Every new mistress starts with her own set of personal challenges.
How to start, what works, or even deciding how you feel about it all.
There’s a lot of advice about, some good, as well as the bland or autrocious.
Most new mistress’ will learn by trial and error, which is perfectly fine technique, reading, leqrning, and adapting what works for you as a couple.
That said, it’s always worth being armed with information, or at least points of view from which to draw your own experiences.
This article then, is written by a man, from the perspective of a man, on what a new female dominant SHOULDN’T let us get away with.
Trust me, he’ll thank you for it … don’t give in.
That’s what this article delves into, all the things a mistress, even a new mistress shouldn’t put up with.
Not only what the problems are, but also how to deal with them.
So let’s get into it.
Table of Contents
Finding Balance Within The Power Dynamic
Remember, it’s not an all-or-nothing situation—find a balance that aligns with both your desires and the well-being of your submissive.
Trust your instincts and be aware of potential challenges.
While flexibility is important, there are behaviors from your new submissive that should not be tolerated.
Assert your boundaries with confidence, and communicate openly to ensure a mutually respectful power dynamic.
Trust in yourself as the dominant, your ability to grow, and navigate the journey with a firm yet understanding hand.
Setting Demands and Preferred Behavior
In this pivotal stage of our female-led journey, that is the beginning, it’s crucial to lay out expectations clearly.
Start by openly talking about the specific behaviors and actions that matter most to you.
Hash out guidelines together through negotiation.
It’s a shared responsibility, making sure you’re on the same page with consent being given for authority.
While you’ve got your demands in place, build in a bit of flexibility.
Life changes, and so can our needs. Regular check-ins to review and adjust expectations ensure you’re both growing and evolving in sync.
A Penchant For Being Awkward
Let’s get real for a moment.
In the world of femdom relationships, the submissive guy? Yep, he’s a human being.
And let’s face it, relationships aren’t some rigid, rule-bound thing. They’re messy, full of twists, and sometimes, downright awkward.
We’ve got built-in dynamics here, and that can stir up some tension.
The submissive, being human, might show some natural tendencies that contribute to those awkward moments.
Now, don’t get me wrong, a bit of awkwardness is par for the course in any relationship. But sometimes, it’s a sign that things are veering off course, and that’s where your authority as the dominant partner comes into play.
See, the beauty of a femdom relationship isn’t just about having the submissive crave your authority; it’s about having the tools to deal with the stuff that doesn’t quite fit.
Communication is your secret weapon. Encourage your guy to spill the beans about how he’s feeling, especially when things get a bit uncomfortable.
That’s how trust and understanding grow.
And guess what?
Humor is your sidekick in this journey. Life’s too short to take every awkward moment seriously.
A good laugh can smooth out the bumps, making your connection stronger.
The 12 Behaviors That Need Never Be Tolerated
Alright, let’s dive in.
In the world of femdom relationships, knowing the ropes and setting boundaries is key.
This part? It’s all about unveiling the 12 behaviors that you just shouldn’t put up with.
From not following orders to slacking on responsibilities, we’re laying it all out.
Think of it as a guide for the dominants out there, a roadmap to knowing when and how to take charge.
They’re like the building blocks for a femdom relationship that’s not just strong but also respectful and consensual.
Topping From the Bottom
This behavior simply refers to a submissive’s tendency to start controlling the relationship while appearing to be the submissive.
In the world of BDSM, the dominant partner is called the ‘top’ and the submissive the ‘bottom’.
Thus, the submissive either directs or controls the dominant’s behavior thus subverting the true authority in the dynamic.
It can create an uncomfortable and frustrating power dynamic for the couple. The dominant isnt really in control and the submissive isn’t really being submissive.
Topping from the bottom manifests in such manners as;
- “I haven’t done as you asked, don’t you think I deserve a spanking?”
- “Can you peg me harder, I prefer that”
- “I want to do the punishment tomorrow, it’s more convenient”
- I cooked spaghetti even though you asked for Lasagne, they’re similar
- Disagreeing and arguing with the dominant’s choices
- Negotiating or bartering with the dominant
So recognizing it can be pretty easy, in that, if you’re the domme and feeling controlled then he’s ‘topping from the bottom’, but doing something about it largely depends upon the submissive’s propensity for actually being submissive.
Calibration of the decisions of the dominant is OK some of the time, direct control of them is not.
Saying no, contradicting decisions, ignoring requests, and exerting preferential submissive behavior are all examples of topping from the bottom.
So dealing with it can range from casual acknowledgement of recognizing what he’s doing to actual punishment for attempts at manipulation.
It can be seen as a way to test the dominant, thus the submissive truly wants the dominant to stand up to their manipulation.
My advice would be to call it out directly and be consistent. Don’t allow the submissive to get away with it sometimes and not others.
Counter it with something like –
“I don’t appreciate your attempt to [insert grievance here], you are NOT in control here, you’ll do what I tell you and take what I tell you. Don’t presume to tell me what I want to do, unless I hear a safe word, you’ll do/take what you’re told. You either stop this behavior or I escalate a punishment. Choose.”
Something like that should do it.
Kink Their Way Is Punishment
This is a classic.
Happens all the time with submissives, but definitely shouldn’t be allowed by the dominant.
It starts with the word ‘funishment’, that is, an activity that could be classified as a punishment which the submissive actually enjoys.
Technically, it might be classified as a punishment or something enjoyed by a mistress, but the key is he likes the activity.
Making a submissive cross-dress is a punishment if he hates it, but a kink if he enjoys it.
If the submissive likes something, then allow it as a treat, if they do what they’re told for a while as an example.
What a mistress definitely shouldn’t allow is the submissive’s kink to be adopted as a punishment.
The domme should assess what a submissive enjoys and doesn’t and then adapt her punishments accordingly.
If a submissive enjoys spanking, and it gets used as a punishment, then the domme will create an atmosphere where the submissive will contrive situations, including disobeying orders, in order to receive the punishment.
Deny the submissive that aspect of his role.
Disrespecting or Undermining Authority
With this sort of activity, we arent talking about direct disobedience, thats another form of behavior that shouldn’t be tolerated and more on that in a moment.
What this one means is those subtle and underhanded ways of ‘shoving back’ against an authority.
Acceptable or tolerated in most relationships, but not a female dominanted one.
So what are we talking about
- Passive aggressive remarks
- Selective compliance
- Undermining decisions
- Subtle disobedience
- Guilt tripping, excuse making, manipulation, etc
Maintaining a firm stance against disrespect or undermining within a femdom relationship is vital for its overall health and success.
Upholding authority reinforces a secure and consensual dynamic, maintaining the integrity of the relationship. In essence, a firm stance ensures the relationship remains grounded, communicative, and fulfilling for both partners.
Again, direct communication when the dominant feels that they are disrespected can be countered with something like;-
“Listen carefully. In this femdom relationship, there’s no room for disrespect or undermining. It’s a direct breach of trust and respect. If you value this dynamic, understand this: undermining my authority erodes the very foundation we’ve built. I expect your full cooperation, clear communication, and unwavering respect. Anything less jeopardizes what we’ve worked hard to create. Are we clear?”
Disobeying Direct Commands
Disobeying a Mistress stands as the utmost breach of trust in a femdom relationship.
Such behavior fundamentally undermines the established power dynamic and erodes the foundation of mutual respect.
As such, the harshest of punishments are crucial in reinforcing the gravity of disobedience, thus preserving the integrity of the femdom dynamic.
Here are some examples of what I mean to include:
- Ignoring explicit commands or instructions given by the Mistress
- Engaging in activities explicitly prohibited by the Mistress without consent
- Disregarding established rules and protocols within the femdom relationship
- Resisting training or correction efforts from the Mistress
- Violating agreed-upon limits without explicit permission
In a femdom relationship, a mistress cannot afford to tolerate disobedience; it’s a direct challenge to the established power dynamic.
Swift and decisive action is paramount.
A Mistress should promptly address the transgression, delivering a punishment that not only corrects the behavior but serves as a clear deterrent, reinforcing the consequences of defying authority within the dynamic.
This approach maintains the integrity of the relationship and ensures the submissive understands the gravity of their actions.
“[Submissive name], let me be unequivocal—disobeying in this realm is not a minor transgression. It strikes at the very core of our trust and the power dynamic we’ve carefully built. Such actions warrant serious consideration, as they jeopardize the foundation of this relationship and will be met with consequences commensurate to the gravity of the disobedience.”
Lack of Communication
In a femdom relationship, a lack of communication emerges when the submissive fails to openly share essential thoughts, feelings, or information that common sense dictates should be disclosed to the Mistress.
This hindrance prevents the mutual understanding necessary for a healthy dynamic, leading to potential misunderstandings, unmet needs, and breaches of trust.
Examples of this lack of communication include:
- Keeping secrets or engaging in undisclosed activities that impact the relationship
- Avoiding open discussion about boundaries, limits, or preferences.
- Being uncommunicative
- Hesitating to seek clarification on instructions or expectations
- Not communicating one’s availability or limitations regarding certain activities or assigned tasks
Let’s say a mistrss expresses her desire to her submissive to attend a social event as a cou ple. She knows that the submissive isnt as keen but she wants him there. Imagine the submissive ‘volunteering’ for overtime, or arranging a dental appointment without permission, knowing the conflict of times and dates.
Essentially the submissive has concealed his discomfort with virtue, giving the appearance of legitimacy.
However, in many situations, this is a direct assault on the wishes of the dominant, and reasonable common sense aside, shouldn’t be tolerated.
“In this relationship, the gravity of you withholding essential information is profound. Such a lack of communication directly counters the essence of our dynamic, impeding the trust and understanding we’ve worked to build. Understand this, the consequences of failing to communicate vital information are severe, jeopardizing the core of our relationship and demanding a swift and substantive correction.
Bratting in a femdom relationship involves a submissive adopting a playful or teasing demeanor, often pushing boundaries to provoke a reaction from the dominant partner.
While it can add a dynamic element to the relationship and enhance the power exchange, it requires a delicate balance.
Some couples and the dominant partner don’t mind ‘bratting’ from their submissive, it’s an accepted part of the play.
Some don’t and a dominant partner shouldn’t allow it routinely if it’s not an agreed upon method. Bratting can often be used to provoke, distract or manipulate the mistress into a course of action.
This subverts the power play.
Dealing with it can involve ignoring it to punishing it, but if a mistress doesnt enjoy the behavior, the bratting should be corrected.
Ignoring safewords in a femdom relationship is an egregious violation of trust and consent.
The fundamental principle of BDSM dynamics, including femdom, hinges on the utmost respect for the agreed-upon safewords as a means for the submissive to communicate discomfort or the need to stop an activity.
Disregarding safewords is unacceptable and goes against the core principles of consensual and responsible BDSM practices.
Normally they are for the submiissive, to protect them from overuse of the power dynamic, but there’s nothing to say a mistress cant use them to stop behavior.
Ignoring them threatens the very existence of the FLR, so should be dealth with a proper conversation. Ignore the play, this has to be at the root cause of the problem.
A submissive should NEVER do that.
Neglecting responsibilities in a femdom relationship refers to the submissive failing to fulfill assigned tasks, duties, or expectations outlined by the dominant partner.
It extends beyond mere forgetfulness and can encompass a range of behaviors, from intentional avoidance to a lack of initiative in fulfilling agreed-upon responsibilities.
Such negligence can disrupt the power dynamic, erode trust, and hinder the overall health of the femdom relationship.
- Failure to complete assigned household chores or tasks within specified timeframes
- Disregarding specific instructions or expectations regarding personal grooming or appearance
- Neglecting to uphold established rules and protocols within the femdom relationship
- Forgetting or intentionally avoiding rituals or routines
- Avoidance or procrastination in addressing important matters or issues within the relationship
- Negligence in self-improvement or the pursuit of tasks that contribute to personal growth
- Neglecting to promptly respond to messages or requests from the dominant partner.
“Neglecting your responsibilities is a direct challenge to the order we’ve built here. It breaks down the trust we rely on. Understand, the consequences for this are serious, and immediate correction is non-negotiable to keep our dynamic intact.”
Assuming Roles Without Permission
Assuming roles without permission in a femdom relationship refers to the submissive taking on duties, responsibilities, or actions that haven’t been explicitly agreed upon or authorized by the dominant partner.
It involves the submissive stepping beyond established boundaries without proper communication or consent, potentially disrupting the power dynamic and creating misunderstandings.
This behavior undermines the consensual nature of the relationship and highlights the importance of clear communication and mutual agreement in femdom dynamics.
- Taking charge of planning or organizing events without consulting the dominant
- Initiating new rituals or protocols without prior discussion or agreement
- Making financial decisions or commitments without obtaining consent
- Assuming a leadership role in scenes or activities without explicit permission
- Acting on behalf of the dominant partner in social or professional settings
- Making significant changes to the shared living space or personal belongings
- Assuming a caretaker role for the dominant partner’s well-being without proper communication
“Assuming roles without my permission disrupts the delicate balance we’ve established. This is a direct violation of our consensual dynamic. You are not permitted to make decisions for me. Know this, [submissive;s name]: unauthorized assumption of roles demands immediate correction, as it jeopardizes the very essence of our power exchange.”
Breaking Rituals or Rules
Breaking rituals or rules is another direct breach of the established authority and power dynamic.
It involves the submissive intentionally violating the agreed-upon rituals or rules set by the dominant partner, which are crucial for maintaining structure, discipline, and mutual consent within the relationship.
Such actions undermine the trust and respect integral to femdom dynamics, necessitating immediate corrective measures to address the breach and reinforce the established boundaries.
- Deliberately ignoring specific instructions or guidelines outlined by the dominant
- Engaging in prohibited behaviors or activities without the dominant partner’s consent
- Failing to adhere to agreed-upon schedules or timelines for shared activities
- Violating specific rules related to communication, such as checking in at specified times
- Using the phone during specified periods when it’s prohibited
- Initiating physical touch without explicit consent during certain situations
- Disrupting Rituals
Engaging in behaviors such as breaking rituals or rules is an egregious violation.
To effectively address such transgressions and prevent their recurrence, harsh punishment is warranted.
This corrective action not only serves to reinforce the severity of the breach but also underscores the non-negotiable nature of respecting the rules and rituals essential for the stability and consensual nature of the dynamic.
While the dynamics of a female-led relationship (FLR) are often private, it’s crucial to address the impact of public disobedience.
In the company of others, the submissive’s behavior should align with the established power dynamic, refraining from undermining or dominating the female partner.
Any attempts to put her down or display actions contrary to the underlying dynamic should be promptly addressed.
Consistency in conduct, both in private and public settings, is essential for maintaining the integrity and respect inherent in a femdom relationship.
Public outbursts that are an escapism from the dynamic shouldnt be tolerated.
- Making derogatory or dismissive comments about the female partner in the presence of others
- Questioning or contradicting the female partner’s decisions or authority in a public setting
- Initiating actions or decisions without consulting the female partner, contrary to their established dynamic
- Criticizing or belittling the female partner’s actions or choices in front of others
- Engaging in behavior that intentionally humiliates or embarrasses the female partner in public
- Demonstrating independence or autonomy in a way that contradicts the submissive role in public settings
Establishing clear protocols for the submissive’s behavior in public is essential in maintaining the integrity of a female-led relationship.
So, with this one, I’d recommend the dominant have some established rules about demeanor and not undermining the female dominant in public.
This ensures that the submissive understands the expectations and boundaries, preventing any inadvertent or intentional contravention of the dynamic.
Clearly defined protocols also provide a foundation for consistent behavior, making it evident when a deviation occurs and justifying the need for corrective measures or punishment to reinforce the agreed-upon standards.
Withholding information in a femdom relationship involves the deliberate act of keeping important details, emotions, or intentions from the dominant partner.
This behavior, whether driven by fear, insecurity, or a desire to manipulate, can hinder open communication and trust within the dynamic.
It undermines the mutual understanding crucial for a healthy femdom relationship, emphasizing the importance of transparent communication to maintain the integrity of the power exchange.
- Failing to communicate personal feelings, anxieties, or concerns to the dominant partner
- Suppressing emotions to maintain a facade of control or submission
- Neglecting to inform the dominant partner about activities or plans
- Keeping secrets about personal endeavors, social interactions, or commitments
- Failing to communicate changes in schedule or availability
- Failing to inform the dominant partner about being late returning home
- Failing to inform the dominant partner about whereabouts
The submissive’s failure to convey pertinent information directly undermines the spirit of female authority in the relationship.
The dominant partner needs to be able to make informed decisions that align with their authority.
Repeated infractions in withholding information not only compromise the trust essential to the power exchange but may also necessitate corrective measures, such as the withdrawal of privileges, to emphasize the significance of transparent communication within the relationship.
A Brief Word on Enforcement
The Mistress holds a responsibility not only to wield her power but also to ensure its unwavering presence.
Any attempts or behaviors that dare to disrupt or undermine her authority demand swift and decisive action.
The art of enforcement lies in the principle that the punishment should fit the crime—proportional, yet impactful.
Whether it’s withdrawing privileges, implementing corrective measures, or introducing new protocols, the Mistress’s commitment to maintaining the sanctity of her authority ensures the dynamic flourishes with respect, discipline, and consensual power exchange.
In the realm of female authority, the delicate balance of power, trust, and consenst forms the foundation of a flourishing dynamic.
This journey demands unwavering commitment from both partners.
As we conclude, let it be a reminder that discipline becomes a vessel for growth, ensuring that the femdom relationship thrives with the resilience of respect and the strength of consensual power exchange.
Enforcement can be guided by wisdom, proportionality, and a shared commitment to the intricate tapestry of dominance and submission.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.