The Domme Guide To Educating A Better Lover

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One of the main concerns I have heard about within any female led relationship is that of sex, and how it may alter.

A woman naturally thinks that her man going submissive may alter her throws of passion, and she may lose the man she chose to partner with.

Naturally, she thinks this permanently alters things.

In many ways, it can do, but there is a plus side. A new mistress may take a moment to ponder that her submissive is under obligation to follow her instructions.

While it’s certainly possible to have a normal sexual relationship within a female-led one, there is a new dynamic at play.

This dynamic a mistress may wish to explore.

Why not use this dominant position, to train, to influence and hone your lover in better ways of pleasing you.

a mistress gets a leg massage

Get Better Environments

Let’s start with the environment. As a mistress why not get the environment perfect for the way, you like sexual pleasure.

The good thing is there’s no need to compromise, the mistress can decide forthrightly or try a few different alternatives, to get her preferred environments together.

The environment is critical for the enjoyment of sex, whether it’s spontaneous or more planned.

Some things for a mistress to consider if she wishes 

Setup – This is the basic pre framework if you feel you need to. Do you prefer a romantic dinner, a nice relaxation, and a movie, or is it more spontaneous?

a mistress training her lover on the bed

Pre conversation – Does the mistress like mood conversation. Does she like to be entertained beforehand? Get your sub performing what he needs to.

Locations – Where is the mistress’ preferred location? Does she like sex in the bedroom, the kitchen, or indeed outside. Get your submissive to either clean the room, or scout a location for your preferred locality.

Bedding – Might as well make the sheets you might be lying on as comfortable as possible, maybe even with a fur throw on the bed for extra sensations.

Mood lighting – Get your submissive to play with the lights until you get your favorite mood lighting and color. Drop a few red bulbs in if you fancy that boudoir look.

Music – Get him to select and organize your favorite sex tunes and play them in the room.

Temperature – Your submissive is responsible for making sure you aren’t cold as well. Get him to make sure the room temperature is right.

Atmosphere – The mistress will have a preferred atmosphere for the room or location, whether sensual, romantic, or a ‘raw’ feel to it. Make sure your sub gets the atmosphere right.

a mistress on the bed

Scents – A pleasing aroma is everything, and might enhance mistress’ enjoyment. Select a scent for the room and get him to prepare it.

Grooming – Have a set of grooming and hygiene standards that must be met, and inspect if necessary.

Teasing  – Does the mistress like a good tease? Get him to perfect his chat-up lines and arousal methods.

Clean – Your submissive’s job is to make sure all items that mistress might come into contact with are spotlessly clean. Sex toys as well. Make sure everything is as spotless as possible.

The important point is that it is your submissive’s job to make the environment perfect for you, not yours.

Get A Better Scenario Together

Once the environment, and set up has been accounted for, you can apply some thought to creating the scenarios that excite you the most.

Time for the mistress to think not only about the clothes that she likes to wear but any costume she likes her lover to wear.  

A mistress can instruct her partner to wear any costume that she finds an exciting prospect.

Not only the style but the quality of the costume as well. Flimsy or half baked costumes can often detract from the atmosphere, so if you like a policeman scenario or a soldier then get to get some decent gear together

a mistress on the couch receiving oral

Get Better Foreplay

Getting to the point there is now no need for a mistress in a female-led relationship to put up with either crappy or non-existent foreplay.

No longer will a mistress who wants to enjoy the throws of passion have to put up with it. If the mistress loves elongated foreplay or certain pre-sexual activities, then she can just order it done.

A common enough complaint against most men is that they don’t spend enough time sexually exciting their partner.

This should ned in a female-led relationship. While caring for your male counterpart, he has agreed to be submissive, so why should it stop in the bedroom.

If you like a certain activity, spell it out for him, and don’t allow him to escalate the sexual activity until you want that. 

So keep him stroking, kissing, nibbling, or caressing until you are satisfied you want to move on.

a mistress with a collar around her sub

Start The Excitement Your Way

You decide when the foreplay ends. Your submissive isn’t to initiate any progression until you confirm he can.

Essentially, he must continue with his last instruction until his mistress allows him to progress.

This may be frustrating for your submissive, but quite frankly, tough.

Essentially this is where you’d train your submissive in how you are best made horny.

This is where a domme needs to put in some effort in thinking out how she best likes to be properly excited. Foot rubs and light foreplay are one thing, but you will need to think about a few ways you want your submissive to escalate up a gear.

By that, he might need to go away and practice.

Suppose you like your bottom being slapped but he doesn’t get it right. Well, you can get him practicing in his spare time until you get him up to standard.

That pretty much goes for anything, you as a mistress enjoy. No need to put up with his best effort and leave it there. If it can be improved, make him practice.

a mistress on top of her sub

If you like to initiate after foreplay then he just needs to be a good submissive and do what he’s told, but if you like the male to initiate then you not only need to train him how but get him perfecting that initiation.

TIP – It’s probably best just to be blunt with your submissive, as well as unapologetic. If you like whispered sweet nothings into your ear, tell him to go away and practice some good lines. Tell him you want fresh and original content etc.

Decide How Long You Want To Spend

This is one of the best things about how a mistress can instruct and perfect a lover. As your submissive will have to stay on task until he is released and instructed to do something else, then the mistress can hold the submissive until a task is perfected.

If the thought of a long luxurious bath, followed by an hour’s worth of body massage is your perfect setup for making love, then you can perfect not only the bathing experience but get him to an expert level for body massage as well.

It’s time to describe to yourself what you prefer, covering all bases, from time on foreplay, to how much spontaneity your submissive should be given.

a mistress on top of her sub with handcuffs

Train Him For Your Favorite Positions

Every mistress will have a favorite position, if not a few.

It’s time for a mistress to analyze why she likes those positions, whether she likes multiple positions, and what position she likes when heading towards the final act.

Because he needs to train and practice all those positions to further your pleasure.

Does your submissive need better quadriceps for his position, if he does, get him going through some quad exercises until it’s not an issue.

Does he need to be stronger or fitter? If so, get him to do some exercises and strength repetitions until he can do what you need him for.

Your submissive needs to learn all the things that make your favorite positions enjoyable.

Get Him To Use Exciting Language

No longer does your submissive get to remain silent.

Language and its use can greatly enhance a sexual experience, as it helps reinforce a scenario or fantasy being performed.

So, what language does a mistress like?

a mistress on top of her sub on the bed

Does she like smooth and romantic language during foreplay, or does she like pleading, begging, or indeed sexy compliments about her.

If a mistress likes comments about her being sexy then your submissive needs to learn techniques for soothing wordplay.

Alternatively, a mistress might prefer rough, and lustful language, in which case a submissive needs to learn to be confident and commanding with his language.

Orgasm The Right Way

Finally, a mistress needs to train their submissive in her preferred methods of orgasm.

Whatever combination of factors that work for a mistress needs to be trained into their submissive.

Firstly, your submissive may need to practice your favorite position but also mixed with exciting language a mistress needs to hear.

Even the common male problem of premature ejaculation can be fixed. 


Well, it starts with the fact that in training your lover, your pleasure is more important than his.

So, if you like physical penetration as a large part of that, then a submissive can wear a penis extender so you can concentrate on his best performance.

a mistress educates a lover

Essentially your submissive wears a very thick condom over his member, and this completely desensitizes the area. You can add some desensitizing spray if you like, but the effect is that a submissive can penetrate a mistress until she doesn’t want him to.

With this method, a submissive can practice many positions, and make mistress as happy as he can, all without having to concentrate on himself.


It’s a well known trope that women like to be intimate after sex, and men don’t.

Well, that can change.

If you like a moment of either silent intimacy afterward then inform him how you like to be handled afterward, and make sure he obeys.

Final Thoughts

Training a submissive to be a better lover isn’t easy, but it can be done with dedication and patience.

The key is for a mistress to identify what she likes, and has preferences for and get their submissives to practice anything that needs attention. If foreplay is of paramount importance for a mistress then he must practice that.

If seduction is the major part, then he must learn how to be suaver, and debonair. Everything from the environment that a mistress prefers, to the use of language as well as his adeptness at escalating physical pleasure.

a mistress leads a collared sub

It’s important to remember that the submissive does not get to escalate any sexual encounter that you do not wish.

It’s important to differentiate a training session from anything else. If he needs to practice his foot rubs then that can be done at any time of an evening.

The purpose of training a lover is not something of equals. The whole purpose of your submissive should be to perfect and obtain mastery of the art of sexually pleasing the most.

Your submissive should derive enjoyment out of making you the happiest, and not expect his pleasure to be of importance.

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