Many women like their men to take charge in the bedroom, it certainly isn’t an uncommon desire. If you have been asked to be a bit more dominant, then this seems to be a contradiction.
But this begs an interesting question. If you are now the dominant partner of the household, will you have to give up sex the way you like it, and accommodate his desires?
As a mistress, you will be the dominant partner in a female led relationship. As such, it is perfectly possible to educate, train, and mold your submissive male to provide you with sex any way you like it. You can simultaneously fulfill his submissive desires and turn him into a ‘Greek sex god’ to satisfy your own needs. Additionally, it is perfectly possible to temporarily release him from his obligations so you can have sex any way you like.
The Dominant / Submissive Sexual Paradox
If you are a sexually voracious female and love controlling your male partner, then all is well and good. If he admits he wants to be submissive, and designate you as the head of household, with a consensual transfer of authority to you, and you are happy with then, awesome.
You can be a dominant partner, and reserve the right to instigate sexual activity and dominate his actions thoroughly, so both your needs are satisfied with this situation.
Most female led relationships though are instigated or suggested by the male. The male confides in his partner that he has a wish to be submissive, and they discuss the matter. If a female led relationship blossoms the dominant female partner may assume the mantle of taking more control in the bedroom.
Not all women like this though.
They are attracted to alpha male types, or at least confident and assertive males. Confident and assertive males can do well in the professional workplace where they have a lot of responsibility. That workplace responsibility can lead to the fetish developing of having an area of their life where they are out of control, and turn to their partner.
So a situation emerges whereby women are being asked to take the lead in a female led relationship whereby the male has an affinity to be submissive, but the women were attracted to the assertive male in the first place.
Many women like their men to be sexually assertive, and like being subservient to that. They like their men to find them attractive and act more in a male fashion.
Simply put, many women do not want a sexual doormat as a partner, and have a genuine fear that any female led relationship will upset that.
So what do you do when a new mistress wants sex with an assertive male, but the male wants a dominant female?
Temporary Release From Servitude
Perhaps the simplest solution is to have an agreed upon way of releasing your sub from the female led relationship.
In essence, he is temporarily free, and can act in any manner he likes as if the female led relationship did not exist.
A female led relationship ‘time out’ if you will.
As it happens, my wife and I have 3 particular ways we do this.
Partial release – We have a phrase that my wife can utter when she wants to release me on a temporary basis from the female led relationship. It’s her way of letting me know that she is allowing sex.
Under this phrase, I am allowed to act as if I wasn’t in a female led relationship and take a more dominant role in the sex.
I can dictate the flow, to change positions but I have to listen for small requests and orders.
Full release – An utterance of the full release from the female led relationship and I don’t have to listen to her. I can if I want but the decision is mine.
She can request things and I can ignore her, or delay to tease her.
In essence, this is the normal sex phrase.
Agreed times – We will mutually agree for a time to have sex. Obviously some of it is more spontaneous, and my wife has blanket authority to initiate it, but as a release for both of us, we will agree to a time.
Maybe even in conjunction with a date night where we are both free to bring up anything.
Ironically this has a submissive component to it, which will satisfy your sub immensely.
The idea is that you have to be given permission to be free. As a sub, you remain restrained until your mistress utters the phrase.
My wife uses this as an enormous tease. She will sense me ‘straining at the leash’ so to speak, and take some time to issue her own instructions. I do it knowing she will release me at any moment. Often she will dominate a little bit at the beginning, and increase the sexual tension by forbidding me from touching her, or she will act like she wants to ravish me.
And let’s imagine if the phrase to release me was “ I want some chips”
She will have me immobile, mentally restrained and whisper in my ear
“I want some, some …. some … good loving from you”
She will do it to a certain point then release me, when I am allowed to take a more dominant role in sex.
Demanding A Superior Lover
Another answer is to cuckold. That is, to get yourself a lover, and make your actual partner watch while another alpha male type has sex with you.
But that answer isn’t for everybody. As some couples aren’t particularly into that sort of thing.
Some couples can get away with taking it in turns to dominate, and that can work too. It’s totally up to you.
However, for my money, there is a way to blend both his submissive desires and your craving for a male with healthy sexual appetites.
If your idea of being serviced, waited on, and made love to by an Adonis meets with your approval then read on.
Think Catherine the Great from Russia with male concubines or Cleopatra with a variety of Roman gladiators at her beck and call.
The idea is to be a commanding mistress with a passion for raunchy and passionate lovers. The impression you want to be emanating is that of a highly sexed mistress with natural female appetites.
You will not compromise on your sexual needs and as a mistress, you will use your natural authority to improve your lover.
This way he can fulfill his domestic chores, be put in his place when you deem it necessary, and live the life of a submissive male in a female led relationship. However, whenever you want you can activate a sexually rapacious male who will fulfill your needs.
And the good thing is, you can have fun training him to be your lover. Under your tutelage, he will enjoy his submissive nature. You can teach him how to please you, punish him when he gets it wrong, and reward him when he gets it right.
You will need to explain your desires and plan to him. You should explain to him his oath to you to please you in any manner you deem fit.
What a lot of dominant women find interesting is to train their lover as a way to inject some fun into the female led relationship. It’s submissive for the male to be trained and the result is whatever you desire as a sexual service. The best of both worlds really.
So it’s worth letting him know that you will be training him, you will be overseeing his training and you expect to see improvements in his lovemaking ability over time.
You will hone him to be a superior lover, worthy of your body. Your healthy mistress sexual appetites will be satisfied.
Training Your Submissive Super Stud
With a dominant female fantasy, many men like the idea of the mistress not only being in charge but directing the action. Men like the idea of being a vassal through which a mistress has her pleasures.
From a submissive man’s perspective, he loves to pleasure his mistress but doesn’t want to make any sexual moves of taking the initiative. He WANTS to be directed on how to pleasure her.
In short, they love the idea of a mistress using them to orgasm, but the humiliation of needing to be directed.
So you will have to give them the training to be worthy of being your lover. You can use them as a sexual toy whenever you wish, but overall you want to give the impression of them being on a training course, to improve their skills in this arena.
The idea is that he gets a sexually dominant female during the training, and you get to experience a more sexually dominant male when you release him from his obligations.
This can work for many people this dynamic, so if you are struggling with the idea of being a domme, both sexually and in the household, and needing your man to be a man occasionally in the bedroom then this can work well.
Some ideas you may want to consider.
Forced exercise – As a mistress, you should have a much fitter, stronger, leaner, and healthier lover.
Your sub needs to shape up, … literally.
Get him on a small exercise regime to firm up biceps, and chest. Get him doing press ups, or chin ups, or frankly anything you want as a mistress. Get him to find a good calisthenics video on youtube and follow it, or come up with an exercise regime to do on a daily basis.
Also get him leaner and healthier. You need your lover to have stamina so get some good heart rate burpees in there.
Make him walk a few miles every now and again to fetch something you need. Count some calories and get him to text you any time he wants to eat something to get your permission. Make sure he makes some healthier meals.
This way, every weekend you can do a test, and check his muscles are improving, his stamina should have increased and he should be able to do more press-ups in one go.
Punishments for nonsufficient weight losing and press up ability, rewards for exceptional improvements.
Over time you are transforming your submissive lover to better please you.
Penis extender – There’s a load of these online, but get your submissive to order a few and practice putting them on, and using them.
The idea is to overcome many problems, one of which may be your sub lasting long enough so to speak.
You get a larger manhood befitting your mistress desires and a better, longer lasting penetration ability.
The Kegel exercise – If you have never heard of this, it’s an exercise for males whereby they can, through predominantly flexing a muscle in the prostrate, stop and impede the urine flow.
A nice side benefit is that it can also, when flexed, delay ejaculation.
So the mistress can have a little fun here. She can make him drink water, and when he needs to pee, take him to the toilet and get him flexing those muscles.
It can take a few weeks but he will be able to delay an ejaculation.
A mistress can have enormous fun testing that one out. Telling him to flex those kegel muscles and stimulating him at the same time.
Better cunnilingus – I’m sure as a mistress you can see where I am going with this.
Why not use your mistress authority to give tutelage to and improve his oral skills to pleasure you.
Personally, my wife does this from time to time. I now obviously know how she likes to be orally pleasured, but in the beginning, she would tell me how she likes it.
Now she just occasionally sits on the couch and says
“Right, time to check your oral skills aren’t lapsing”
I then spend as much time as she wants with me orally pleasuring her, and after she has come, she just pushes me away and carries on with the evening.
I love the frustration, and she knows it.
On the same front, you can instruct how you like foreplay as well. Tell him how you like it and leave him to it. Tell him you expect to see foreplay in his technique if you like.
Quite frankly, as a mistress you have the power to change your man into anything you like, sexually speaking of course. He will follow your desires when you want, but also you can make him into a better lover.
You can choose to leave him be, or you can choose the improve certain elements of his ability to please you better.
Overall, being a mistress with a submissive should in no way impede your liking for sex, and how you wish your submissive man to perform.
Whatever is missing from your sex life can be trained into him.
Being the domme, ultimately empowers you to get what you truly desire in bed.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.