A mistress or newbie domme will eventually grow with experience, and find her own feet, but in the beginning she will feel a little bit overwhelmed.
As she gains a bit of experience, and gets used to commanding and being dominating, then it’s natural she may want to ‘play a bit’ with the situation.
Of course, this should always be done with consent, and it’s a mistresses responsibility to understand limits and areas where she isn’t to go.
This can require a little experimentation, as a lot of areas within BDSM are gray, and you will have permission from your sub to explore and find where both your limits are comfortable.
And that’s where I want to pitch this article. It’s for those who want to try something a little more out of the comfort zone for a beginner.
While some mistresses and subs are comfortable straight away, some aren’t so here’s a few things to try.
While the first thing I’d do is recommend you google, how to safely slap a lover in the face or find some video instruction, it’s important to point out this obviously needs consent before you perform it.
Psychologically speaking it’s a big move though. It really places the authority on the dominant.
Generally people who commit physical violence are not only trying to control a person, but feel that they own them, and are disrespectful of their position. Exactly what a consensual submissive will want.
The small hint of control through violence makes some find this exciting, despite, of course this being a consensual act.
While of course a submissive may give you an open invitation I’d recommend applying a slap to the face under certain circumstances, not just as a random tool.
Certainly for disrespect, or as a firm instructional tool.
If your submissive either disrespects you, or answers you back, then you might consider this option.
Or additionally, if you are explaining something and your submissive is not really listening, a face slap may be warranted.
It’s worth noting as to whether the submissive actually enjoys the slap, as if he does he may do the activity more that results in it, so it’s something to be careful with.
It should be used to focus your submissive’s mind, and not out of anger if you want a female led relationship to succeed.
So, with your submissives’s consent feel free to strike him without fear in order to get your message across. A slap followed by ‘do you understand me?’ really makes your submissive understand your intent.
The good thing about hair pulling is that it can be extremely light, almost sensual even and in a more extreme form a forceful movement.
There’s a whole gradient there, and you may wonder why it’s here.
I’m not talking about passion, or light sensual play.
I’m talking about pulling the hair, more of a ‘come with me’ and a forceful method of moving the head.
Again with prior consent, if your submissive isn’t either moving fast enough, or at all, just grab the hair and drag them to where you need them.
Being an act of physical force the submissive if he has consented prior should enjoy the very physical demonstration of you taking control.
Nude Chores Or Taskings
Within any female led relationship or gentle femdom partnership, a common, and some may say even required part of the submissive’s duty will be that of chores.
It’s almost customary for a submissive to be given a list of chores for the submissive to do. Whether it’s keeping the bathroom clean, a vehicle cleaned, the kitchen spotless, or the front garden kept immaculate, a mistress or domme will feel perfectly entitled to have her basic chores met.
So, tasks and chores aren’t uncommon, far from it.
So to add a little weird kink or humiliation to any chore, the domme can get the submissive to do the chore naked.
There’s no real standardization to this, just get your submissive to put his clothes some place before he does a chore. You can then either go about your business or make fun of his predicament.
This isn’t for every submissive but some find it a critical part of their submission.
As always, to each his own.
Sometimes it’s a fine art to try and find the line but it’s an interesting search nonetheless.
Obviously the idea is to use belittling and demeaning language in order to emphasize submissiveness and ownership.
You can certainly look around google if you feel the need to but videos can also be a great help.
I’m pretty sure you would have your own ideas as well.
So feel free to use ‘bitch’, ‘whore’ or whatever you feel like to make him feel small.
Penis humiliation can work quite well as well, so you can also think about holding his penis up and asking if he thinks that ‘little thing’ will satisfy you.
He’s your submissive so he can certainly upgrade himself to be ‘your bitch’ as well.
Sleeping Tied Up
A little quirky this one for sure so a mistress can apply when to use at her own discretion.
There’s quite literally no guidance on how to apply this, but the theory is a mistress can sleep with her freedom, and she may decide her submissive shouldn’t at any particular time.
She can tie his hands together and make him sleep like that.
She can tie feet as well, or indeed tie his hands to the bed so he is restricted in movement during the night.
Also, who says it has to be in the bed. She can tie up her submissive and make him sleep on the couch.
The idea is that she has the power and authority to decide on his freedoms, even during sleep.
While a submissive should always be respectful to a mistress, lest there be some form of retribution, you can always push the emphasis.
In a female led relationship, as a partnership it can often fall into a natural style where the power dynamic may not be obviously present.
A mistress can change that by demanding acknowledgement and respect.
Try these ideas
- Always address mistress as ‘ma’am’ or mistress
- Say ‘as you please mistress’ when instructed
- Keep head bowed in mistresses presence
- Curtsey when mistress enters (emasculating for a male)
- Silence at the dinner table, head bowed until mistress picks up cutlery
- Kneeling when being instructed
- Never turn your back on mistress (like the Queen of England)
There’s just too many ideas so feel free.
Floggers / Whips
Some female led relationships have never tried these as they assume it’s a bit too much outside of their definition of gentle femdom.
If you’ve never tried it though, why not give it a go. Just to see what it’s like.
No pressure to take it up permanently but it is a quiver to add to the mistress armory.
Or caning if you feel like it.
You never know, you may both like the practice.
Feminized Spring Clean
Sometimes a mistress’ house just needs a clean. It may be tidy but just needs a good dust and why bother doing that yourself if you have a submissive.
So if all surfaces need a dust, cobwebs need removing, tables need polishing and cupboards need cleaning, then time to book some time and get your submissive to it.
We all know maids clean a house, so your submissive should have his own uniform as a house maid.
Pick a French maids outfit, stockings, suspenders and appropriate footwear.
Then get him to work cleaning the house and cleaning all the windows in the house as well.
Sexualizing the maid is also fun a lot of the time.
- Slap your subs bottom occasionally as he cleans
- Snap that garter belt
- Make lude comments
- Ask if he has a boyfriend
- Ask if they shag on first dates
- Say ‘hey, love I have something for you to suck’ occasionally
Wax / Clothespins
Obviously this involves some light pain so can put a lot of people off, but as long as it is consensual then can be good fun.
Most men like to be tested in this arena, even as a submissive, so they may be more receptive to it than you think.
Do a bit of googling and learn how to do it, or again, watch a video so permanent scarring isn;t going to become an issue but why not tie your submissive down, and drip a little wax onto him.
Or create one of those daisy chain clothespins setups, and rip them all off at once.
It can be used as a deterrent for any future confrontations if nothing else.
Collar And Tied
Some mistresses use a collar quite often, but in this context I’m talking about it as a restraint rather than a symbol of ownership.
The idea is to place a collar around your submissive’s neck, and make sure it’s one with a shackle.
You can then have a lead that you firmly fix in position somewhere.
This has the effect of rooting your submissive to a specific location.
During cleaning the bathroom, you can tie him to the towel rail.
If you want dinner, you can leash him to something firm so he has to cook while restrained.
In fact, any time you want to keep your submissive in a single location with only a little bit of room to manoeuvre you can use this technique.
Confine him to a room or get one of those long dog leads if you want to give him more room.
Sex With A Doll
You can tag this one up as a dirty kink humiliation but you’d have to have a heart of stone not to find it funny if you try it as a mistress.
How far you want to take it is up to you, but you can really go to town if you like.
Pick out online a good blow up sex doll, and get your submissive to order his new sexual partner.
You can go full humiliation here and get some sexy underwear, stockings and everything. A negligee and bra are always good.
Then, at whatever convenience it is to you, you watch your submissive engage in some sexual play.
- Try making him give a foot rub to the doll
- Maybe even a backrub
- Make him move onto to some sensual kissing
- That doll definitely deserves to receive some oral sex
- He should definitely be whispering sweet nothings into ‘her’ ear
- Make him mount her and ‘take her virginity’
If you want, take some photos or video if you have that kind of trusting relationship.
Forced Humiliating Masturbation
The purpose of this is to deliberately cause embarrassment for your submissive, so utilize as much knowledge as you have in this regard.
As ever, some basic pre-event work subtly can build up the tension, especially if he knows what’s coming.
Make him have a bath and get clean for example to elongate the process.
Then he can kneel in front of you, and ask to be allowed to masturbate. Feel free to tease or make him ask more politely.
When you eventually allow him, you can constantly berate him about it taking too much time, or whatever. Tell him how stupid and peverse he looks if you like.
Whatever you decide, just make it fun for you, and slightly awkward for your submissive.
Make A Call – While Being Toyed With
This can be truly evil, but a little fun.
What you are going to do is get your submissive to make a call to talk to someone he knows for a chat, and while he does that you are going to try and make him ejaculate, or at least excite him.
You can have real fun with this, not least of which by putting him in sexy clothing or something.
Once he makes the call and starts talking you can try and excite him with your best efforts.
Think the Hugh Jackman scene from Swordfish here.
Maybe rewards for lasting a certain amount of time, or punishments for not lasting.
You can enjoy your submissive’s contorted face as he tries to hold a normal conversation while being stimulated.
Like I said, evil. But fun.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.