What Is Gentle Femdom And How Does It Work In Practice

The BDSM community has many devotees, and within it there are all types of dominant and submissives. If you can think of it, someone probably practices it.

There’s plenty of variety, levels of dominance and nuance though.

Mainstream media would have you believe it’s all whips and chains, and some of the more ‘adult’ sites that are available make BDSM look like an exercise in physical pain and severe humiliation.

Within the large umbrella of BDSM though, there are practiced arts that are considered common enough to have a name attached to it.

One such practice is ‘gentle femdom’, a phrase maybe for a female led relationship.

It’s a common enough practice that is getting more and more attention as times moves on, so let’s dive right into what it is, and how it might play out.

So What Is A Gentle Femdom Relationship

Let’s start with what we are talking about here.

The terms ‘gentle femdom’ and ‘female led relationship’ can sometimes be used interchangeably, and while there is no perfect textbook definition of either term, they both usually refer to a relationship where the dominant partner is female and practices a more loving kind of domination.

It is mainly characterized by a lack of the harsher elements that might be associated with BDSM.

As such, it is an ideal solution for those not into extremes, such as severe pain, public humiliation, or needle play.

A couple can decide for themselves what it is to entail and make the domination more tailor-made to their requirements.

Typically, it is a more psychological form of domination.

For example, I can’t stand cauliflower. I really hate the stuff. My wife, however, loves it, and in polite company with a meal, may comment to the party host “ooh, this cauliflower is so delicious, my compliments. Try some Peter”.

I then see appear into my vision a fork with a piece of cauliflower in it. She is offering it for me to eat.

We both know I am going to take it from her fork with my mouth, chew on it and say, “yes, very well cooked”. Why? Because we are in a female led relationship which practises gentle femdom.

Her holding out the fork wasn’t an option. She was telling me to eat it. She wanted to tease me, knowing I don’t like the stuff. Saying no wasn’t an option, and had I done so, there would have been punishments, via extra chores or removal of TV privileges.

She has power when she wants it. Not always exercised, but done often enough to remind me of her consensual authority.

So ‘gentle femdom’ is the art of a woman taking charge in a relationship, probably with authority to run the household. The female dominant will not seriously physically hurt, public abuse, emasculate or seriously humiliate her partner.

The mistress will also take charge of household chores, and decide what errands need doing to make a house function as a home, and will usually dominate sexually in the form of kink,

The sub defers to the mistress upon agreed matters and serves at her pleasure while providing normal physical and emotional support, that is needed for any relationship.

How Is It Different From Femdom

This is a minefield all and of itself, not least of which is the prevalence of personal tastes and the very subjective titling of many aspects of BDSM.

There is much disagreement on what exactly gentle femdom is, but for me, it’s a personal taste, and whatever works for you, works you, regardless of what you call it.

Firstly, it’s not role reversal. Many men enjoy this, as indeed do some females, but gentle femdom doesn’t normally find the female dominant taking out the garbage, being the provider, and seeking out toyboys to bring home.

When you remove the word gentle form the term ‘gentle femdom’ you might assume that femdom by itself is a more harsher version of female dominance, and I think you’d be right.

While ‘gentle femdom’ doesn’t incluse severe pain or CBT, those into femdom are more thought to have that as an available option.

It can be practiced by couples but is often connected with a more professional dominatrix and her abilities.

Again it could be thought of as femdom is more focused on acts of dominance, usually sexual in nature, but gentle femdom more refers to the true nature of the female dominant, and demeanor of the woman.

Gentle femdom more focuses on kind and caring acts of dominance to a submissive partner, even though it can include punishments, small humiliations, and acts of pain.

Why Are Couples Into Female Led Relationships

So, if you aren’t in one and are exploiting the possibility and practicality of a female led relationship you may be wondering why women want that, and what’s in it for the man, if he can be overruled.

After all, aren’t relationships meant to be balanced and based on mutual respect.

Yes, of course, but it depends on your point of balance and where that mutual respect lies.

I love my wife to bits, but we are in a female led relationship. I don’t feel truly undervalued or unappreciated if that’s what you are thinking. You don’t have to be a doormat as a male to enter into a gentle femdom type partnership.

She makes all the important decisions where she feels warranted in doing so, but we still discuss together where we both want to go on holiday. She has authority where she feels she needs it, but the whole partnership is based on respect.

What’s In It For The Domme

The whole point of female dominance is that the woman is in charge. So she can pace herself into it, at whatever suits her personality. In that respect, it’s the easiest form of dominance for non-extreme type personalities.

So the obvious benefit for the domme is that she is in charge. Her job may not involve that much authority and it’s a good counterbalance.

She has control over the relationship and can exert her authority when it matters to her, She can control finances, household tasks, and chores. The house can be kept in the order she likes it, errands can be run and if she needs a coffee, she doesn’t have to make it herself.

For the domme, there is also the opportunity to change tiny aspects of her man’s character traits. Any annoying habits can be ironed out of him.

Does he leave the toilet seat up? Well, you can tell him he is never to do that, and punish him if he does it, by removing privileges or making do an extra task.

In essence, there is rarely any confrontational struggle within the household. The domme will have authority in that arena, so the house runs smoothly.

Additionally, that can also apply to the relationship in general. The domme is not trying to create a dormant, but any aspect of the relationship can be tailored to her satisfaction. If she is not getting enough foot rubs then that can be altered.

Her tastes and pleasures can be adhered to without any need to excuse the behavior. The sub must embrace her preferences, so if she likes cuddling during movies then that is what must happen.

Finally, it has to be said, it can be quite fun for the domme. Many men are quite happy for the female led relationship to have some leeway for the domme to have authority.

What’s In It For The Sub

This is perhaps a more difficult one for many women to get their head around. In fact, for many men, it can remain a mystery.

After all, why would anyone submit to the disrespect of giving someone else authority over them?

Additionally, many women actually like a ‘take charge’ type of guy, so why would a man voluntarily give that up, to a domme who may want that style of man.

Perhaps an overly simple explanation, but a core principle nonetheless, is that many men have authority in their professional lives, an area they want to excel in and want a natural counterbalance.

They want freedom from making choices, having responsibilities, and enjoy the very simple dynamic of obeying a domme who has their best interests at heart.

They want a release from having to think too much.

Within a female led relationship no complicated decisions need to be taken and he is free from any responsibilities that go with it. He will offer no challenges, usually, to his domme, and submitting to her authority is just a form of pressure release.

It also can introduce an element of spontaneity into the relationship which keeps things fresh and exciting.

Day to Day Activities

Well, if you read a lot of femdom fiction, watch adult video sites or peruse the internet long enough you will probably get some very troubling ideas of how a gentle femdom relationship might work.

A sub does not wake up, make breakfast in bed, get whipped by the mistress, go to work, and come back for an entire evening of physical abuse before submitting to degrading sexual treatment before starting the day again.

Day to day, I can still act male, kiss my wife in the morning maybe, and go to work, maybe stay late for a few drinks afterward and come home to watch a movie and go to bed.

Nothing untoward about that you might think.

And you’d be right, there isn’t?

I am not constantly waiting upon my wife’s heels for a command. It’d be too exhausting for her to have to control every aspect of my life, and I wouldn’t want that anyway.

Most of the time we act normally around each other and behave as any normal husband and wife might.

What’s different is that on any particular day she may not choose to exercise any authority, but it’s an option available to her.

Each day, and each week I have a list of tasks, and chores that must be completed, not only in accomplishment but to a required standard. If they aren’t done or I am sloppy about the quality, she can order it done again, and punish me if necessary.

While watching a movie, she might turn to me and say, “oooh honey, could you get me a glass of wine”. I know it’s not a genuine request, but a femdom order. Consequences await me if I ignore or dismiss the need.

Again, polite requests aren’t requests at all. At work, I may get a text asking for me to get some bread on the way back home. Again it’s what my domme wants me to do, so it will get done.

Anything big we discuss as a couple, like regular folk, but small things and household running are her domain, as is general stuff for me.

If my wife wants to go shoe shopping at the weekend, and I’m not doing anything, she might turn to me and say “come on, no rest for the wicked, I need a chauffeur and bag carrier” and I get up to take her to the mall.

She isn’t whipping me 20 hours a day for not cleaning the bathroom well enough but using her authority in a way to regulate activities that husbands and wives do.

So, most of the time, I am my own man and can arrange things as per normal. I have daily chores to do, weekly ones as well, and errands to run and my domme can make any instruction she likes in order to improve things to her satisfaction.

So yes, on more than one occasion I am providing foot massages upon demand, or standing in a corner because I forgot something that was important to her.

Does she use her authority for kink? Oh yes, but more on that later.

Occasional Activities  – Some Examples

From a day to day perspective it might songs deadly dull, after all, it can be mostly tasks and errands to make the house run smoothly.

But the fact is that there is more to it than that.

If we are packing and my wife says “take my bags to the car” it’s not as if I am going to come up with an excuse. It’s a way of thinking and we both know it when she says it.

When my wife requests a coffee, I know it’s not a request, again, it’s us both knowing that it’s an instruction and she can legitimately punish me if I fail to comply.

Demands she wants and desires she has are all available for her to instruct me on what to do. The spontaneity of it will keep you on your toes. It’s a way of living, not an on/off thing for us.

So occasionally my wife will ask for a date night and give the time and date. It then becomes my job to organize, wash her dress, and clean her clothes for the event. She wants to be entertained for the evening and expects me to sort all the details out for her to enjoy.

There is also the spontaneity of it. Occasionally she will decide on a luxury bath before bed and want the bath run for her, scents poured in and a luxury bath bomb available. Usually, a late-night wine, some fine music, and some other small elements of butler service are needed.

Additionally, my wife might decide to go shopping. She needs some company and the ask is not really an ask. When I get a text saying she want lasagne tonight, that’s not a polite request either.

How often she uses her ‘mistress powers’ is up to her, but her wishes are turned into action, and that’s the matter of it. One day she might ask me my opinion, another not.

Out in public, it doesn’t stop either, nor in the company of friends, it doesn’t always have to but if something interesting is being discussed and I get passionate about the subject, more than once I have received the “don’t talk over me” signal, and I make sure when she is speaking I don’t.

So there you go, yes, of course, there is the mundane, my wife likes a really clean bathroom and it’s my job to make sure it happens.

But there is also, the going through life with her making decisions that are in the best interests of both of us.

Lastly, there is then the kink and sex in a female led relationship, and we move onto that next.

Gentle Femdom And Sex

With a domme in a female led relationship there is also the fact that is will normally be a trusted and loving partner so there is the very normal kinks, general teasing, and sex to think about.

The teasing can be anything, and my wife loves doing it occasionally. More than once I have watched a romantic comedy in some stockings and suspenders for her amusement.

I’ve also washed up naked and been in a dress for watching pretty woman. My wife loves teasing me like this and I try not to let it show.

My wife also has normal healthy female appetites, though, and will occasionally release me from her contract, and while in bed I am allowed to act in a very male manner and not take instructions from her.

We can have what you might call ‘normal sex’.

But that doesn’t stop my wife from occasionally demanding oral pleasures herself and not returning the favor, or making me jerk off with her watching so she doesn’t have to put up with a horning husband that evening.

Pegging is also her decision, but we both enjoy that.

The key is sex doesn’t have to change because you are into gentle femdom, in fact, I think it enhances it.  Watching my wife pursue sexual gratification selfishly can be an enormous turn on.

Sex only changes for the better in a female led relationship if you want my honest opinion.