It’s seamless and almost undetectable the way it’s done, but nevertheless, the psyche learns the lesson needed as the power dynamic settles.
New mistress’ to the world of female domination within a relationship are advised to take on board these subtle challenges to authority, learn why and how they are played, and develop a repatoire to combat them.
Table of Contents
Why Your Submissive Will Test You
First and foremost, it’s very natural.
They are normally small and subtle, so subtle in fact, that they can get lost or explained away.
Prisoners of war, while under extreme authority, used to relish the small wins.
While not wanting to make those comparisons to female domination, it is still desirable to understand that the male psyche will try to seek out cracks to exploit in the power dynamic.
How that manifests itself is the topic of this article.
What A Submissive Needs From the Dominant During Testing
When you witness a test to your authority, how a mistress deals with it can obviously vary.
Harsher punishments should be used for direct challenges to your authority or severe disobedience, but smaller, less noticeable challenges, that are best described as tests, it often comes down to a judgment call.
Harsh punishments for forgetting the milk destroy the value of long term dominance and diminish the severity of more unacceptable challenges.
Making things proportionate would be deemed sensible.
The image that needs to be conveyed is that his challenge has been spotted, stopped, and dealt with.
After a few rebuttals of his small challenges a ‘status quo’ will emerge where you no longer get challenged, but you should remain ever vigilant for his retesting.
Let’s delve right in.
How A Submissive Will Test His Mistress
The power dynamic that you agree upon will inevitably be tested in some small way.
If a mistress allows the small challenges, they will become larger until orders and requests are outright disobeyed.
That doesn’t mean a mistress has to be ruthlessly repressive, but she should look for the small tricks that the submissive will play to wrestle away control for the ‘small wins’.
It’s very natural, so expect it.
Some may do it unconsciously, but others will very well know what they are doing.
Here’s a small list of how your authority may be subtly challenged, and just as importantly, how to deal with it.
Or at least reasonable interpretation.
In everyday life, a mistress may not think about it too much, but not quite being precise enough could potentially lead to an opportunity to be challenged.
With ambiguity, words can often mean a few things, but also phrases can have two meanings or even sound like a statement.
Consider the line “I think that needs clearing up, don’t you?”
While the meaning of his dominant should be clear, it’s not an instruction.
There’s enough ambiguity in there for him to contend that it wasn’t an immediate request – or if he’s feeling really bold, that it was a request at all.
A new mistress shouldn’t need to tolerate this behavior.
The first step is to make sure you are clear and precise with words to the extent that that is possible.
Secondly, the ambiguity is irrelevant.
It should have been clear to the submissive that you were unhappy with his tidiness and as his job is to make you happy, it should be cleared up.
Thirdly, if he is unclear about something, it’s his job to ask and clarify.
When a mistress expresses a preference for something, the submissives job is to work out what is meant, clarify anything and perform the due task.
It’s about laying the ground rules for him to work around you.
A small lie will be an excuse.
The key is to promote anticipation or forward thinking rather than allow relapse.
White lies or excuses are almost unchallengeable statements that test your authority.
They can’t be dealt with at face value because you have no evidence of the lie or legitimacy of the excuse.
At the heart of these challenges is considering whether the submissive had ample time to work around the problem, whether they were lazy, or whether better management would have not created the problem.
Typical of these excuses are things like ‘my battery died on my phone – I didn’t see your message’ or ‘my boss asked me to work late, I didn’t get time to do it’.
On the face of it, these are acceptable, but the key to resisting this attitude is to realize your submissives job is to work around his issues and get what you require done, without excuses.
My battery died is an excuse – and occurred through lack of forward planning. Your submissive should have enough power in his phone battery for any commands issued to him. Why didn’t he charge it, why didn’t he have a power bank, why didn’t he find another means of communication.
A mistress is not there to accept excuses for her wishes not being carried out – it’s incumbent on the submissive to work around his problems and get what the mistress needs to be done, and not offer lies to cover it up.
A task not done that could have been avoided with better planning invites a small punishment.
Think of caveats as premade excuses.
‘Pick up my dry cleaning if you have time’ is an example of a caveat.
It just simply allows your submissive to not do what you require with the premade excuse already planted – by you.
The submissive can ignore you and you have given him the reason to do it.
To avoid falling into this trap, the best advice is to simply drop caveats. Avoid phrases like “I think”, “you probably should…” or “…if you have time”.
Just make simple statements that can’t be twisted.
“I’d like this cleaned up by the end of play today. I will be checking”.
Guilt tripping can come in two forms.
When a submissive either forgets or decides not to carry out a task, or even places his personal preferences in front of the obligations his mistress has given him, then be prepared for guilt tripping.
It’s simply an attempt to avoid punishment for failure on his part, and to him is a small power challenge.
It’s a way of saying that he can manipulate you away from your duty of punishment.
It should obviously be resisted (and his submissive needs will want you to), but you will either receive a small gift such as flowers, wine, or chocolate to cover the failure to comply or the punishment will be made to sound worse than it is.
Typically if a task hasn’t been done and your submissive knows that he will be confronted, small gifts might be used in order to distract or diminish from the consequences.
“Sorry I couldn’t do ……., I ran late at work, and got you some flowers on the way home, I will make sure it’s done for tomorrow – I know I have more time then at work”
Statements like that are distraction and deflection.
Again, it’s a case of his duty was to do it, not leave things till last minute that increase the risk of non compliance.
Alternatively you may get something like “isn’t that a bit harsh, could you (insert alternative punishment here) instead as I have been planning to….”
Again, it’s an attempt to sway you.
Punishment from a mistress should be considered, but once you’ve made up your mind, don’t be swayed out of it easily.
Don’t be guilt tripped into giving him ‘small wins;.
Some disrespect is obvious.
Ignoring or speaking condescendingly towards someone are nearly always picked up. It’s an intuitive sense.
Light disrecpect is hard to literate but most people can discern it.
Being overly polite, sarcasm, or jokes made with a barbed context are easily disguised and explained away.
“C’mon, I was only joking..” being a common refrain.
The point is that it show disrespect to the mistress, and it’s an area where he shouldn’t be treading at all.
Light disrespect is a natural challenge to authority disguised.
The submissive should utter no comments that could be interpreted as disrespectful. Doing so invites a punishment to learn the lesson.
A subtle way of disrespecting a mistress and pushing you a little to see how you handle a light challenge is to actually perform the task, but to perform it in such a way that should invite comment and rebuke, and see if you do so.
It’s important that a mistress have required standards for tasks, chores, and obligations given.
Most tasks can be completed in such a way that there’s a degree of interpretation as to whether it’s been done properly.
A mistress should watch over her submissive to make sure those standards aren’t slipping deliberately.
The inherent ambiguity on standards practically invites finding a level where compromise will happen, but the submissive should be made aware continual skirting on the edge of sub standard work will invoke repeated punishment until he learns.
He needs to learn the lesson and value of achieving greater quality of work to avoid displeasure.
Most people can find themselves victim of this but prolonged procrastination of mistress’ demands is not placing enough emphasis on her wishes and desires.
Whether it’s mowing the lawn or arranging an interesting and exciting date night, there comes a time when the fact that it is still not done becomes the issue.
Tasks for many subs are better given with completion times as well as acceptable standards.
Not prioritizing what the dominant female desires is a form of disrespect all in and of itself and should not be tolerated.
A Brief Word On Dealing With Power Challenges
Whether the reason given for sub optimal performance is genuine or not, the question is – what lesson will your submissive learn from the experience.
What a new mistress should remember is that if he is caught trying to challenge you – HE WILL EXPECT YOU TO PUNISH HIM.
He is quite simply testing you and will derive a lot from how you comport yourself.
If you are lax and tolerate his behavior then he will learn he can push boundaries.
This shouldn’t be the case, and a mistress should always look out for these small tests from a submissive, confront them, and let the sub know in certain terms that behavior has been below the allowed standard.
Punishment, even for small infractions can be warranted but the punishment itself doesn’t need to be harsh.
A mistress can gauge the infraction and judge for herself what the punishment might be.
Direct power challenges could mean some form of corporal punishment, but minor ones might be standing in a corner, or additional tasks.
Or methods that make the task completion either harder or more embarrassing also work, so if the kitchen isn’t cleaned well enough, then make the submissive do it in womes clothes, or clean the oven with a toothbrush instead.
Most new mistress’ will have to confront a challenge every now and again.
Hopefully it’s not downright disobedience in their first instance of it.
Gentle femdom is a great tool within a relationship that is becoming more and more popular.
Even within familiar structures the introduction of consensual dynamics being forced to give the female a more dominant role, the likelihood is that she will face small and more subtle power challenges, that left alone, will grow.
Whether your submissive starts to procrastinate, or uses words to exploit ambiguity these are new challenges that must be met head on.
A clear message should be sent out that the authority is absolute and these mind games are considered challenges, thus a proportionate punishment is warranted.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.