wear it. Interference is on her terms of what she lets her man get up to.
The submissive man makes very little input into the house decisions or social engagements. He expects to have these sort of decisions made for him and obey the commands. Social engagements may have to be approved by the mistress.
A strong dominant mistress and male submissive subservient authority is starting to emerge where the male has less free time that isn’t approved.
His own preferences and pleasures can be overridden so that the mistress has her demands met. His life becomes more about making sure she is cared for, satisfied and has her needs met.
It’s now at such a formal level that contracts, and discussions are probably needed about where she can push boundaries and areas she still has to stay clear of. There is still much autonomy and freedom for her, but he must seek a request for things.
Punishments are now much more severe. Long painful groundings can be applied, as can harsh corporal punishment. Mistress can deem the application of a cane and paddle whenever she feels it necessary. A paddle that will bring tears to his eyes.
Sexually the man can now become a toy for pleasure.
In essence this sort of level is identifiable by;
- The submissive has more daily and weekly tasks
- Mistress now has authority over pretty much everything with the partnership
- Finances can be utterly in control.
- Punishments are can range up to harsh, including painful corporal punishment.
- Social control has extended to permissions and instructions
- Now severe kink from full female attire to jerking off on camera.
- Sexual dominance is getting complete. She controls the sex
- The submissive may act as a butler to please his mistress
- Mistress can now use the submissive as cheap labor
- Mistress can control the submissives free time
- Important decisions can now be made without submissive permission
Level 4- Extreme Level FLR
This level is only for hardcore devotees, and can often be seen with part time relationships. A truly dominant mistress has now emerged who may have several men under her command.
In a relationship though the male submissive has almost no say or any authority whatsoever, and essentially becomes a slave if mistress so chooses.
It can now only be described as extreme. They will be pretty intense and the submissive must prepare for almost any instruction. Mistress can now just punish him for fun, or small slips in standards.
The submissive’s life now revolves totally around the mistress. She can easily tell him not to go out with friends but to do chores instead.
The relationship is looking a lot less like an equal partnership at all. The males can often be very slave like in their devotion, and mistress can be very dismissive.
Control is often maintained by punishment rather than rewards. The submissive man must have slightly masochistic tendencies to start at this level.
The mistress can also be utterly ruthless and even uncaring, knowing just her being is the cause of the devotion. The submissive is a love struck puppy, craving recognition from her.
The mistress can now act much more selfishly and use the submissive to indulge her pleasures. His inconvenience is inconsequential.
The submissive must indulge her every wish, and move mountains to make her life easier. The male is probably doing all the chores while the mistress relaxes. She can do no work.
Mistress can request coffees, wine, and food preparation as if the male was a slave.
Sexually speaking the man may become a toy for the pleasure of his mistress. She will probably be into pegging and resistance isn’t an option.
The kink is getting kinkier, with strapon dildos, naked vacuuming or cleaning the kitchen as a french maid.
Mistress may make the submissive humiliate himself like having sex with a blow up doll for fun, or jerking off in the garden.
Total control is often how it’s stated.
The submissive must be willing to be under complete control. Even if it is consensual.
At this level of female led relationship a mistress may consider cuckolding her partner to bring along another male for sex. The submissive may be so devoted that he will willingly agree so that his mistress is happy.
In essence this sort of level is identifiable by;
- The submissive male does all the chores
- Total authority over the relationship by mistress
- Male may have access to pocket money in the finances
- Punishments are now up to agreed limits
- Humiliations can now be done for mistress fun and humor
- Mistress dominates the social calendar
- The submissive is all but a slave and servant
- The submissive must request for any pleasure from free time or jerking off
- Sex is now completely under mistress’ control
- Chastity cages, feminization are common
- The mistress may cuckold her partner
Can You Flick Between The Levels
What should be understood is that everyone has different starting points, as everyone is different with differing levels of comfort in the BDSM arena.
You can easily start at level 2 if you like, nobody would have an issue with it if it’s right for you.
The important point would be to start small, and start slow so you can experience female dominance together.
There are no official rules, or even common guidelines, so do whatever works for you.
Feel free to have one level of intensity for the household, but another for the kink and bedroom.
You don’t need to be confined to anything.
As a mistress you can be all sweetness and light in public, firm but fair in the house, but a complete bitch in the bedroom.
Chances are your submissive may like the spontaneity and occasional intensity.
Alternatively you may like regular sex, be indifferent in public but have high house standards and are over demanding in the chores and tasks with high standards.
So yes, by all means switch between different levels of intensity with whatever works for the both of you.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.
This was such a great read!
How do you leave a FLR as a male? Without knowing it makes it hard to go from a Mutual Led Relationship to a FLR?
As a male I also do not find the losing of ones dignity (by punishment, chastity) to be healthy. If I could find something more uplifting I might bring this up to my girlfriend (I am a widower)
I see that all FLRs are really BDSM activities. Prove to me otherwise.