Blackmail in the real world is an abhorrent crime and rightly deserves condemnation, but erotic blackmail is something else entirely.
The subject of erotic dominance via blackmail is a vast wide ranging activity. Traditional femdom may follow certain scripts but introducing blackmail as a form of play will irrevocably alter the power dynamic.
Traditional blackmail can take many forms such as criminal activity admission or affair admissions, and a blackmailer may illicit financial rewards but they aren’t as suitable for BDSM blackmail.
Something easily denied or explained away causes dismissal from someone the submissive victim knows isn’t a threat.
For a real threat the blackmail needs to have something undeniable by the recipient.
These can either be administered or created but for erotic blackmail the expereince is greatly enhanced when the threat is very real.
Table of Contents
What is BDSM Blackmail?
So, what are we talking about here?
In its simplest form, erotic blackmail is the consensual activity between two participants whereby the dominant has embarrassing information on the submissive and threatens to release the information to enact coercive behavior.
For example, a mistress might have embarrassing photos of a submissive in a sissy maids outfit and threaten to email the photos to work colleagues unless the submissive performs a given task, or makes financial payments.
The submissive will have to weigh the conditions of the blackmail against the threat to reveal the information.
There are 3 separate persona in the successful blackmail.
Blackmailer – A mistress or dom will be in possession of information, knowledge or evidence over their submissive, and will taunt their submissive with release to a specific or general audience.
Victim – The submissive will be in fear of the blackmailer releasing the information in their position. The victim will be so worried about the threat that tasks by the blackmailer are considered less embarrassing by comparison.
Unaware 3rd party – The unaware 3rd party is the identified recipient of the release of blackmail material. Should the submissive victim not perform the tasks required the blackmailer can get the information to this 3rd party.
For the purposes of BDSM, a name, address, and relevant contact details will need to be supplied.
The dom or mistress should not be fobbed off with a fake unaware 3rd party. To fall for this is to give some power to the submissive. Your threat of release of the information carries no real weight.
The 3rd party is a critical part of the erotic blackmail scenario. It should be a real person so the blackmail carries real weight. Some investigation may need to be carried out to check if the person actually exists. Threatening to release compromising photos to only a fake email address is no threat at all.
Why Is Blackmail Exciting For A Submissive
Any form of BDSM is about informed consent. A mistress and her submissive will come to an agreement on what they will submit to, and areas where they can be pushed.
This has scales of compliance.
A mistress can issue orders to a submissive for a task, but leave when to do it open, so the sub, if at the said time, can refuse in that moment. Especially if the submissive is not physically present.
When compliance is with informed consent then there can be gray areas.
Every submissive essentially likes the idea of relinquishing control. How far this is pushed is an individual choice. For some it’s private and mild, while others prefer harsh penalties for small demeanours.
A significant part of submission is the matter of choice at the point of instruction from a mistress. For many, they like being forced. Not threatening but genuinely forced. They like being placed in a position where the decision is not in their hands. They are compelled to obey.
Blackmail is much more coercive with a negative consequence that the victim genuinely fears to enforce compliance.
In essence, there is forced submission.
Refusal is far less common, and the thought of that compulsion is the essence of why the blackmail fantasy works.
While any form of restriction, such as shackles or cages is about submission, blackmail is a mind thing. A form of compliance like no other.
Done successfully with full trust and a genuinely life changing piece of blackmail information, the blackmailer is in full control of their victim.
The pressure the submissive places on themselves to obey increases significantly if the mistress has a coercive piece of blackmail material. The level of submission is much stronger, as is the extent to which they will degrade themselves to prevent the release of the blackmail material.
It’s not all for the submissive either. There is a sense of control that exceeds no other for the mistress who can wickedly make a submissive do almost anything.
BDSM blackmail fantasies can give rise to a whole host of emotions and excitement, as well as apprehension and fear. Different things affect different people.
The fantasy of erotic BDSM blackmail is a thrill for many if there is genuine power from the mistress which elevates a real sense of danger. The submissive will feel really forced under this form of power exchange.
An ultimate excitement may be in that once in the blackmailers trap, then further blackmail material can be gathered. Blackmail material can be obtained by blackmail and set a trap that the victim can never escape from.
For example, a mistress might be in possession of a recording of the victim disparaging a person whether it’s a boss, a fellow employee, or a friend. While not critical, it would nonetheless be embarrassing or problematic if the audio got into the hands of the people it shouldn’t.
A mistress can blackmail her submissive victim with the release of the recording. The submissive can be blackmailed into performing chores that the mistress doesn’t wish to do herself.
Next the mistress can order that the victim does the vacuuming naked or she will release the files. Feeling trapped the victim does it but photos or videos of it are made. Now the mistress has additional blackmail material.
With each progression a new boundary might be pushed. Which the victim is even more afraid of gaining attention from the wrong people. A trap is set into motion until the victim is completely under the blackmailer’s control.
Finally the mistress might have video of the victim in a french maids outfit with chastity cages and butt plugs having forced sex with a blow up doll having gloriously captured his ‘orgasm face’.
The victim is eventually in so deep that they are available for control at any time.
The Blackmail Material
From a BDSM perspective, the information must be quantifiable and not something easily deniable. Thus the blackmail material cannot be ‘a story you heard’ as the submissive could just deny it.
The threat must be real. The trust must be absolute.
The initial blackmail material cannot be something non provable or easily deniable.
Any initial blackmail material must PROVE the identification of the victim and tie them to a ‘crime’ that would cause distress, embarrassment or otherwise cause unwanted behaviour.
The trick from a blackmailer’s point of view is to come up with something that doesn’t have an easy get out clause from the victim.
For example, the mistress might have a picture of the victim licking cum off a table. You may think that’s ideal blackmail behaviour.
There are 4 components to the ideal blackmail material
- Easy to identify the victim
- It’s real or genuine
- The material in the wrong hands would cause severe problems
- Not easily explainable with a lie
Some pictures can be explained away with ‘oh that’s just my mates stag do’ and the effect loses its potency.
From a fantasy perspective the mistress can either request the appropriate files or create the material.
The blackmail material obviously needs to be easily digestible, obvious and easily consumed and understood. The blackmail material can’t be a chest of draws full of invoices that with 1000 hours and a tax attorney would prove income tax fraud.
The victim knows that there’s no real threat there as no one would take the time to find out.
In general, images are the easiest thing to use as blackmail material, even above video, They can be stored in a folder within an email account and kept there. They are easy to transmit to gain exposure and they are easy to obtain from the forthcoming victim.
They are easy to digest, everybody knows what they are and exposure will be effective.
The blackmailer should not be in the picture, nor should any other person if you can help it. Keeping things simple often is the prerequisite for avoiding problems.
Converting all pictures into bmp format rather than the typical jpeg files will strip the pictures of location information as well, so it effectively ‘sanitizes’ the picture.
Keeping the pictures safe is paramount. Make sure it’s not a shared email or a rather old computer prone to hacking or viruses. The last thing you want is them to really get out. Keep them on a usb and password protect it if you want.
There’s loads of youtube videos on how to do that.
There are also a load of storage options online, even using google drive and sharing the pictures to his email. He can see them, and knows you have control over them.
The material can be used for a short fantasy or more of an ongoing project so keeping things simple is a good idea.
Some Ideas For Created Blackmail Material
This section is for those of you looking for some ideas in order to create some blackmail material.
As a rule it should only include the victim and you should remove any references to location or any people. The blackmailer should not be identifiable for example.
So the material should include the identification of the victim, a truly embarrassing act, be real, and not easily explainable by an excuse.
With that, here are a few ideas, and the mistress should feel free to get the victim to identify himself before the activity.
Confession – Has the victim done something that they really shouldn’t have and want to keep secret from a certain party. Nothing spells ‘blackmail material’ better than a taped confession. Get the victim to record a thorough transcript and runthrough of the crime and fully admit to it.
Photos – Photos compromising the victim are as good as anything for blackmail material. Highly compromising and easy to digest and send. Emailed photos are an instant threat to a blackmail victim.
So to go about the fantasy you can easily create the blackmail material.
Some photo ideas
- Simple naked photos
- Sex with a blow up doll
- Watching gay porn
- In submissive BDSM clothing (collars etc)
Videos – Just as simple as a picture is a video of the victim, that they would never want to see be made public.
You should definitely consider the 3rd party with this one. Who is the blackmail material made for. Confessing work crimes to a wife isn’t as important as someone who is directly affected.
Here are some ideas
- Sex with blow up doll
- Butt plugs
- Confession about someone
- Dressing up in female attire
- Applying makeup
- Being pegged
Embarrassing masturbation – I offer this one as it’s quite easy to set up and do. Whether the mistress wants to do photos or video doesn’t really matter, as you can even do both. The point is to capture the embarrassing material.
A mistress can capture in its entirety. She can set up the scenario and shoot video. Get the submissive to record what he is about to do. Take photos of him dressing, and video the act in question. Bonus points if you can get the submissive to say something embarrassing as you video his orgasm face.
Escort visit – Obviously have to be careful with this one so you don’t actually harm someone, but you can record the phone call. Pictures of the submissive getting let in, and a recorded confession afterwards.
Sissy maid – Nothing more embarrassing as a submissive dressing effeminately and letting that be known to all. This is a very private aspect of most people’s life so it stands to reason it makes great blackmail material.
Nothing more than videos or photos of the submissive performing tasks and chores for the day.
Outdoor pegging – The mistress and the submissive can find a quiet outdoor spot and the mistress can disguise herself so she isn’t identifiable, with a mask if necessary.
Again, a quick photoshoot to get the set up pictures then perhaps a camera rolling to capture the insertion and the victims face as he is being pegged. Bonus points maybe if mistress can capture the ‘look of glee’ as he is taken and vocalises his euphoria.
Baby clothes – Baby fetish is a very private matter, and isn’t commonly talked about in ‘polite’ circles, so a mistress can stage a photoshoot of the submissive wearing and play acting it out. Try not to make it look like a stag do but a genuine fetish.
Don’t make anything too outlandish that could be construed as fake or obviously fraudulent. It has to be realistic but something someone would do only in private.
How To Flaunt Your Blackmail Power
Blackmail power is purely there for the purposes of abuse with this fantasy.
The submissive should be periodically reminded that they are under the control of their blackmailer, even if an immediate task isn’t required.
To get the most out of this fantasy the domme should know how to ‘needle’ the victim, that is reminding he is under control without actually asking for a task.
The easiest way is to do this via text (or pre arranged message provider) as the victim cannot really escape the torture.
Text teasing can be fun with such texts as
- I know your secrets
- Being my bitch is so much fun isn’t it?
- How far can I push you before you break?
- I own your ass – don’t forget it?
- I wonder if *insert 3rd party here* would like an email
- I have some delicious choices for you to make soon
- I wonder if absolute power over you corrupts – let’s find out
- It’s fun having a pet that you can control
A mistress can also set up a website with a gallery of the photos and videos that is password protected. A simple emailing of the website and the password would then grant anyone access. This is a permanent visual reminder of the blackmail material.
Mistress can also make a USB necklace. By simply putting the usb on a necklace and making the contents password protected then this is another visual reminder that can be flaunted in front of the victims face.
You may have heard of the term ‘dead man’s switch’ but what is it? It’s a service whereby a specific action will be taken without input from a user.
For blackmail purposes these are great as it can be timed to add a more urgent element. You can set up an action like an email send, and put a condition in, like when a timer gets to zero. The mistress will have to log in to reset the timer. If she doesn’t then the email is sent.
There are a few services that do this, although it’s probably better to fake that you have done it.
Forcing Your Submissive With Blackmail Material
Once the blackmail material has been established and flaunted. The mistress should make her declaration that the victim is now under her control more firmly.
It can be done face to face or email, but the intention of the mistress needs to be made clear.
A mistress can either be functional with the information or delight in her submissives torment. Either way, a declaration of intent needs to be established.
Points that need to made are
- Mistress possess information that the victim wishes to be kept secret
- Mistress is in control of the release of that information
- Mistress will occasionally want control of the victim
- The victim MUST comply with demands
- If the victim does NOT comply the information will be released
- The victim is trapped
- The victim is now mistress’ bitch
The key to the blackmail fantasy is to only use negative reinforcement. A mistress shouldn’t request a task done and a reward will be offered. It should be to get this done, or perform a certain task or the information will get released.
Blackmail doesn’t promise rewards, it punishes a failure to comply.
Flaunting the blackmail power doesn’t just go towards performing simple tasks, but it emphasises the disparity of power. A blackmailer doesn’t make reasonable requests. They are often over the top to satisfy the ego
The Stanford prison experiment is a famous example of what happens when you give unadulterated power. Lord Acton always used to say ‘power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely’.
A blackmailer often goes down this path. The victim is so compliant and terrified of exposure that the blackmailer enjoys the command and goes a little ‘power crazy’.
Part of this fantasy is recognizing that fact.
It’s certainly something worth discussing when pursuing the fantasy – how much ‘power crazy’ will the victim consent to.
Some things to think about though.
Default – There should be a list of things that the mistress wants the submissive victim to perform as a matter of course. Can be as long or as small as agreed, but the victim is to perform them regardless of being ‘reminded’.
Fear tease – A mistress can emphasize her power occasionally by subjecting the victim to thoughts about the power she is going to wield that would frighten the victim.
A sadistic pleasure maybe, but a mistress can almost revel in the level of apprehension of the victim, a prerequisite to ensuring control and compliance.
Subject the submissive to thoughts of having their ass rented out to the gay scene or whatever makes them squirm. Casually reminding them that – “I know you’d do it, and we both know why” can play into the fantasy.
Trickery – Something definitely for a mistress to consider is that of ensnaring the trap further. It can either be done under pretext or right up front. The victim should be made to put themselves in another embarrassing situation.
Under the pretext of “I want to see how devoted you are to being my bitch” the submissive can be made to do something. Mistress can then record that with photos or video and then add that to the control file.
The longer the blackmail goes on the more like quicksand it will feel.
Taunting – This is the mistress outright flaunting her power and command. No specific or functional reasoning, just making the victim dance to a tune on a whim.
Projecting a ‘I can do what I like with you’ attitude in the face of the victim by making the victim do really mundane tasks, or something you know they really hate, making them choose between the lesser of two evils and pushing those boundaries is part of the fantasy.
Time consumption – Feeding into the similar reasoning as taunting is the process by which a mistress can ‘time consume’ the victim. The blackmailing mistress can work on the principle that her time is way more valuable than the victims. As such she should feel free to use her victims time rather than her own.
For example, a mistress could get the victim to go and buy and pint of milk and bring it to her, rather than take a short walk to get her own. Her victim might have to spend 30 minutes getting there, a few minutes to buy milk, and 30 minutes driving back just so save the mistress 5 minutes effort.
It’s important for the victim to realize that a little effort from the blackmailer and they wouldn’t have needed to spend so much time.
Be my bitch – This is the excuse for the mistress to use the submissive in any way they see fit, even if it’s totally humiliating and degrading. Nothing is really off the table, as long as it’s a task that the blackmailer needs the submissive for,
Some things that I mean are;
- I need a lift to the airport tomorrow, make time to take me
- My lawn needs mowing, pop over at the weekend
- I want my shoes to shine for tomorrow
- I want my car cleaned thoroughly
- I need someone to carry my bags when I go shopping
- My friend needs her car fixed, sort it out for her
Chores – There’s plenty of long and laborious tasks that the mistress now doesn’t need to do. Judicisciosly the mistress can just order the victim to do anything she doesn’t wish to do. Tasks like car cleaning, spring cleaning, oven cleaning, or vacuuming.
The blackmailer is taking the easy way out and now doesn’t have to do basic housework. The victim has to comply with standards otherwise the blackmail material risks being released.
Sexual favors – The power dynamic over sex can often be an exciting aspect of the blackmail fantasy as the mistress now has both veto power and demand power. She can spurn any advances and order services performed.
There is also no real sense that the favor needs to be returned. The mistress can demand foot rubs, massages and receiving oral without reciprocating.
Degrade – With this fantasy a subset of submissives will like being taken towards being denigrated. This can be pushed as far as the submissive is comfortable with.
The submissive can be forced into degrading behaviour just to exercise power. It can often be a not so subtle reminder of what the blackmail victim fears, that of exposure.
It can also be used to test limits.
Some forced actions might be;
- Eating out a pet bowl
- Naked chores while being mocked
- Dressing in female attire and sex with a blow up doll
- Wear slutty clothing
- Give the victim a bikini tan
- Licking boots clean
- Wearing BDSM ownership gear like collars and masks
Gifts / Finance – I’ve left this one till last as it’s not really a preferable blackmail request. It’s rather dependent on the nature of the relationship between the mistress and the victim. If they aren’t romantically tied it can often be taken incorrectly if it ever gets traced. While a blackmailer can request gifts or finance it’s worth being careful with this one.
Tip – It’s very worthwhile putting a timeframe on the blackmail so that the victim has the option of getting out of the fantasy, or making a safe word that ends the blackmail. It probably goes without saying that the blackmailer should return the material and not make secret copies of anything.
The blackmail fantasy is very much about negative reinforcement submission.
The fantasy is not enticing the victim to do a task, but to demand one is performed or there is exposure of a secret. This amount of power often takes sinister turns in real life, and that’s part of the fantasy. Complete submission.
While it sounds exciting, you have to be very careful – it’s worth considering if there might be an advantage to keeping a distant relationship, where the blackmail material is more professional.
Everyone has different tolerances and you don’t want the blackmail fantasy playing out in ‘real life’.
As it’s a fantasy, it can often be worth keeping money out of the equation, as if you are not a permanent relationship the token gift could be taken the wrong way. Adding money to an equation has a funny way of making behaviour questioned where it needn’t be.
Sidestep the drama and keep money out of it, unless you know the other person really well.
For a mistress this fantasy can often be about giving the impression you will really release the information, Expose his embarrassment and effectively turn him into a pariah with people he knows.
That’s the thrill of the fantasy.
The fantasy will occasionally involve pushing the victim making him believe his secret is about to be exposed. The mistress needs to be resolute in maintaining this belief, and should never just casually say “Well, of course I’d never really do it”.
The impression needs to be the exact opposite. That the mistress is really enjoying her power.
Giving the impression that you wouldn’t do it effectively can kill the fantasy.
Always remember this is a fantasy. Just that. The mistress enjoys the inconsequential power and the victim enjoys the absolute submissiveness.
The mistress can really test boundaries and introduce the victim to boundaries he didn’t know he could step over. Mistress really can have fun, and by extension, the victim as well.
Is there any activity that he would normally refuse to do? Things are back on the table again. A weekend dressed in sexy lingerie, or as a baby? A walk naked in the woods being led by a collar. Imagination is the name of the game.
The mistress can also jettison anything she doesn’t like doing, such as keeping the car maintained, and demand more pleasure, such as foot rubs or massages.
In fact, why can’t the mistress demand some oral sex and then kick the victim away. It’s not like his sexual gratification is important now.
The mistress now has a 100% obedient being and that can open a world of opportunities. Just make sure it all stays in the area of fantasy.
Trying to talk to your partner about the benefits of a female led relationship can be hard. Use this open letter to help or to prompt constructive dialogue.